One of my old friends from high school is in a bad situation and I'm not sure what to say/do to help her. She has a daughter from a previous relationship and a 3-month-old son with her boyfriend of 4 years. She dropped out of high school and doesn't have a job. They're barely scraping by as it is. Her boyfriend is a jerk. He works, but he's cheated on her in the past, can be really jealous, and won't marry her even though she is desperate to get married. We've all tried to get her to leave him, but she's head over heels in love with him. She was really happy when she found out that she was pregnant with his son; I think she thought that having his baby would change his mind about marriage. (It hasn't). She just found out that she's pregnant again and she's thrilled. I'm really worried about her. What is the tactful thing to say in this situation? I don't want to be mean, but I don't want to sound supportive of her being with him either when he treats her so poorly .
2007-09-09 02:36:30 · 10 answers · asked by insomniac 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Tell her that you love her and that you can no longer watch her be abused by this boyfriend and that you hope that she finds happiness... then walk away! Putting stress on yourself because someone else is too stupid to see what's going on or too weak to do anything about it.. isn't fair to you! Just let her know that if she ever musters up the strength to leave him... you will be happy to help do whatever it takes to get her out of this horrible situation!
2007-09-09 02:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by Songsdeli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing is to tell her she needs to get on birth control! I'm sure she's seen how her children are doing without,why does she chose to continue bringing them in the world.And not having a man around which will help them become better people.
This is a mature woman ,who continues to have "goo-goo" eyes for someone.She is choosing her lifestyle.
Most of this really has nothing to do with him.She can make better choices that don't have long lasting bad effects on her and her children!
She could leave him,try to find a babysitter.Go to school and educate herself so SHE can provide for her family.
The true story of Donald Thornton in the movie "The ditchdigger's daughters.They were poor.His daughters,he had six,2 were doctors,a lawyer,a dentist, a court clerk.
She has to want a better life for herself and her children.
You are a good friend to her, but she's deciding each day what she wants! And seems you are deciding through seeing how her life is going.That you do want these choices for yourself!
2007-09-09 02:58:09 · answer #2 · answered by need2know 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman who was in an abusive marriage I can honestly say its much better that he is "refusing" to marry her! Even with kids its easier to walk away when she finally "sees the light" if they are just living together. She won't have the guilty feeling of her marriage failing on top of staying with an abusive jerk for way too many years!
There is absolutely nothing you can do or say that will change her mind about this guy or their relationship! Trust me I went through it once and now I have a friend I'm watching go through the exact same thing...she actually had her son as a way of keeping this guy tied to her forever! If you can not stand to see what is happening to her and her children than you need to take a step back from your relationship with her. Tell her you love her and her kids but will only see them if she comes to your house with the kids and not him. You will not go to her house and you will not allow him in yours. Don't take all of her phone calls and return only the ones you want to. Make excuses that you have other plans etc. Only babysit for her when she is actually doing something to better herself or situation. BUT be prepared to help her and stand by her when she finally realizes that this guy is no good or when he finally leaves for her good.
Good luck to her and you its a very tough spot to see our friends go through!
2007-09-09 03:46:19 · answer #3 · answered by girlzmommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can't give people smarts. Shes obviously not going to see any light at all, it would be way too painful. You don't have to say anything supportive, you don't have to say anything at all other than "Oh my isn't that interesting".
Or that good old stand by "Really?"
I think on some level she knows, as we all do, but admitting it would make her face a reality she isn't ready for. Be there for her when lover boy makes his exit. They rarely stick around when three AM feedings call twice. The money worries with three kids will cool his ardor if he has any.
You do have to give him some credit though, he is still there.
2007-09-09 02:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She got with him, had a baby, and now is having ANOTHER baby with that jerk.
She's made her bed and now she has to lie in it. There really isnt anything to say to her besides "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She is in high school popping out babies left and right for a guy who doesnt want to marry her?! Im sorry, but your friend is a d-i-p-s-h-i-t!
But one of my friends had some guys' baby right after high school and he WAS and STILL IS a jerk to her. Even after theyve been together for 7 years. Shes been through so much crap because of him.. and her daughter is constantly subjected to cruelty like him screaming in her ear if she does something wrong. I hate even going over there because of him. And now she's pregnant again. So she's also made her bed.. and now she has to lie in it. Hell, I cant even go over there to party with them without her boyfriend busting in the bathroom with his d*** in his hand trying to get me to do something with him. And I tell my friend all about what he does and she just turns the other cheek and ignores it. But she KNOWS Id never ever ever do anything with him so maybe thats why she isnt so worried when he does that to me.
The rundown is.. people make stupid choices in their lives without even thinking about the long-term aspects of it all. Your friend is just going to have to deal with the life she's made for herself. She has 2 kids now and she's going to have to take care of them
2007-09-09 02:48:36 · answer #5 · answered by Starlight*Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she knows that he cheated on her and she knows how she is being treated my thoughts are telling me, so really all your going to be doing is wasting your breath i think just be there when she does decide that she has had Enif of him.
you can not help a person that does not have a problem even if they have the problem if they don't see it then again nothing that you can do for her
2007-09-09 02:45:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your UN married friend to get her head out of his cheating boyfriends but . until you hear a loud pooping sound(her head coming out of his but) say you don't want anything to do with her.suppose shes falling into a downward spiral chances are shes going to take you with her.some times you have to be cruel to be kind.
2007-09-09 02:57:14 · answer #7 · answered by lady_slipper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
often times being "replaced" is great, yet no longer continually. If she maintains to alter you with somebody else, which you ought to to reassess the standard of your friendship. that's ok to pass on and be ultimate friends with somebody else!
2016-10-10 06:09:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is being abused and she must think she deserved it you could try and talk to her but i am not sure she would really understand. sometimes people tend to n ot listen no matter how right you are. if she won't listen i am not sure what you can do. try and talk to her honestly and if she doen'st respond i would simply give up on her. sorry
2007-09-12 15:21:28 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have her call 1-800- Dr-Laura !
2007-09-09 03:13:36 · answer #10 · answered by Momto8gr8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋