My widowed father has recently married a lovely woman who was previously divorced. My siblings and I are adults, married with young kids ourselves, and now we have adult step-siblings. Our step-siblings' father (who lives about 6 hours away) has terminal cancer, so now we're wondering if we should plan to go to his funeral, if/when it comes to that. We would like to establish good relationships with our step-siblings, whom we barely know. They all live long distance from us, and we only met most of them the weekend of the wedding. Logistically finding childcare and taking time off from work, etc will be a hassle for us, but just wondering what the etiquette is for this. Thanks in advance.
2007-09-09 03:03:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Thanks for the input thus far. We do not know the man who is ill. But my mom died of cancer, too, leaving my dad a widower. So I guess that my sibs and I feel a bond with our step-sibs b/c of that commonality. Also, all of us "kids" did seem to get along quite well at the wedding and surrounding festivities, even not knowing each other well. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking we should go there for personal gain of any sort--only to express our grief with them--anyone know the story of Job??--his friends sat silent with him in the dirt for seven days....). We recently attended a wake for a friend's father, and it meant a LOT to her that we took the time to come, even though we had only met him once. Just looking for some depth of thought from the larger community that we may not have amongst ourselves....
2007-09-10 13:15:51 · update #1
have you ever met this man that has cancer ??? and whilst trying to establish a good relationship with your adult step siblings is an EXCELLENT idea I think that in this case it would be the very best for all, when the time comes for you to just send a nice bouquet to the family as a while from all of you along with individual cards from all your side to theirs.
Will the lady your dad has married, will she be going?
I would also run it by your dad and see what his take is with the whole idea...which is great but think it might be misplaced for attending this funeral.
regards
2007-09-09 03:15:32 · answer #1 · answered by candy g 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing would be to attend the funeral. Funerals are for the living - to remember, grieve, and be with friends and family in their time of need.
Due to the distance, sending a nice floral arrangement to the wake, a donation in lieu of flowers to the American Cancer Society or Hospice (if it has been noted), and a sympathy card with a handwritten note/short letter should be the very least.
Perhaps you and your siblings could all carpool so the 12 hours of driving could be split up and then it is only one day with a couple of hours of drive time each. Perhaps your spouses could stay home with the kids while you attend or would your father be willing to sit for the grandchildren or is he attending as well?
2007-09-09 03:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by Sarah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you did not have a relationship with the man, then no, a funeral is not an appropriate time to establish a relationship with the siblings. "Sorry about your loss, by the way lets do lunch' doesn't cut it.
Send flowers/donation to charity (whatever) on behalf of the father. Send a card with a note to the sibs.
Call about a week later and make arrangements to meet, perhaps at a more auspicious time, i.e., thanks giving, or another date so that everyone can make arrangements re: child care, time off work in advance?
2007-09-09 04:18:05 · answer #3 · answered by Pacifica 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is a good question. Going to someone's funeral shows you care about the people who are involved. Sometimes to go is a hardship. That is a given. One or two could go as the representative of that side of the family. Make sure you send a card, perhaps flowers.
2007-09-09 06:05:43 · answer #4 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that out of respect for your step-siblings you should attend the funeral. After all once they loose their loved one they are going to need all the support from you. I tell you from experience because I to lost my dad to cancer and my step-siblings came along and their support really help us bond. It's been 15 years since his passing and we still keep in touch.
2007-09-09 03:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by ◄Rainy~♥~Rain► 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of Course.By attending ( if you so desire) you are acknowledging family ties and this brings the family together.Their grief should be as yours.If you don't~relationships will fade and when you are old you may regret.After all what do you lose by doing a good and right thing.What do you lose when you don't do it?
2007-09-09 03:16:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-04 06:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think that out of respect for everyone involved, I would attend. I still attend the funerals of my exwives family, if not to respect her family but for my children as well.
2007-09-09 03:55:50 · answer #8 · answered by damond h 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is a hassle I would say don't go. It should not affect your relationship with your step-siblings.
2007-09-09 04:42:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
the simplest of answers: ASK YOUR STEP-SIBLINGS WHAT THEY WILL WANT.
they are the ones who matter.
2007-09-09 03:25:59 · answer #10 · answered by mclass920 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋