I have been divorced 5 years. We have 4 kids together. Two are under 18. I have physical custody of the 2 at home yet. Two years ago, the 16 year old (then 14) decided to move in with her father. At her father's house there was no rules. No curfew. All the money she could ask for. But no love and no compassion. I did not want to to leave, but I had no choice. She was old enough in the courts eyes to make her own mind up which parent she was to live with. She lived with him for two years. The ex did not enforce my visitation. Instead he allowed her to run. I tried hard to get her to move in with me. She refused, telling me she knew I loved her unconditionally, but if she were to move out her dad would hate her. (my ex is a very verbally abusive, manipilative, hateful man.) For two years it broke my heart to see what was happening to my daughter. She told me she hated her living envirnment. That she stayed in her room instead of interacting with her dad's new family.
2007-09-09 01:58:08 · 13 answers · asked by tammie h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Her father has a live-in gf, who has 2 young kids, and they have a baby togather. Anyway, she told me she hated it there. I again tried to get her to move in with me. I have since had my bf move in with me. He is a wonderful man. He loves my kids. My kids love him. Still she refused to move in with me. What 16 yr old would want to--having the freedom she has at her dads.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago, hell broke out at her dads. He decided after 2 years that she needed rules. After she received a late night phone call from her bf her dad exploded. He called her names I wouldn't call my worst enemy(cu@#,bit#$ you get the idea). My daughter was devestated. She moved in with me the next day. We have a small 2 bdrm apt, so she is sharing a room with her 12 yr old sister. We are in the process of finding a larger home. We live in a twin city, each city in another state. MY daughter is a junior, and I didn't want to remove her from the HS she is in, so I made arrangements for her to
2007-09-09 02:07:22 · update #1
go to the school she attended last year. Since her father lives in that town, the school told me it would be ok for her to attend the school even tho it is across state lines. My ex is fighting this, for no other reason other then to hurt my daughter, saying she chose to move from his home, so she gave up the right to go to the school.
Anyway, 2 nights ago, my daughter called me into her room. She told me she wants to begin counciling. She informed me she has been playing Russian Roulette for the last year by taking as many tylonal/ibuproffrin-any pill she can find, seeing how many she can take and still wake up. She said not a week goes by that she doesnt consider suicide at least 2x. She also informed me a few months ago she was 'cutting'--she gave me her dried up bloody rag. She has not 'cut' in a few months now, and she has not taken any pills since she has been in my home. We talked about going into the ER that night, but she assured me she could wait a couple days to a
2007-09-09 02:16:49 · update #2
psychologist. I have removed all pills from my home, and she is never alone. She is so very willing to go to the DR, She has a 9 am appointment Mon morning.
My question is, do I share with her father what is going on. as stated, he is not a nice guy. He believes things like this are just an act. a call for attention. (which obviously yes, she is calling for attention, and I am sooo happy she is asking for it, and has come foreward to me with what is going on, I am proud of her for her courage.) We have joint legal custody, and I still have legal physical custody. Her father has not paid child support, insurance or anything in a very long time (even when I had all the kids with me). I personally feel it would be detrimental to my daughter for her dad to know at this time, his words can hurt so very bad. But morally, legally, what should I do? I am planning to talk to him AFTER she meets with the DR. Am I wrong in waiting? I am sorry this has been so lengthy. Any help ?
2007-09-09 02:23:48 · update #3
Good on you mum. You've obviously tried hard to keep your relationship with your daughter together. She is lucky to have you. You are right she is crying out for help. No mystery everybody needs to be aware of the depth of the problem. I'm glad she's keen to see a psych. Her rejection and confusion runs deep. The main thing is to keep your relationship open honest and caring but you know that. your love for her is keeping it together. She obviously felt an outsider in her own home(with her father) Dont make promises with her that you cant keep. I know your love is unconditional and so does she. Trusted you enough to tell you! Be aware of any strange behaviour, giving possessions away, becoming happy overnight. She is cutting to feel pain as a release. Find out all you can yourself to understand suicide. She wanted/wants the pain and anguish to stop and may even wonder what's wrong with her. Children believe the boundries we create for them are from love, at an unconcious level. Good Luck she's worth everything it takes.
2007-09-09 03:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by Rick L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 16, if she doesnt want to go then theres really nothing neither can do about it. He can threaten all he wants to and even take you back to court over this (this is when you bring up all his threats and everything that goes on when she is there to the Judge). Nothing will happen to your child support as not even the Judge can make her go if she doesnt want to, especially if she has just reason for not doing so. Also the police cant do anything about this as this is beyond their capabilities unless something illegal is involved. The legalsystem is on your side here but keep a detailed record of any contact you have with dad and any witnesses will help if this does end up in court. Good luck
2016-05-20 03:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As horrible as you make your ex sound it doesn't matter for the answer to this question. You need to tell him. This is his child. He has joint legal custody of her. She's chosen to live with him before and could go back again especially if she's in a highly emotional state. You need him to at least know what's going on in her life when it's something this important.
Now, I don't believe you're wrong in waiting until you know something for sure after her psychiatric appointment. I'd recommend waiting until after that. Then he at least needs to be informed of what the doctor recommends whether it's counseling or medications or a combination.
2007-09-09 10:28:43 · answer #3 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see that you added the missing information, so I will change my answer.
Your daughter is in pain, and you need to have counseling for her. Consistent love and nurturing that she hasn't had is what you need to provide as well as good mental health counseling.
As far as telling her father, you have to consider what would happen if she actually died. You have a responsibility to inform him of medical issues, so when you have a bit more information, sure give him a call. Like after she sees a counselor.
Otherwise, what exactly is the purpose of telling someone who didn't care enough about her in the first place to parent her while he had the chance?
2007-09-09 02:07:32 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With out getting too deep into what you wrote, yes you have an obligation to tell him, if not legally then at least morally! But I think it would be OK to wait until after you speak with the doctor and see what he/she says about it.
I feel for your daughter, you and your ex.
2007-09-09 02:17:09 · answer #5 · answered by bender_xr217 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always be the bigger person and share information ... even if it's not shared back.
Your daughter is learning and living in a how not to be atmosphere ... take your information with a grain of salt ... but always error on the side of caution.
If he is as manipulative as you think ... it may have rubbed off.
2007-09-09 02:09:07 · answer #6 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No! Yes because he is her father but also no because you know how hes gonna reacted.
I was like that when I found out how my father really cared about me. Wasn't good either. She kinda fells that her father wants her dead. That's why I cut my wrist and did everything I could because I thought it was my fault. I'm gonna be 16 here in November and I'm in 10th grade and I was starting cutting myself when I was in 6Th grade because of him.
No i don't think you should tell him because I think you can take care of it yourself.
2007-09-09 03:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by savanna o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should immediately talk to the psychiatrist/psychologist about this. I would not venture to give you any more information on a situation involving a minor and suicidal behavior.
2007-09-09 02:33:26 · answer #8 · answered by Tonya R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what he is the father and he has a right to know however with saying that he might not believe you but I would still tell him for her safety.
2007-09-09 02:08:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your daughter is suicidal, get her help NOW... take her to the doctor, and he will give you a referral, or do whatever it is that is needed.
people who are suicidal feel that their problems are far bigger than their ability to cope. they feel hopeless, and as if everyone around them would be better off if they were gone.
your daughter needs good help.
her father doesn't need to be considered or even brought into the equasion -- let the daughter tell him if she wants..
for now, you are her guardian, and responsible for her well-being.
take her to a doctor.
2007-09-09 02:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋