I dated a guy for almost 2 years, I moved across the United states for him, and he became my life. I was completly in love. About nine months ago he broke up with me, and I had the worst time getting over it, actually I am still not over it. I became depressed, suicidal, and just not me. About a week or so ago me and him started talking again, we decided it would be good to become friends again. He has been really sweet and I thought this would help me get over the situation but a few days ago he told me he was a idiot to let me go, and how he had someone who loved him and he ****** it up. I still love him with all my heart but dont want to go back to being depressed and suicidal. What should I do? Should I just keep being friends with him, or cut ties with him? Also he didn't want to talk to me for almost nine months and now he does what does that mean? Please help.
2007-09-09 06:02:28 · 22 answers · asked by shorty937222000 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Here is an amazing thing about exes: Just when you think you've gotten over them they come back around. It's like the common cold, seriously, almost like they can sense it.
You made the mistake of planning your life around someone else. That way, when everything fell through you probably felt like you had nothing.
This is the time for you to think about what YOU want out of your life. You need to question if it's really realistic that you could be "friends" with this guy without past feelings coming up? He really hurt you and getting over that insecurity takes a ton of work on both sides of the fence.
What do you feel that you are worth as a woman? Sometimes we need to let ourselves get angry. We aren't used to that so we hold it back. This guy dumped you after you made a huge sacrifice for him. You have a right to be mad and to feel like you deserve more, and you really do. Take some time away from him (no talking etc.)
Think about what you really feel you need. There is a difference between that and what you want. A strong woman will choose the former.
Good luck!
2007-09-09 06:09:55 · answer #1 · answered by Kristen 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is not nearly enough information here to give any real advise. Here are some questions I think you should ask yourself.
How did he treat you when you were in the relationship?
How did he break up with you? Was it a valid reason?
Has anything changed (the old adage is if that if nothing changes, nothing changes)?
Is the reason he broke up with you likely to resurface?
What is his history in past relationships? How about your history in past relationships?
How does he treat his mother? (Don't laugh-you can tell a lot about how he will treat you over time by how he treats his mother.)
Is he a jerk? Impossible to satisfy? Impossible to live with? Was he unfaithful?
Are you a jerk, impossible to satisfy, impossible to live with? Were you unfaithful?
Be honest. Write this stuff down. Then look at it as if were advising your best friend instead of yourself. What would you tell her?
Whether you go back with him or not--find some other things in life-so that he is not your be all and end all (I'd suggest God). Not only will that make you less vulnerable, it will also make you more interesting to him (or other fellows).
Good luck. I'll pray for you.
2007-09-09 06:31:40 · answer #2 · answered by Share 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't the answer you're going to want to hear, but I mean it sincerely. The problem is not with him, it's with you. Anytime a relationship (with anyone) becomes so important in your life that you become suicidal about it you have a problem. Breaking up is hard. It hurts terribly and can be hard to get over, but frankly, you sound like you were obsessed to the point that the relationship BECAME your life. This is not good. I truly think you need to work on yourself, your self-esteem, defining YOUR life, and achieving some goals before you will be able to put ANY relationship in perspective. Your emotional health is too unstable to involve yourself in a relationship that ended once, and could end again. Time to take care of YOU kiddo. You'll be glad in the end.
2007-09-09 06:11:30 · answer #3 · answered by Caper 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't take him back, he passed u over once for someone else, he will again. he had someone else and now that relationship has gone sour, so he is coming back to u, because he doesn't like being alone and having no one. but if he loved u he would never have left u in the first place. he is someone that doesn't think before he destroys someones life. i would not even be friends with him, being friends will just open the way for him to get back in your heart, once a rat always a rat. if u did take him back and u got hurt again, would u have the strenght to cut it off or would it totally destroy you? he is using u because he now finds himself alone and lonely but if he wasn't satisfied with u before why would he suddenly have such a change of heart. best not go there unless u want more heartache.
2007-09-09 06:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not heard from him in nine month? Kinda sounds like something for him didn't work out. The thing is you don't want to be the crutch.(The person he keeps running back to when things don't work out!)
He didn't think about your feelings, did he? I found out for myself that even though I loved the guy, he was no good for me. One thing I have learned to do in this situaction is: If my best friend of sister was having this problem, what would I advise them to do. Then you should take that advice,cos you care enough to give your friends the very best advice you have right? Good Luck, Your choice will create your future.
2007-09-09 06:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by Powersthatbe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's probably just feeling lonely and wants someone... naturally, he's going for the girl that was head-over-heels for him. It sounds like the relationship you had was not very healthy. It's great to have a nice relationship and be close, but you cannot fully attach your life to a boyfriend. A husband? Maybe. The fact that you let him bring your life down to the point that it did tells me that you were way more attached to him than you should have been. To avoid that again, you shouldn't return to him. It is fishy that all of a sudden he wants you back to. Loneliness is not a good reason to start a relationship. You worked so hard to get over him... why throw that away? It's not worth it, hun. Keep your chin up and if need be, keep him out of your life if you feel you can't "just be friends."
Cheers! :)
2007-09-09 06:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by Cochy 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This situation smells fishy to me. In nine months, I would guess that he could be rebounding to you from someone else. If that is the case, just don't go there girl! If he really loved you, it wouldn't take feeling lonely to bring him back. Even if this isn't a rebound attempt on his part, you need to get yourself healthy before you can enter into another relationship, be it with him or someone else. Try seeing a good therapist to help you sort out your priorities and get your life back on track, with or without a man!
2007-09-09 06:13:16 · answer #7 · answered by buckeyeLady32 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, sounds suspicious to me, like his plans didn't work out and now he's using you as part of Plan B. It also seems like you have too much invested in this relationship, and that you need to work out who you are outside of knowing him - you should do that whether or not you get back with him - any time you let other people define you, you are at risk.
Find out as much as you can about what he did while you were apart, that may give you some clues as to if he's sincerely regretted what happened, or if he's just using you. Also, make him talk a lot about his future, so you can figure out if he's got you in that picture. His statement 'I had someone who loved me' isn't encouraging, wouldn't 'I had someone I loved and who loved me' be better?
2007-09-09 06:12:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been there hun.......you have to let him go. When he finds someone else again (cause that is what he did, right? Started seeing someone else) He will do it again. I know a guy just like that... he was my world, I pretty much wprshipped him...and once he won me over, he got tired of it, and moved on to the next. Once that ended, he came back to me.... I almost fell for it. I cut him loose completely, and found a man that loves ME. and wants to be with ME, not with the idea of the chase.
2007-09-09 06:08:48 · answer #9 · answered by vega_five 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well he blew u away for nine months well thats a long time i think u should give him a chance as u love him alot and care for him this will help u finding out that how much he cares for u or it just that he is trying to get u again well choice is all urs either give him a chance or **** him up and find someone who really loves u and care for u because life is all about luvin some one and being loved and respected by some one well thats what i think!!!!!!!!
2007-09-09 06:17:40 · answer #10 · answered by Andrew Benjamin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋