How can I deal with someone who constantly insults me and criticizes every move I make?

Question

This person is a colleague of mine and I can't just avoid her. But every time I'm around her, she makes jokes about my physical appearance, criticizes everything I do, insults me at every turn, and orders me around like I am her slave. I have asked her repeatedly to stop and she just laughs and does nothing. Ignoring her doesn't work either. I can't tell the boss because they are best buds. I don't want to quit work because I need the money. What can I do?

Answer 1

If you can't leave, just do the work, give her no reaction to her words and deeds. I think once she realizes that her words have no effect on you, she will stop wasting her breath on saying them.

I realize you can't ignore her completely because there is work to be done. But you can focus on the work and turn off everything else she says.

If she makes a rude comment in the process of working with you, ask her what that has to do with the topic of work. Example, "Those are interesting comments about what you think about my shirt, but what does that have to do with this report?" or "Can we just focus on getting this work done, because frankly I want to finish as soon as possible so I can go back to ignoring you."

Next thing, SHE complains to the boss, and then you can say, it's because she makes unprofessional comments constantly and has been nothing but an insulting person the entire time you've known her and frankly keeps you from focusing on the work.

Answer 2

It doesn't matter whether or not she is best buds with the boss. You need to file a complain. Do you have Human Resources department? If you do, make sure that they are aware about it too. Do you have an eye witness? If you do, bring the person with you when you file for a complain with the boss. If you don't, or, the eye witness is scared of losing his or her job then make sure people see it when you file the complains. Or, go to the boss of your boss. If you work for a small company and the boss is the owner then the only thing you can do is to file complains. In the mean time look for another job. Give 2 weeks notice though. Because you don't want to burn the bridge. Knock on wood, hopefully you'll never have to go back there anymore.

Answer 3

I'd tell the boss, best buds or not. You don't have to be rude about it. Just say something like, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I really need your advice. Since you're good friends with I'm hoping you could help me. I'm sure she's not trying to be hateful, or anything, but some of the things she says are hurtful to me, and I'm having a hard time finding a way to interact with her at work. Do you have any suggestions on how she and I can get along better, and avoid these misunderstandings?"

If that doesn't work, then you're probably either going to have to find a new job, or suck it up and endure the horrible co-worker.

Answer 4

To be professional about it. Write it ALL down. What she says. How it makes you feel. The rules fro proper workplace behavior.

If the boss is her "friend" then definately TELL the bos.. In writing. And keep a copy, and have a copy to mail, certified return reicept.

Non profesionally. Give it right back to her. Slip in snide isults about her way of talking to you. Stuff like from elementary school works good. Point out to her at her level (school kid) that her behavior needs to change or else.

And let me add, tho not as advice, that some people deserve to have their cars keyed, the valve stems stolen, the ... You get the idea. Just don't leave any proof.

In short, thell her off to her face, with witnesses.

Answer 5

You should ask for a meeting with your boss with a third party present - human resources, your attorney, etc to make them aware of the problem. The third party will ensure that your statements are kept factual. She has to deal with it regardless of another personal relationship with the bully. It is your superiors responsibility to respond to and correct this problem. She may be bullying the boss as well - you never know.

You could also ask for a meeting with the bully, your boss and a third party and make your feelings known. Perhaps you have done something to insult her that you are not aware of.

In the meantime, if she says something to you again - don't be nice about telling her how you feel. People like that have an inferiority complex and will usually cave in when confronted with equal "insults". Be strong.

Answer 6

You do need to tell your boss. This is harassment and most companies have policies against it. If the boss choses to do nothing, then it goes higher than your boss to the boss's boss.

If you don't have the courage to do this, or feel it won't work, then your only other option is to start looking for a new job. When you give your notice after you accept another job, you send a letter to the top person at the company copying your boss telling them why you are quitting.

Answer 7

Do you act on her every "order" like a slave?
If she is in a position higher than you, you should do as she asks, but "feel" the way you are when doing so. You may not be able to change her, but you can change your own reactions.

Have along talk with yourself and position yourself to understand her as a very ill person, like someone dieing of something awful. Poor_____ that she feels she need to act this way. And have compassion that she may have some big troubles hiding somewhere.

When you feel like she is victumnizing you, she feels that, too, feeds off of it, and gloats within!

Now when you change that "vibe" to one of "poor ill colleague" I must go along with her ill humor for she has such a great burden.... then she feels that and it no longer feeds her ego. Laugh with her, and jump when she askes for help.

For her/your boss will see your willingness to do the job and also the compassion to tolerate the verbal abuse. You might get promoted past her, for you do not know if the boss is just "playing" her so as not to get verbally trashed as well!!

Answer 8

This is blatant harassment. Your boss should be aware of your uncomfortable situation with this person.

You should speak with your employer.

Tell your boss that you are concern. You are concern that your colleague is going through something terrible in her personal life that causes her to criticize and insult you in the public place.

Mention that you enjoy working with (your boss,) but the remarks from your colleague is becoming unbearable. Ask if there is anything you can do to help (besides hauling her to the nearest mental institution.)

Answer 9

First realize that your co-worker is the one with the problem, not you. This answer is going to sound weird, but it works. Every time she criticizes you or insults you, give her a compliment, or say something nice about her before she has a chance to slam you. If you are overweight and she is being obnoxious about it, ask her for help...even if you don't really need it...if she doesn't like your hair, ask her how she would change it to make you more attractive...etc. She has maturity problems, or else is going through a troubling time herself and picking on you is her vent... I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but as hard as it will be to do this...pray for her, and let God sort it out. I hope this helped. Chris

Answer 10

This is how you earn your salary, in ALL jobs, putting up with nauseating co-workers. And the creepier they are, the "closer" they stay to the boss, too.
Concentrate on being there for the money, and the independence, dignity, etc. that money will buy you. Keep it at the forefront of your mind all the time.
Tune out the creep (like a radio) in your mind, as she speaks and "operates". Pay serious attention to what she is saying without reacting to it, and not changing your expression.
Remember, you can put up with ANY behavior if you do not react to it----picture her as a screaming toddler, or as a drooling insane person. With all those types of people, you do not have to "respond" at their level to interact with them----you do not have to cry like the toddler, or rant like the insane person, so you don't have to "react" when this creep starts on you.
The moment she does (and she will), picture your next salary check going into the bank, and it will focus you.