What should I do if my mother is not there for me. Should I report her? To who?

Question

My mother often leaves for days at a time without calling. My brother and sister and I are in high school. We live with my grandma and my mother is hardly employed. She goes off with one of her friends, always, instead of being with her kids. I've tried talking with her, she says it is because we treat her like crap. I have no idea what to do. Should I report her?

Answer 1

As long as you are in the care of your Grandma, there is nothing to report.
Do you treat your mom like crap?
Sounds like your Grandma is still taking care of your mom too.

Answer 2

Your mother is breaking hearts, not laws. You three should try to sit your grandma down and have a frank discussion with her about this. She should go to social services and report that she is the person caring for you three, that way she could collect support from your mother, insurance for the three of you, and get granted custody so if an emergency arose, she would be able to sign any papers you'd need signed by a guardian. Also, she should not allow your mother to stay at the house, as this is heartrending for the three of you. You reap what you sow. She has sown mistrust in her children, and pain in their hearts. She should be treated like crap. But that being said, the best way to show her what she is REALLY missing, is to try to ease the burden on grandma. Help her, love her and protect her from the pain this also probably causes her. Good Luck! :)

Answer 3

Dear one, you say that you are living with your grandma. That is good. She is your anchor in this ocean of problems with your mother. What your mother does hurts you; you are brave to ask questions to feel better. I'm hoping that your grandma is a good influence on you. You don't have too many grounds to report your mother [she does deserve reporting according to child welfare laws.] because you are with your grandma.

The issue at hand is for you [kids] to discuss this in an adult manner with your grandma, together!

Your grandma should be really upset with her also! Your grandma should set HER daughter on a chair and really let her have it for not being a good mother!!!
Grandma and you 3 need to set some goals to present before your mother. If your mother does not choose to be a 'real' mother, you 3 may leave to somewhere else after speaking with your grandma and maybe the child welfare department.
[ if you are in high school, this may still help you!]

It should not matter about that "crap" business; after all you are teenagers and you don't 'know better' yet. [do you?]
Your mom is being very, very selfish! She is giving crap and you don't deserve her actions either.
You all deserve happiness and your situation is not helping. Please talk to a teacher, your grandma, a priest, anyone to help you and your siblings get back on track regardless of your mother. My best wishes to you and yours!

Answer 4

Sorry to hear what you're going through. I have to say that it can be hard as a single parent and even harder if they're teenagers who have their own ideas of what's right or wrong. My father had custody of us. If he wasn't at work, he was at the bars. My sister was in Jr High and I was in High School. I raised my sister because he was NEVER around. But, he made sure that we had food, clothes, and a place to sleep.

You could call child protective services or talk to your school counselor. However, if you have adult supervision, such as your grandmother there, they might not do much of anything. She's leaving you in the care of someone. Also, I'm not sure what the age limit is for kids to be able to be home overnight by themselves. That's something the social worker might be able to tell you.

When she says you treat her that way, does she tell you anything specific? Do you guys have family meetings so everyone can air out their differences?

I hate to say it, dear, but she may not want to work things out or change what she's doing. Sometimes people become selfish and live for the moment without considering what they're doing to others, especially loved ones. Unlike her, be there for your kids, even if they do give you a hard time. I'm taking my dad's sad life into view. I don't want to be anything like him. I have two kids right now that I adore, even on bad days. I would never leave them behind because I know what it's like. So take what she's showing you as a lesson in the type of person you don't want to be.

Answer 5

Well, it's tricky because it sounds like she's leaving you under the care of your grandmother. You can contact child protective services (just type that into a search engine with your state) or you can go to http://www.reportchildabuse.com/. Neglect is a form of child abuse. However, you'll possibly be running into a lot of things here... if they deem her an unfit mother and your grandmother is also not legally suited to take care of you, you may be looking at foster care. This is a very serious allegation. Does your grandmother treat you guys alright? Are you being fed and taken care of? Obviously your mother is not being a good adult or mom for that matter.

If your grandma takes good care of you, she could get custody of you guys and your mother will be legally detached from you guys. However, what is it that you want. Your mom to ACT like a real mother or for her to be out of your life? Are you trying to punish her? This isn't going to solve any of those issues. It won't bring her back to her senses. If it's a mother you seek, you can try to sit down and talk to your mom. The best thing you guys could do is go to family therapy and get professionals to handle this. In either case, I think you and your sibling should go to a psychologist to sort out your feelings... whether your mom wants to join in on it or not.

Answer 6

You are all in high school and fully capable of looking after yourselves. Your grandmother is appointed your guardian while she is gone. Your mother may have given birth to you, but she is hardly mature enough to fill that role... unfortunately there is a lot of that going on.

I would suggest that you three do what you can to move on with your own lives in a constructive manner and try not to be a burden on Grandma.

It may help you all to get financial aid for college if Grandma can get your custody on an official basis. Talk to your school guidance counselors and Grandma about this. It would be ideal if you can go to community college while living with your grandmother.

Stay active in school and do your best, see about getting part-time jobs, and try applying for grants and other financial aid so you can get through college and support yourselves quicker.

Answer 7

I am the oldest of five.My parents were married for twenty years.One day my mother stopped coming home.She would be around but we only saw her when she would come to the house.She never worked and always asked my dad for money.For a while,none of us really knew what to do.My dad was in denial and he did nothing. My little sister joined a salvation army church where she found support and family. They helped her overcome a really tough situation. We finally confronted my dad and asked him to think about us and our best interest. So he finally divorced her and got a restraining order until she made an effort to get better. You need to talk to somone who will listen and help. A trusted family member who loves you or your grandmother. If she won't help, the next step is a teacher or counselor. What your mother is doing is wrong. And it is not your fault.Someone has to hold her accountable for her actions and get her some help. If she doesn't get the help she needs she may always be this way. It's never easy,and your siblings will have their own ideas. But someone has to stand up for what's right.And as a mother, it's her responsability to take care of you guys.
Luck and courage..

Answer 8

It depends on what you want to accomplish. Would you prefer to be with your grandma or a foster family? You are always able to call DCFS or the non-emergency police number. These people can help you to get out of your current situation and help you to decide what situation would be best for you. Remember, they are on your side. I am sorry that you have to go through this. No child deserves to be treated this way and I hope you can find a better situation. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Do you have food to eat? Who is supporting you all? Does your grandma work or is she with your family b/c she has no where to go. You can talk to your school counselor and see what ur options are. An adult really needs to put your mom in check. Shake her up and tell her to take responsibility for her children. Since she doesnt care about you and your siblings welfare find ways to do it for yourself. Sorry you have to grow up so fast b/c your mother hasnt realized it was her responsibility the second you all were born.
Good luck

Answer 10

If you live with your Grandma, keep your mouth shut unless you want to be put into foster care by Social Services. You won't get out until you are 18. It isn't likely you will be placed with your brother and sister either. How about trying to be nice to her for a change?