Should I keep my maiden name when I marry? My fiance is not keen on this but I want to. What can I do?

Answer 1

**control freak warning**

if you want to keep your name, your fiance should not have a problem with it!

Answer 2

Traditionally, a woman changes her name when she marries but these days many women keep their maiden names. It's a very personal choice whether you keep yours or not and only you can decide what to do. It is important in this situation that you hear and take note of your fiance's opinion so he feels he is heard but ultimately it is your decision. Do you have a special reason for keeping your maiden name? Is there a reason you don't want to change your name? You can opt to hiphenate yours and your fiance's name only if it sounds ok. But if you have no reason for wanting to keep your name and no reason against changing it, then why not just change it for the sake of tradition? You will make your husband-to-be happy too!

Answer 3

You do nothing. Simply keep signing your name as "Ms. Lydia Singleton. Of course while you continue use the NAME Lydia Singletom, there is nothing to prevent you from also using your title, Mrs. Guy Groomfellow. Where there might be confusion, use the form you prefer for the circumstances (such as Ms. Singleton for business matters & Mrs. Groomfellow for social correspondence) and parenthetically follow it with the alternative. When the names are used jointly, as in envelopes or invitations, you may use either the "Mr & Mrs" construction or you may write each name on a seperate line:
Ms. Lydia Singleton
Mr. Guy Groomfellow
Under no circumstanfces are you "Mrs Lydia Groomfellow", but don't try to tell your mom or MIL this nit picking point of protocol. If your husband is that keen on you and he sharing a common name, it is no more troublesome or expensive for the man to make this change than it is for the woman. "Mr. Guy Singleton" has rather a nice sound, don't you think?

You two need to start thinking about your children's last names. Please don't burden them with hyphens; people in the USA just aren't familiar or comfortable with it. Among my hillbilly forebears, children were often given middle or even first names that were family names. Thus did old fashioned mountain girls get names like "Boo" as short for "Mary Hendry Buford Frazier." I'd be interested in hearing how other people deal with creating children's names that honor both branches of the family.

Congrats and best wishes, &PS: please don't get all sensitive when people don't get your name exactly as you hope. Just keep smiling and gently correcting, as this will go on the rest of your life.

Answer 4

It is your choice on whether or not you want to keep your maiden name. I know that if I ever get married, I am adamant about keeping my maiden name-I would NEVER consider changing it. I just don't want to. Yes, I know the arguments about "forming a family" but I have no intention on having any kids.

Hyphenated names are actually common around where I live, so if you have kids, you can give them the hyphenated names. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to keep your maiden name.

Answer 5

My sister kept her name and said it was for professional reasons (most of her job contacts knew her by her maiden name and she has had published articles under it). If you don't have a job like that, another reason would be that you feel like it is your identity with your family and friends. I personally am looking forward to changing my name because it feels like a fresh start. It is all ver personal to you.

P.S. Ironically, I have the opposite problem. My fiance wants me to keep my name or do a hyphenated name because he likes it. I don't like the sound of the hyphenated names if they are long- don't think you should do that if both names have more than one syllable.

Answer 6

My mother kept her maiden name and give me my father's last name. Or, if he really doesn't like you having your maden name alone, have it hyphenated. For example, John Smith and Mary Johnson can have Mary's name become Mary Johnson-Smith. A little long, but do-able. For me, I am going to make sure I keep my maiden name, even after all the teasing I got in grade school, it is a really good conversation piece and pride from the Nigerian part of my family.

Answer 7

I would talk to him about why this is important to you AND listen to his reasons why it's important to him for you two to share the same last name. I said that I would keep my maiden name professionally and use my married name everywhere else--even though I might change my mind on that and just use his name--and my boyfriend was okay with this. The name wasn't really important to him but if it is you can likely find a compromise.

Answer 8

It is your right to keep your maiden name, but isn't the point of a wedding to become one new family with your husband? A family has a family name, not all different names. And, what about if you have children...others will always be referring to you as Mrs. TheKidsLastNames...you'd be constantly correcting them. I think taking one last name together as your new family's name is a sign of both honoring your new husband, but more importantly, of honoring the commitment of marriage you've made to join him.

My fiance said he didn't care one way or the other if I chose his name, but personally, I'd never think of not taking his name because IMO, that's an essential part of forming a new family together.

Answer 9

If you want to keep your own last name, do it. I don't plan on changing my last name when I get married, and my bf knows this. Why doesn't your bf change his last name? Ask him this and see if you can start a conversation to get him to realize why it's important for you to keep your last name. I don't like hyphenated last names so I wouldn't do that, but my last name is who I am. It would feel weird having a different last name.

My brother and his fiance decided they wanted to have the same last name and my brother hates hyphenated last names as well. He said he didn't care whose name they kept, but he wanted one of them to change their name. His fiance finally decided to change hers, but my brother was totally willing to take her last name. (It made more sense in the long run because my brother has a reputation in his career field so changing his last name would put him back a bit.)

Either way, it's YOUR name and your decision. I don't believe you should have to change it just because you're getting married. It's a tradition that stems from your father "giving" you to your husband and now being owned by the husband. If it bothers you, don't do it.

Answer 10

I have been married twice. First time I took his name. Second time I kept mine cuz my hubbys last name was hard to pronounce and my first name is very unusual. I am a bit of a woman's libber but thinking about marrying my now-boyfriend of 3 years, I would absolutely take his name. I think it's a bonding experience and shows unity...and I don't think it indicates he's a control freak at all, he just feels strongly that his wife should take his name. Perhaps it was something he's always looked forward to, like say, a wedding and wife.

Answer 11

If you two are at all planning on having children, have one family name, so that means you changing your surname to your husband's.
You need to examine why you would want to keep your maiden name. It's not anti-feminist to take the husband's surname, you don't 'lose' your identity, it doesn't mean you 'belong' to him - those arguments don't hold water.
I had two degrees and a great career going when I married. I considered keeping my maiden name for lots of reasons. Yet my HTB and I talked it through, and he even offered to take my surname - just so there was one, cohesive family name. And no hyphenating, because that just gets crazy with children.
A great option a lot of women are doing these days is to keep their maiden name as their middle name, and taking the husband's surname as their own.