All about Adoption?

Question

I'm adopted. I'm 18 was adopted at the age of 3. I know quite a bit about my birth history and why adopted but at the moment seeing anything related to adoption really makes me want to cry. Need help??

Answer 1

http://www.AdultAdoptees.org

come and join us!

Answer 2

You are loved. You are loved by your adoptive parents. Whether you want to believe it or not, you are also loved by your birth parents.

At 18, you are probably coming into your own and realizing that you now are legally able to search for your birth parents. You are also probably realizing that you may need to make the same decision, keep a baby or place for adoption, in the future.

You may ask yourself how someone can give up a child. You don't know what your birthmom's circumstances were at the time, and maybe you never will. However, being 18 and having been adopted at 3, she must have loved you very much to be able to give you up just so that you could have a better life than she could give you.

It is OK that adoption brings out emotion. It is the day that adoption no longer brings out emotion that you should be worried about. Adoption is such a sign of love. Don't fight it.

Answer 3

The older that we get we realize that there are so many things that make us who we are. Being adopted means that many of us do not know things about ourselves and this is what so many other people take for granted.

Adoption has it benefits and it drawbacks. There is no simple answer when someone is unwilling or unable to care for a child. What happens though is that the child can grow up with what feels like a missing identity.

There are many, many groups on the internet and in communities that can help you through what you are feeling. It is completely normal. Adoption has different effects on each individual. Maybe you can find something in adoption reform or law, advocacy that you are passionate about. Sometimes being involved helps you gain strength.

I use searching for birth families and adoptees as my outlet.

Answer 4

18 is tough. You are seeking your identity part of which lies with your birth family. Some feelings of sorrow and loss are natural You DID lose something that most people have. (You already have been told and know that you gained something, too, but somehow at this point in your life that seems moot.)

Counseling might help. Talking thru your feelings, making a life history book, searching out birth relatives, or a myriad of other things might help you adjust. Realize that this is a tough time for all people your age but it often does tend to hit adoptees harder. The good news is that adoptees often are better adjusted psychologically and emotionally once they hit their early to mid 20s than their non-adopted peers. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 5

Oh, darlin'! I'm so sorry that you're dealing with the difficult emotions that can come with being adopted.

My suggestion is to see about going to a counselor or therapist who has a good amount of experience in adoption issues. You should be able to contact an organization like Children's Aid Society (Google "Children's Aid Society" and your state name to find the contact info...or look in your community yellow pages). Another good resource might be the child welfare office where you live. You can find the contact info for your state by going to http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp_website.cfm?typeID=10&rate_chno=AZ-0002E and clicking on your state's name. Either of these two groups could point you to a therapist or counselor with experience in adoption.

You're not alone. Most adoptees work through grief and loss issues, not just once in their lives but to some extent during every change in stage in life. You can work through it & find happiness, peace and fulfillment. You deserve it, too!

May God bless you!

Answer 6

I would seek therapy and perhaps finding your birth family would help.....I know when I gave my son up PaPa Don't Preach was always on the radio......I cried so much and I never thought I would ever feel normal again.....know in your heart that you are loved by not 1 but 2 sets of parents......and also remember that life gets easier as we get older....When you are in your own relationship you will find yourself perhaps having a child and knowing that love is more than any other love possible.....It doesn't matter if you were adopted or not you have a lot of love in your love in your life more than most people do......May The Lord Bless You!!!

Answer 7

See if you can find an adoptee support group and talk to other adoptees. I am guessing you are from USA but any adoption agency should be able to give you information as to how to find this. Talking and sharing experiences with other teens who have been adopted will be great therapy in itself, cos sometimes it feels like you are on your own.

It's great to talk to your parents too but it sometimes helps to talk to others outside your family. I know you'll get through this - hang in there. All the best...

Answer 8

I have no idea where you live but there is a wonderful counseling center in Cambridge, Massachusetts that is devoted completely to adoption. It is run by Dr. Joyce Pavao, an adoptee herself who has spent her career devoted to counseling and research. I'm sure her office could direct you to a place nearer to you or they are also willing to do phone consultations if that is something you want. There is definitely sadness and rejection along with the joy that adoption brings and it is something you should seek our help for. Your parents may have difficulty helping you if it is a sensitive issue for them but, it should be something they can learn to support you with. It is completely normal for you to have sadness and questions and wonderings -- please get help.
The Cambridge place is called "Center for Family Connections" and their phone number is 617-547-0909.

Answer 9

the part of adoption that makes me sad is,when there is so many kids that hasnt been adopted yet. who doesnt have a home and someone to love and hold them.its sad. then the part that makes me happy is theres people out there that are very speical who has so much love their willing to take a child and give them a home,hope and love.i hope you were one that got these people who didnt haved to care but loved you with the very bottom of their heart.and i hope you remind them often how much you love them. and i think only people with good hearts get sad , god doesnt make mistakes but sometimes when a child is born they get born to the wrong people ,but the ones that are waiting to love them are waiting not far away, good luck with your family.

Answer 10

i'm going to answer this as though you were my daughter and i hope you don't mind. (i adopted my daughter) she was going through a time where she felt as though no one wanted her and she was all alone. but i explained it to her this way(she's11) someone doesn't have a mom or a dad to love them. and she has 2 moms and 2 dads all who love her (not sure who father is but i wasn't going to tell her that she's 11) so honey whenever you feel like you want to cry turn those tears into tears of joy, and start thanking God for blessing you with a loving family. and i'm not real sure of your situation but i'm sure there are things you can thank God for.

Answer 11

Why dont you ask your mom and dad if you can see a therapist for some help. For some adoptees, their situation may cause stress and wonder. Your feelings are completely normal but sometimes having someone who is "not in the picture" to talk to can be helpful.