What should I do I'm 23weeks pregnant?

Question

My boyfriend is fed up of me being so insecure. I hate the way I look as i have auburn hair and pale skin. Girls these days dress like tarts, dolled up lovely, and men love them especially blonds. My boyfriend gets so annoyed and has said to me he is fucked if he stays with and fucked if he gets rid, due to maintanence fees. I have no parents, no family nearby and no friends. Just one or two. I work as a theatre nurse in keighley, but live in Leeds, so its along way to travel. People don't like me as i'm quite and reserved, and I'm very anxious. How come some girls have loads of confidence, it seems to me its all about sex, girls ahve to be tanned, blond and slim to pull. I just feel like the world is against me. My boyfriend has had enough of me taking it out on him and i can't go out and have a laugh like other girls as i don't have any confidence. I think its too late, don't know what I should do? Maybe adapt the baby as i'll be an unfit mother?

Answer 1

Wait another 13 weeks, I guess...

Answer 2

I'm guessing your hormones are all over the place at the moment for one thing. Don't know if this will help but I spent most of my 20s being blonde and slim and it didn't make me confident or help me pull, in fact my plumper brunette mate had far more boyfriends than I ever did, because I was so insecure I thought if anyone did ask me out they were taking the mickey (I'd been a fat kid, takes a long while to wear off psychologically). We've all been there luv, everyone in the world has, at some point in their life, thought that everyone else is having more fun, is prettier, better off or whatever than us. It says quite a bit that you say you hate the way you look because you have auburn hair and pale skin (which sounds like a fantastic combination and I'm jealous), but don't mention the pregnancy - your boyfriend found you attractive enough both in looks and as a person, to get together with you in the first place, so why wouldn't he find you attractive now? Unless you think he's put off because your body is changing. You don't mention if you still love him or not either. It sounds almost as if you've been testing him, to get him to reassure you, but blokes don't get that, you know. You have to spell it out in words of one syllable, else he'll just think you've turned into a shrew - they are that thick when it comes to your feelings. And he may well have gone off sex due to your pregnancy, but that isn't about you, honest, it's about him - might be scared he'd hurt the baby, might be anything. As to being an unfit mother - well, I doubt very much you really think that, do you? I presume you're going to a clinic for the baby (or will be soon) - take a deep breath and talk to the other expectant mums there, I bet you're not the only one feeling like this.

Answer 3

I can see why your confidence has dropped so low. First of all, you have to forget this idea that only 'tanned blondes' get men - it's totally untrue. Men like VARIETY! Having auburn hair and pale skin is nothing to be ashamed of.
Secondly, I think your boyfriend should be more supportive of you whilst your pregnant - he's actually being a TERRIBLE father-to-be. I suggest getting some councelling/therapy before the baby is born, just to boost your confidence about being a mother. Just because you can't go out and have fun with other girls right now, doesn't mean you'll make an unfit mother. The only reason you should even CONSIDER giving your baby away is if you are financially unstable and/or genuinely think the baby would be better off living without you.
Best of luck with the councelling/therapy and the baby. :]

Answer 4

Some pregnant woman bloom when preganant and other like me feel fat ugly spotty and insecure loads of emotions and it its not your fault feeling like this its all those hormones working overtime and as for your so called boyfriend his being a typical bloke and not understanding what it like to be pregnant it easy for people to say he should b supoortive but i bet he dont no how now how to support you when your feeling low. A compliment now and again would help and it would make you feel special. If he wants to leave you then let him otherwise he will resent you even more. when you hold your bundle of joy for the first time its an amazing feeling and nothing else in the world matters. Cant you phone ur mum or family it helps talking things through or internet. Hope everythings gos well in your pregnancy and dont forget having a baby is the better then any bloke once you have had bub you can join mother and baby group it get u sociallising good luck

Answer 5

Have you tired talking to a professional about how your feeling they might be able to advise you best. Or even direct you to pregnancy groups, you'll find people you have something in common with there making it easier to break the ice, you can make friends and they will be some form of support for you. I think attending a group would be best but if you dont feel comfortable with that maybe use the net to find people to become friends with and for support.
Your relationship with your boyfriend doesnt sound the best try taking a break from each other it might give you both a chance to realise your own priorities.
I think no matter what you should TRY and sort somethings out before the baby arrives if possible otherwise things will just get harder.

Answer 6

Give yourself a break-I think you are probably too hard on yourself. You seem to be aware of your short comings so that is really half the battle. Everyone feels down sometimes. Now you need to get in touch with your attributes and challenge yourself.
If you don't like the way your life is, then you need to start taking steps towards making it what you want. Easier said than done I know, but at the same time true. If you are not able to be happy with yourself then 'the men' won't be either no matter what you look like. Confidence will follow.
I would suggest seeing a counselor. Not because you are being crazy, but because it would offer a more in depth objective view to your entire situation.

Answer 7

Has this just come up since you became pregnant or has this been an ongoing issue?

Your boyfriend is with you because he cares for you and thinks you're pretty. He isn't with a blonde "tart", he's with YOU.

People are avoiding you because of the negative vibe you're constantly putting out, not because you have auburn hair and pale skin. It's not all about sex. It's about being a good person, being comfortable with yourself, and having a good sense of humor.

Try to take it easy on your boyfriend. There's nothing here to take out on him and he doesn't deserve it.

I don't know why you think you are an unfit mother. Have you talked to your doctor? This sounds a lot like depression to me.

Answer 8

omgoodness, so many problems! Well first, you need to have more self confidence and self respect so that your boyfriend treats you better and that people will start to notice. You should love the way you look, find at least three things good about your self, whether physical or inward beauty. You should not be concerned about other girls, i know that's difficult, but try. You and your boyfriend need more respect and trust in your relationship. You shouldn't ever think it's too late; it is NEVER too late. Have one last cry and move on to a better, stronger, happier you. And about the baby, the choice is yours. Answer this question: Do you love yourself? If the answer is no, then you cannot love your baby, so adoption would be better for the baby, because the baby needs to be loved. And if you do decide to put the baby up for adoption you should leave contacts so that the baby can find you later.

Answer 9

You really need to get some self confidence and self esteem. There are gorgeous women with auburn hair and pale skin. I'm a natural blond and I actually dyed my hair auburn all the way through high school because I think it's such a beautiful color.

Life is what you make it. If you think your life sucks then it probably will, if you have a positive outlook your life will be more positive. It's all about your perception.

Work with what you got.

EDIT~I agree with Carol B. If dying your hair blonde and getting a tan is all it will take for you to be confident, then do it by all means.

Answer 10

So sad that you have bought into the unrealistic view of women portrayed by the media. You sound lovely, really - and think---why would thousands of women be spending tons of money to get their hair dyed auburn, hmmm? And look at models carefully -- the ones advertising make-up almost always have pale porcelain skin. Because it is pretty!!

You are right that too many girls don't value themselves and dress like tarts, but that doesn't mean you have to do it to find acceptance.

I suggest you get some counseling to help you develop a more positive self-image, and also find some ways to help you cope with your anxiety.

Your boyfriend chose YOU, NOT some blond tart, right?? So something in him was attracted to your lovely auburn hair and porcelain skin.

I'm certain, too, that more people like you than you may be aware of. Perhaps you are just feeling unstable because of the uncertainties in your life. The main uncertainty for you right now is that your boyfriend doesn't really seem ready to commit to you (I'm talking marriage, the legal and only truly binding commitment) and your baby, you don't have any family and feel like no one likes you, so you are unsure of your future and getting emotional support, just at the time you are absolutely in the most need of it.

Your boyfriend needs to be more considerate of your feelings and not use the f*** word with you so often...instead, he should be doing his f****ing best to support you financially and emotionally. If he isn't willing to do so, I suggest you do make a visit to a lawyer very soon, to ensure that you and your baby will get the financial help you are entitled to by law.

Answer 11

You won't be an unfit mom. You may want to think about giving the baby up for adoption only to benefit the child, because you feel as though your life is out of control right now. Having a baby won't fix the problems between you and your BF. You need to take time for yourself and learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Pregnant women are the most beautiful women in the world, so if your BF can't see that then he's not worth it. Love yourself, your body and your unborn baby.