We have been together for about 5 months. The whole month of July he spent with his boys in Vietnam for 3 weeks. every weekend for the whole month of August was booked with his family functions, weddings, b-days, house warmings you name it. I went with him to all of them.
There were times that we'd drive to the east bay to see his family even in the middle of the week. Its the 2nd week of September and both weekends, he went home to visit his family. I'm starting to get irritatated because there are way to many family events of his and he doesn't schedule in quality time for us as much as he schedules his family in . we see each other everyday because we practically live together, he claims that we see each other everyday and isn't that enough?
My complaint is that I'd like to go out with him and do things and not just watch t.v at home and call that quality time. Is it right for me to be irritated with this? He says that I shouldn't.
2007-09-09 14:03:35 · 11 answers · asked by kiki 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like he is really close to his family. Take it from someone with experience in this area, if this bothers you now at 5 months dating, he is the WRONG guy for you. If you go on to have a deeper relationship, you will ALWAYS feel this way and worse.
If you feel irritated, you feel irritated. Right or wrong, it doesn't matter, that's how YOU feel. The fact that he thinks you shouldn't feel the way you do speaks volumes. It would be a little different if he said, "Well, I can see why you feel that way, but I have all these commitments."
Find a guy who has the qualities this one has, but it not QUITE as close to his family and can make you a priority. I did and I've never regretted it.
Good luck and best wishes.
Carlito, once again, you make me swoon.
2007-09-09 14:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is hard it looks to me like he a family kind of guy. I would suggest that you plan something on a day that you do have off even if it is in the week day so that he sees how much fun he can have with you, sort of honey him with that kind of things so he will want to spend it with you more often. I think as long as you are together it shouldn't be that bad.Now if he was leaving you behind then you might have something to complain about. I don't know i think this might be a deal breaker if you don't roll with him. It is best to find out early on. I personally love family time. So I don't see anything wrong with him wanting to spend the time with at his family functions. A caring family man means he will be a great family man and what better way to show your future kids that family matters most of all.
2007-09-09 14:14:02 · answer #2 · answered by LittleDaisy. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand, I think to would be frustrated too. Might feel he's to busy with his family and friends that he can't spend time with me. What kind of time do you want from him? But understand and be patient with him, he's not doing anything bad, respect his space is maybe what he's trying to get at. I could be a little jealous your feeling. If he is spending time with his family then let him be, you should be happy for him he gets along with is family an having fun. I don't think you could stop him, it would to disrspectful if he didn't go to those events, and their really important to him and his family. But maybe it's not fun for you because you don't know them very well, feel ackward, don't get along with them very well, spends time away from you. Maybe get to know them more, be more part of the family and friends. Why not ask him to spend time with your family with him too, maybe all enjoy it more or make him understand how you feel sometimes, explain to him how you feel. I do believe you should balance things out though too, every weekend. Are you home alone alot too? If so tell him that, tell him how he would feel if you did that to him. Plan something to do together once or twice a week. Talk to him that you want to be alone with him more and like to go out once in a while on dates or something, show your love for each other or try to go out with his friends. Tell him you think it's important to balance the relationship to keep it strong. But if you don't balance it right it could cause more arguments that might weaken it and brake you up, so be careful. Rethink about the situation, be truthful, be patient, ask yourself what's the right thing to do? Only you know. Hope this helps! God Bless!
2007-09-09 14:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by scorpiontiger00 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with roxiecat... If family is important to him and you've been invited almost every single time then you must be important to him too. I doubt it's like that all the time, summer months are usually pretty busy for most. If he has children already...that makes him even more important to his family, making it seem "normal" for his kids. If you are a person who requires all the attention, this may not be your guy. You'll have to learn to share him with others and be okay with it. You won't change him. However, tell him how you feel and see what he says.
2007-09-09 14:19:36 · answer #4 · answered by daff73 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's obligated to his family, you have been dating for 5 months, his family comes first...the fact that you have been invited says a lot.
I think it's wonderful that he loves his family so much, it shows that family is important to him.
You are seeing what your future will be like if you stay together, if you don't like it then I suggest you get out now, if you don't mind family get togethers then he may be the one. Just don't plan on changing him, it won't work.
2007-09-09 14:09:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean. Sad to say some guys are just like that... It's almost as if you have to pry them to have a getaway with you. I understand the feeling of everyone else coming first... it's a pain.
At least he is loyal to his family... future signs = he will be a famiy man vs all about friends guy!
2007-09-09 14:14:53 · answer #6 · answered by Chicka 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well agreed with roxiecat..... family is important to him and you should think your self lucky and privelaged to be invited to his family events after only dating for 5 months, try talking to him and maybe you can both come up with a special day just for you and him., in the meantime you will not be able to change the closeness he has with his family after all this is good and obviously is a big part of who he is, so try to enjoy it with him>
2007-09-09 15:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whether he likes it or not you ARE irritated and it probably won't go away just because he thinks it should. If he isnt sensitive to how you feel and he just doesnt get it then maybe youre with the wrong guy.
2007-09-09 14:25:49 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this one. Lots of people would be thrilled to be included as you are, but it's really a lousy deal. He wants a wife and a cooperative one at that! Stand firm on what you need, I ended up seeing a guy for 2 and a half years and only went on one vacation. TIDBITS were crammed between family stuff, kids, dogs, you name it. I wasn't #1, are you?
2007-09-09 14:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by LuckyEddie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know what you mean you want to go out and have fun with your man my bf is the same way sometimes but then I understand I know it gets boring at the house watching t.v. all day long ! omg just tell him you want to go places ! be serious and firm with what you want ! good luck ! i hope the best for you !
2007-09-09 15:11:04 · answer #10 · answered by miimmii_llynnn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋