How to help my husband with our daughter?

Question

I'll be returning to work as of 9/17 on a part time basis. I've been a full time stay at home mommy for the last year. Our daughter is only 1 year old. My husband works a day time job and then his "hobby" as a part time job in the evenings... here's my problem. I'll be working 3 evenings a week from about 5-9pm. He's usually on the medic/fire dept the same 3 nights. He can shift things around a little because he's an officer.BUT he wants to get his mom or sister to come over in the evenings when he has our daughter to keep an eye on her because he states he cant get things done with her needing to be watched (DUH she's a toddler) He's a GREAT Dad! An AMAZING husband, but he's not sure how to care for her "on his own" as he put it. Anything I can do to help ease his anxiety and not get mad at him at the same time? I'm on my own and expected to get things done with just me and her, so why cant he for the 5-6hrs I'm gone? AND, my sister would be keeping her on the nights he's at station

He stated he doesnt know what to feed her, or how to entertain her without me being around. On one hand it's kinda funny but on the other it's irritating. I'm really excited about going back to work (I'm a nurse and returning to ped's where I was while pregnant till I had her) he said he was ok if I wanted to go back to work. I'm not going back for the money (yes it will help) but I'm going back because I have a gift to serve God in this way...so how can I help Daddy-O to step it up and not have back-up plans to help with his own child for a few hours? Thanks in advance!

Ok first off MulgaBob...you're waaaaaay off base!! I would NEVER belittle my husband.
2nd, he's able & capable of doing great with our daughter! He's just wanting to do "other things" like, work on wood projects in the garage. AND my in-laws are AMAZING!!! I have no problem with them at all, just dont want them to feel obligated to help out, THEY ARE AMAZING, and we're together at least once every weekend, but they have jobs too during the day.
We've prayed about this, and he says he just didnt realize how much somethings would need to change.
SORRY IF IT EVER SOUNDED LIKE I WAS COMING DOWN ON HIM, I'm not we totally had this conversation tonight. And he reads all these Q&A's anyway =)

Answer 1

my daughter is 15 months old and I totally relate to this!! My H is a great daddy but very uncomfortable on his own and as for feeding her-forget it!
He is getting better but honestly the best thing I've found is to leave for short periods and get them comfortable with each other. Then longer and longer, etc. It sounds simple but it builds confidence and they start finding their own rhythm.

Answer 2

I hear what you're saying. He should be able to watch her by himself for a few hours, but he doesn't feel comfortable. You should have started leaving her with him about a month ago. So they could start to get comfortable with each other. Anyways, if he wants his mom or sister to come and help, let him. He'll learn, but it will take a little time. Talk to his mom, tell her to show him what to do. Not just take over. Which she probably will, but that's okay. On the nights you don't work, go out for an hour and leave her with him.

Answer 3

What's the matter with him having his mother or sister over - as you say it's only for 5-6 hours.

Instead you want to criticize & belittle him for that? You seem very selfish to me.

OK so you are so organized ! You can care for your toddler by yourself! Whacky-doo! Mothers generally are better at that task than fathers - so it is not surprising that hubby wants to have a bit of a hand, & company of a family member, while you are out at your part-time work.

I can't believe you'd even find reason to carry on like this over such a request by your hubby.

Answer 4

I think God wants us to take care of our own home first...before we step out of that responsibility and take on the world.....but if this is something you have to do.....do whatever is necessary to make sure your daughter is taken care of..... he might not be ready....maybe... has to do with the fact that a lot of men aren't mentally ready to take on a baby that way...that's the difference between a father and a mother....so I wouldn't be too hard on him.....the next best thing is family...better than a nursery or neighbor who doesn't have the same love as a sister

Answer 5

You are going to have a hard time at this point to train him to do this. What was hubby doing for the past 12 months?. Why wasn't he actively involved with her from the beginning? How do you now try to teach an old dog a new trick. Let his mother and sister do their part until he catches up

Answer 6

do not push this,your husband may not have the patience to deal with such a young child alone.there is nothing wrong with his mom or sister coming over to help out.as long as he is there it will give him the chance to learn how to handle things but he has help nearby.just do not make an issue of this,your husband knows how he feels and what is best also.good luck.

Answer 7

If he feels better with his mother or sister helping him out, that doesn't seem like a problem. Besides, my guess is he'll get sick of having them around and figure out how to manage on his own...

Answer 8

Parenting class for dads. it is common. leave a list of things for him to do. did he babysit while you were home. let him babysit for at least 20 min. then bump it up to a half hour, then 45 min. then so on and so on. also, books and just plain talking. maybe you can be in the house but not in the same room and let them interact without you in the room interfering. he needs to build a relationship with his daughter so that he will feel confidence. he does not feel that way now because you have been doing everything. but you want him to because you want him to be able to step it up. and prayer. i dont know if you want to start his family coming into your home becasue sometimes inlaws can be too controlling and that is your house. think about it.

Answer 9

Tell him since he doesn't know how to care for his own kid and complains about having to watch her, there's no use for you to keep him around.

Answer 10

have him observe you and then participate in doing things together. such as you watch him and guide him. that's an idea.