Ok I'm pregnant-- what next?

Question

First off-- I don't need any answers like "you should have use protection" or "what about stds"--- already thought about that a thousand times. And I can't change the past so lets move on and try to figure out what to do!!

I found out recently that I'm pregnant. The "father" was just a one night stand, after a night of getting completely drunk. I'm try to deiced what would be best for the baby. 1) keep it and give a loving home or 2) give it to a family (place it for adoption) with two parents that can love it. I recently finished with college, so financial I would be able to afford caring for it. If I do give it away I want it to be a Christian family with good moral values-- does anyone know of an agency that does that?

Thanks everyone for your feed back. I wanted to get others thoughts on what to do. However-- I've been contacted by quite a few people who only interested in adopting-- that said, I don't know what I'm going to do. I still have several months to think and pray about. Please don't send me private messages stating that you are wanting to adopt-- I can respect how much you want a child-- but I am not going to make a choice now or in the near future.
Thanks everyone for your feedback-- it's left me with more questions then answers! But I really had no idea where to even start and y'all have given me some good ideas.

Answer 1

talk to a councilors don't wait to long to decide and your young hunny you can have more kids ~i am 48 have 3 now please i want to ty for having enough sense to know that keeping this baby will be a huge burden and a infant if your not ready will really change your life also i may add alot of people rite now will be happy to pay to have you leave town for awhile to avoid any embarresment and have they baby sign it over and return to your normal life GOD BLESS YOU ANGEL nad we all live and kearn also may i kindly add dont close these eager folks out to fast there your best help rite now peace be with you!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Are you looking to place your child up for adoption because of fear? (being able to cope, being responsible for another person, not being a good mum etc). If this is the case then there is a lot of help you can get. I was adopted when I was a child and I used to feel it was because my parents didn't love me or want me. It left me with an inferiority complex and my adopted parents had a lot of mixed emotions to deal with. So please think hard before you make any decision. I am not trying to put you off adoption as I love my adopted parents very very much and could not have asked for a better childhood. Maybe if you choose adoption a letter that your child could read from you at 18 explaining why, would help you both if ever there was a re-union at a later date. Hope this helps and counseling may help you reach the right decision

Answer 3

I would say if you are capable of caring for the baby then keep it. It may not be the best timing or the best situation since the father was a one night stand but things happen and this is a consequence.

With that said, I gave a baby up for adoption when I was much younger b/c I was completely incapable of caring for myself much less another life. It was a terrible situation but instead of abortion or self loathing I found a nice family that was unable to have children of their own. There are plenty of adoption agencies that are Christian based. But if there isn't one specifically Christian based you have the option of interviewing prospective parents. It's up to you.

All I can say is that giving a child up for adoption will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. You will think about what they are doing, where they are, who they're with, what they like, what they look like, if they have any of your traits, every single day of your life. It's very hard.

I would suggest talking to those that have gone through both sides. Single mothers and birth mothers. Weigh your options and make a decision.

If you have any questions feel free to message me. I'm happy to help in any way I can.

Answer 4

Hi!

I like your attitude about accepting the unchangeable past while dealing with the here and now and respect your resolve not to make hasty decisions around using your child to meet someone else unmet need. Your use of the term "give my baby .." was a little possessive sounding, but you overall come across as a person who recognises that the life growing in you is not a commodity in a market place.

My instinct is that YOU are that child's best hope. The two parent formula is no match for a loving birth mother. Don't deny your child the possibility of knowing you because you feel you don't reach some bench-mark "ideal". You are the ideal. Anything else could be good but not as good.

Blessings and good wishes.

Answer 5

there are several Christian based adoption agencies. Lither Social Services and Catholic agencies (see phone Book) You really must look at what is best for the child. Since you are not married, the child would grow up in a single parent family. and since the father of the child was only the one night stand chances of you being able to find him are slim so child support is probably not an option. Are you able to care for the child on your income.? It will not be cheap. Diapers Formulas Day care Dr bills. etc. Once you become employed as right out of college pay is not that great and ofter Insurance benefits are not in effect in insurance for a while That is 18 years of your life too. Usually a loving Christian family is easy to come by and something they may even talk to you. Check out Open adoptions. You can Talk to Planned Parenthood in your area and they will counsel you and not look down on your decision whatever it may be. Call them for a consultation. Cost is free or very cheap, ?You can also get birth control education there so this does not happen again.

Answer 6

Even though it was just a one night stand, you really should let the father know. At least give him the opportunity to support the baby if he chooses, or be a part of the baby's life. If he isn't interested, then ask yourself some hard questions as to whether you really want to give the baby up or not. You may have second thoughts once you deliver, and later on down the road, regret giving the baby up for adoption. Right now, you are no doubt in shock, so I would suggest waiting a little while before you decide on what you want to do. If you decide to adopt the baby out perhaps there is a way you can keep in touch as the baby grows; of course this is again, your decision. Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

Answer 7

Sorry about your circumstances. You need to choose what is best for the baby and you. Consider it from all angles especially if you can provide a good life for the child. If you decide to make an adoption plan, pick a good agency. There are a lot out there, but make sure you choose one where you can select the adoptive family. You will be able to pick the parameters-Chrisitan, no kids or kids, married, single, country or city, college educated or not, and whatever else. Then you will be given some profiles that meet your parameters and you can pick. If none are good for you, then more will be presented. You can always change your mind right up until the rights are terminated which isn't until after the birth. You can also choose the degree of openness of the adoption-from closed (no contact, no information shared) to totally open (visits with the child, phone calls, gifts exchanged) and all points inbetween . If you know who the birth father is, he needs to agree to the adoption as well. Good luck. It won't be easy either way but only you know what is the best/

Answer 8

Congratulations!

Keep your baby, you are BEST able to care for and love your little one, you are the momma this baby wants to be greeted by, and raised by. Your body knows what to do, and you are the only one who can provide the perfect food for your baby.

Until you give birth and hold your baby, it is not possible to imagine the connection you will feel. Endorphins and hormones will do some wild things to bring you close to and absolutely in love with your baby.

Adoption is a structure built upon loss. Please, don't sentence your child to that. And don't fall for that "loving sacrifice BS" that is a bunch of brainwashing. Your child will NOT feel loved by being bought and raised by strangers, no matter how nice they are; they still ARE NOT YOU.

Enjoy this magical time, don't stress so much, babies aren't terribly expensive if you choose to parent naturally - breastfeed and co-sleep. Motherhood is amazing and wonderful. Congrats Again!!!!!!!

Answer 9

You are right to consider your options since this is not something that you planned for. You can't worry about other people's opinions because they are like butt holes, everyone has one. If you are capable to properly care for this child financially, lovingly and every other way... then raise that beautiful baby. The Bible refers to children as "the fruitage of the belly." If you do not feel it in your heart to raise your baby then there are plenty of people out there who are unable to have children and would love to have your baby. Remember, you have the ultimate say. You could also have an open adoption...... just make sure you can handle seeing your child in someone else's hands and your child possibly not knowing you as Mommy. I just thank God that you did not opt for abortion being that it is not the baby's fault.

My brother and I were adopted when we were babies through Catholic Charities and they did consider what religion my parents were. Just make that part of the criteria for potential parents. Baby girl, just pray, pray and pray some more before you come up with your answer. Once you sign those papers for putting your baby up for adoption, there may be no turning back. Can you handle going through child birth, all those emotions and then leaving the hospital alone? Ask yourself those hard quesions. There are plenty single, independent women who raise children alone. Don't think that you can't do it because you can and it won't be easy, but in the end its all worth it. I commend you for having the courage to even ask that question. It means that your heart is in the right place, wanting to do whats best for that baby in your belly. Thats love, some times loving is knowing how to let go and some time its knowing how to buck up and handle what you have started. I hope, wish and pray for the best for you and your unborn child. (No disrespect but please stop referring to the unborn child as "it". I mean well when I tell you that.)

Answer 10

Please think very hard about giving up your child. In most cases the best thing that you can do for your baby, is keep it. The second thing that you should do is tell the father. You shouldn't even think about making that decision by your self. Its only fair that you give him the option to make that choice as well. But if you choose adoption, there are plenty of couples that really want to have children, that have no luck with adoption agencys. Private adoptions! Think about it? I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie!

Answer 11

You have time to decide you might think about getting some counseling for it. If you do decided to go with adoption there are many Christian based adoption agencies. So having the baby placed with a Christian couple will not be a problem. Since you are just starting out in your career its understandable that your also thinking about adoption. You could also do an open or semi open adoption too.

What about the father? you will need to try and contact him as he would have to give up his rights to the baby in order for the adoption to be able to be done. God forbid the baby was placed with a loving family, only a few years later for the bio father to find out he has a child, and go and claim the child. In that situations unless the courts deemed him unfit they would give the child to him, even if the child had been with their adopted parents for a few years.