mother and daughters relationships?

Question

ok so when i was in elementary school i asked questions about periods and bras to mom but as i got older when i talked about it with my mom she would act all nervous and not want to talk about it so i stopped.
Im 17 and had my period since i was 12 and 1/2 and i never told her. I bought all my bras with out her knowing but she now knows i wear them because she said i should get one last year. I picked my bras out by myself since i was 11.
I started wearing make up w/o asking my mom if i could but i knew if i asked she would say ok.
I bought my own deoderent w/o her knowledge.
I think i would of been closer to her but i feel she pushed me away... does it sound like i have a bad realtionship with my mom?
I did so much w/o her that i feel we will never be close.
I also wanted to be close to her but she pushed me away and know when she tries to hang out with me and talk i feel uncomfterble that i just cant talk to her, that i leave
Shes also diabled so ihad to learn thing w/o her

Answer 1

Well I don't know if you have a bad relationship with your mom but I think that you don't have a close relationship with her.

And it is sooo difficult and frustrating to have to figure out and deal with some girl stuff by yourself..my mom died and I am going through it now..

Maybe your mom just felt so awkward talking about some things and didn't know how to deal with it and that made it worse. She was an adult and it was not right and I'm not saying different but that is history now.

Right now it may be a good idea to often talk with her about whatever you feel comfy with. If you feel some things are a little personal to share right now than that is ok. Try to talk about things that interest you or her or both of you. About stuff that amuses you. About what is going on in the world today. But talking is always a good thing even though it can be awkward or difficult. And conversation is more easy with time.

And if she can go places and do some things with you than can be very good and it doesn't have to be a big deal. Anything that you like for a little while. Maybe you want to get Netflix and pick some movies together to watch some times.

Than see where things go from there for building a relationship with your mom that you are happy with. Just remember that the small things really are important and that taking steps in the right direction is always good even if they are slow.

Best wishes and I hope it works out all for the best :)

Answer 2

my mother's problem was she didn't want her youngest to grow up and had weird ways of trying to keep the baby, a baby. But then as I read on I see that you say she is disabled and you had to learn to do things with out her. That may be the answer to your question, she got uncomfortable because she would not have been able to show you how to do/use something. She knows you've had your period for 5 years, and you've been wearing a bra etc. Give her a chance, talk about your day at school talk about the things you are doing. Ask her about her hobbies, what ever she does when everyone is off to work or school. Don't isolate her now. Eventually the uncomfortable feeling will go away. It sounds like she is trying to start building that adult relationship with you.

Answer 3

Wow I would say your relationship is a little bad off but I don't think its the kind of bad of that can't be fixed. I understand where your mother is coming from. Because she is disabled she probably just limited herself maybe ashamed or not sure of herself, so don't think it had nothing to do with you personally. You should really try telling her how you feel and letting her know you love her and you want ya relationship to change for the better before its to late because lets face it your grown in a bit right. Then comes college and then our lives we really start making a lot of our own decisions and exploring new things. Who's to say you want move away or what not. So let her know its best that we get past this point in our relationship so we can have a greater bond because tomorrow is not promise to know one. Lets not have regrets.

*I'm 17 as well I could imagine that been hard on you having to do those things on your own but remember although it may have hurt inside some nights it probably built your character and made you a stronger person. So remember everything happends for a reason and its your decision if your going to let it break you or not. *Let mom know that to. Hope all works out.

Answer 4

Sometimes it's only a blink of an eye when we just had you, now you are almost all grown up and every time I turn around you are getting taller and wiser, please understand that only until you have children will you understand. No you may not even know until you have a 17 yr old. It's hard being an adult let alone an adult with a disability. Try to make a relationship with her, tell her in your joking little way of the things you have done, and let her see how mature and responsible you are. I know I'm proud of you and I don't even know you. But if you are ever in need of someone to talk to, or vent, or ask a question I promise to be there for you. Good Luck with Life.

Answer 5

I think just because she wasn't there when you got your bras and put on makeup and had your period that you two don't have a good relationship. Those things are private and some girls don't even talk to their parents about it. I think she kind of thinks that you feel she has to be involved in your life and she's kind of iffy about whether she's intruding too much in your personal issues or something. just let her know it's okay and that you want her there for that type of stuff. since she's disabled then maybe it's just weird for her to relive all that stuff, maybe her mom didn't help her out with it. basically it's hard but when she tries to make an effort to be close with you, try to make an effort back, even if it is uncomfortable and try to stay away from 'those' topics. arrange a day with your mom and you or a family trip or even a day with your friends moms and you and yours.

really appreciate her on mother's day too and her birthday
a good way to bond sometimes is to talk about frined problems at school or boy problems or gossip

Answer 6

Oh sweetheart, as a daughter and mother, I feel for you. I am so sorry you've had to stuggle through. It sounds as though you feel almost abandoned. But I also sense that you are yearning for a close relationship with your mom.

Please don't feel like you will never have a close relationship with your Mom, it's never over until you or she leave this world. I know many people who create relationships with their parents later in life. Don't give up.

Why not talk with her, don't accuse or criticize, just tell her you'd like to be closer with her. It sounds like your Mom has a tough time talking. Perhaps her disability is the cause.

I do wish you the best with your relationship, you sound like a wonderful person, your Mom had to have an impact in making a strong, intelligent young lady.

Answer 7

lol, tears came to eyes as i read your question. i get the feeling you and your mom want the same thing, but don't know how to get there. you know, sometimes moms have fears of being rejected too, and maybe when you thought she was pushing you away it was something else. you need your mom and she need you. you only get one mom in life and thats all and she will be there to stand up for you when the whole world has walked out. would you maybe consider making a copy of your question and this answer and taking it to her and asking her what she thinks? I'll venture a bet that it'll begin to open things up for you both and start things on the path where they begin. Good Luck!

Answer 8

NO but the only reason why she was nervous was not bc she did not want to talk to you about it. She just did not know really how to go about it yet. GIVE her anthor chance and if she seems nervous just dont fret about it and do not let that scare you off in asking her questions OK it is not your fault. Your relationship is not ruined. I am sure your mom knows you bought all that stuff she just felt or new you wanted your space so she gave it to ya. Just give her anthor chance and include her. ASK HER questions if you feel comfortable enough to but just do not let her nervousness scare you off next time OK hun. ALL PARENTS ARE NERVOUS when their children ask about purberty and sex. That is just a normal reaction but parents get over it. OK HUN.
HOPE THIS HELPS

Answer 9

No, Not at all. It depends how people are raised. Some people have trouble with these sensitive subjects. I'm sorry you had to go through those tender moments all blone but I think you should just talk to her and tell her how to feel. You are an incredibly strong woman. Love your mother and thank God you have one. Did you know some people grew up without a mother? Talk to her and Love her!

Answer 10

well u see u need to think about how ur mom feels too .... think about it ... moms are more close minded our generation is more out going wild and way more open minded .... i dont think that u guys have a bad relationship.... i think most of us been in ur situation ..... i have never talked to my mom about anything.... absolutely anything... one time i seen my parents having sex i was only 11 and when i asked her about it she got all red and changed the subject... i dont think its too late for u and ur mom to hang out more.... try to do something u both like to do .... go shopping... be open with her... treat her like a friend ....enjoy ur mom as much as u can now because u never know when she wont be around any more...