Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent ink pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.
Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your ceiling.
Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.
X File fans: Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.
A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.
2007-09-09 08:42:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
lmaoooooooooooooooo . cool and nice one mate .
woooooooooohoooooooooooo
some of them really matches with me mate especially the vodka and alien one
cheers mate
2007-09-09 08:57:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I smoked for 20 years. I used the patch. You don't start with the strongest but the one down from the strongest. I also sent off for free info from the American Cancer society and the Lung association. Then I picked a quit date and planed my week around it. The first day was on a Sunday. I went to places where there was no smoking. Movies, mall etc. and I stayed away from smokers. I started walking and drinking lots of water. and I prayed!!! After 5 tried, and quiting for months at a time I finally did it with Gods help! I don't want it at all anymore. It's been 9 years now. Whew... †
2016-04-03 23:00:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cool
2007-09-11 05:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by DeathsToy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks.
Those handy hints
should improve
my life.
2007-09-15 09:36:02 · answer #4 · answered by candle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is one funny joke.....you get a star again, yeah it's free!!
Tell Buddy "HI"!
nfd♥
2007-09-09 09:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by fishineasy™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!!!
I'll have to try the mouse trap on my hubby's alarm clock.lol.
Still laughing! can't get over these, the tooooooo gooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-12 05:30:24 · answer #6 · answered by April J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol...thanks for the advice...I sure will follow it.
Here's my star.
And whats that DE you put at the end of each answer?
2007-09-11 00:11:15 · answer #7 · answered by Schumi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haaaaaaaaaa! Nothing makes me laugh like your jokes. I'm saving your jokes to cheer up my friends. Thanks a lot.
2007-09-09 15:05:39 · answer #8 · answered by witch2order 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats funny
2007-09-09 09:15:09 · answer #9 · answered by shantel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
these are hilarious 2!!
another star!
2007-09-15 14:43:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋