Well, we have been together since I was 16, I am now 20. We have two daughters, he has a real alcohol problem, when he drinks he acts like an real jerk, he talks sh*t, sometimes acts violent, basically I hate him when he drinks and he hates me when he drinks. I have left him a couple of times because I am just tired of the drinking, when I am gone he tells me that he is gonna change, he goes to church, says that he doesn't drink when I am gone. Now I am once again gone away due to the drinking, but of course again he is a changed man, but I cannot believe him at all, I've took his word before and it never is true, then when I do talk to him he just tells me you have to take the good with the bad and that I need to be a women and stop running from my problems, but I have done everything for this man, he has two other children that he has custody of, I take care of them of them for the past two years. I am really confused on the right way to go about doing this, he don't want to change!
2007-09-08 15:22:22 · 15 answers · asked by Boo Boo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is pattern behavior. He is pacifing you until he gets you back where he wants you...home w/ him. You are so young if you have a place to start over then do it. Let him go on and do what he wants. He is going to whether your there or not. I just answered another question similar to this and I'll say it again, alcoholism is a progessive disease, it only gets worse w/ time if the person does'nt wake up and stop. Eventually it will become more physical when he gets drunk, sounds like it may already be that way. But more importantly, your children shouldn't grow up in this envirorment. It will damage them more then you can believe. I grew up in a alcoholic family and I drank. I have stopped and have'nt had a drink in almost 9 years. A person will only change if he or she really wants a better life and most of the time they don't believe it will be better without the substance, so it is hard for someone to make that huge decision. They say peolple need to hit rock bottom, but you can also create rock bottom and leave w/ your children and have peace in your life. If you continue to go back you are only teaching your children it is ok to enable someone. Take it from someone who knows that is NO way to live.
2007-09-15 14:36:42 · answer #1 · answered by mindi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U have given this man ample amount of chances to change. He constantly lied to u over and over. He's never gonna change and I'm sorry u had to go thru this. I too had a child by a guy and he cheated on me on the two chances I gave him b/c I thought he changed. A lesson u don't need to be going thru this u have kids and the kids don't need to be in a alcoholic environment especially with him being violent. I know u love him but face it he's not going to change and I learned that the hard way myself. I left my baby father and now I am more happier than ever. I felt like I was in prison when I was with him. Only taking care of our son while he goes and do whatever and sometime never come home. I wish u luck.
2007-09-08 22:37:32 · answer #2 · answered by slow_winded 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot make a person change and with his addictive behavior that will be hard. How many times do it take before you realize his promises are not possible, regardless of how honest he is and wants to change.
You need to go to Alanon to learn about dealing with an alcoholic (over drinker). Do you want this man to continue to set the role model for your children? You cannot be the guardian and protector of his other children to the detrement of your own.
He needs to get into a treatment program for alcoholics, counseling and AA, stayed in the program for at least one year, and realize it is a lifetime stuggle.
Put the welfare of your children first and think smart
2007-09-08 22:42:47 · answer #3 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He Will NEVER change for you. he is NOT the right man for you! You need to get out of this relationship and somehow gain custody of your two children. He is an unfit husband and you are enduring abuse...you are a battered wife.
Ask God for strength. Tell someone in church what is going on other than us...you need serious help!
2007-09-08 22:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by ~~~Tara~~~ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres a situation like that going on with my brother in law and his girlfriend... and its very sad to hear that because all woman want to get married and have a nice home with a good man but sometimes this doesnt happen ... what i think u should do is leave him for a good while not like a month or two let it be a year or even more... you and ur children are not going to eat off of love anf yeah u might love him but thats not enought to stay .. u need to get ur thoughts clear and truly see whats best for ur kids.... U DOTN WANT TO RAISE UR KIDS WITH A CITUATION LIKE THIS .... remember that no matter what u do ... feel good about it.. u can also get help.. if u dont want to loose ur marriage.. go to counseling... love and respect ur self.... and by u knowing there is a problem with ur man u already took a big step.. good luck and u are very young dont give up on life yet
2007-09-08 22:34:48 · answer #5 · answered by .·.¹³ LaSh3s¹³.·. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholism is a terrible thing. He will forever be an alcoholic and it doesnt look like he's committed to staying sober. For the safety of yourself and the children, get away from him and get help. You cannot change a person no matter how hard you try.
2007-09-08 23:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by ne_gal81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without professional help he will not change, so chances are he won't change.
You are responsible for children. They should be your priority. He is an adult. Until he has proved himself for a prolonged time of being sober do NOT return. There are other men who would treat you like a queen.
You got involved with sex too early in your life. If you are addicted to sex....get UN ADDICTED QUICKLY!!! Do you want a life of misery for you and your children? If you do keep staying. If you don't it is time to make a change. Stand up on your own two feet, pick yourself up and move on confidently. Do NOT allow the two stepchildren to return to him. Get social services involved if you have to..almost anything would be better then his care.
2007-09-08 22:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by ruthie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he needs AA meetings and to stay in them in order for you to come back. If he drops them then drop him. He is abusive when he is on alcohol and no one deserves that. You do not have to take the good with the bad when it comes to abuse and alcohol. Your children will be better off without seeing his alcoholic tirades. You will love him for a long time to come but it is better to love and be safe than to go back and loose everything. Stick to your guns on this one. He needs help and has to want it before it will work.
2007-09-08 22:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run and buy Codependents Guide to the Twelve Steps and work it until it hurts.
Your children are your reason for taking care of yourself, finding boundaries and territories, self esteem, respect and worth.
Your responsibility is not to change anyone but yourself. Start by having self control and discipline to realize you do not need to settle for anyone who does not want to admit to a drinking problem.
2007-09-08 22:34:05 · answer #9 · answered by gracefull 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O my, Ms. take this from a childs point of view whos parents somewhat have been through this patch. GET OUT! "Never fall so in love you forget who you are and what all you stand for" the greatest quote I ever heard plz take heed to it. Do you love him more than you love yourself and those kids? Are you ready to keep back tracking for someone who isn't ready to save hisself? Really think about those questions. If you stay in it for the kids I promise you it will hurt them even more than you guys leaving. My mom stayed in a marriage with my brothers dad because she didn't want the kids to not grow up with a father figure in their life but in actuallity she was hurting all of us. Seeing them fight all the time, seeing how emotinally drained she was over all his bull crap it was just terrible. Plz don't make the same mistake. Make him show you your not in love by yourself! If he really loves you he will start walking instead of all of the talking. Once he can show proof of his drinking addiciton being over than hey maybe ya can talk about counciling but don't stay in the relationship for not only the kids sake but for yours to. Plz Ms. it doesn't help at all. And you can do bad all by yourself, he's stuntin your growth as a person so its time for him to get the pushing. Stand firm in what you believe is right.
2007-09-08 22:37:00 · answer #10 · answered by classymst08 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋