Does it bother feminists that some women want....?

Question

to be submissive to thier boyfriends/husbands?
Want to be housewives
want men to take the lead and be head of the household
How do feminists view other women who don't agree that men taking the lead is wrong?

KJ: That's the point I'm making though, some woman do want to allow thier husband to have final say or control over the relationship, finaces, ect. That is what is ment by the husband being head of the household---it doesn't mean he doesn't treat his wife well and it doesn't mean her views are not heard....it's like he's manager and she's assistant manager. It's the natural way.

Shivers: It's natural because that is the way humans were created men are natural leaders and women natural followers---yes some men are followers and some women leaders but on the whole men are the born leaders.

KJ: Actually following an order of power deference is very natural---do you not defer to police officers? Your boss ect?

littleviv: You see submission as an ugly thing when in fact everyone does it everyday and within an intimate relationship it is a beautiful thing---without submission there would be anarcy. We all submit everyday to the law,teachers, employers, ect.

KJ: You bristle too quick I said "Shivers" because I was replying to Shivers. lol I'll answer you more in detail in a moment.

KJ: For one thing because women tend to react more emotionally than men and therefore men normally make better decisions. I'll go more in depth tomorrow for right now is sleep time. :0)

Answer 1

I couldn't understand it, and it bothered me when I saw women being submissive but that was because they were not being treated respectfully by their husband or partner.

I realize now that some women like that way of life, and it's not up to me to judge their choices, I just hope that they are being treated well, since some people equate submission with subjugation. I know some women dominate their partners, and as long as both partners are respectful of each other, again, that is their choice.

As far as "housewives" go, since the majority of people have children, it would be extremely short-sighted to devalue people who take care of children, since nearly all people are going to need to do it. I disliked the pressure that was placed on me to become a wife and mother, but that was a very long time ago.

Answer 2

No. I am a feminist and don't believe that a woman who chooses to be submissive is a bad thing. Most people don't even know the true definition of a feminist. But to be short and simple a feminist is someone who fights for human rights of all women and men and children. The focus is awareness of women and valuing them. So this has nothing to do with whether a woman wants to support and submit to their husband.

It becomes a problem. When a woman is forced into submission. Thus turning the choice into abuse. Everyone has a choice how they should live. I think women should have the choice to live anyway they please.

Take care

Answer 3

Well, there are multiple definitions of feminism. Every feminist has a different outlook on what it is and how they fit into that outlook. So, for example, there are many feminists that see the girls on girls gone wild as feminists because they are taking their bodies and finally accepting them rather than viewing their bodies as a stigma or inferior to a man's. As you can imagine their are many feminists that disagree with that concept saying that these girls are being taken advantage of by a male controlled sexually driven business. So in answer to your question, yes many feminists would say that a woman being submissive is contradictory to being a feminist. On the other hand, many would argue that feminism is confined to the public sphere of say politics or business. So to them what goes on in a relationship or in a private affair is not something that labels can be applied to. Each individual relationship should be dealt with individually and if the woman being submissive works for that couple then more power to them. Personally it is of no consequence to me if a woman feels that the relationship is stronger if she is submissive to the man's authority. While I don't think I could be in a relationship like that, I can understand how some would find it easy. I know that isn't much of an answer, but it is the truth.

Answer 4

No, it is your choice. Within a relationship, it's about personality between the woman and man and dynamics of the relationship, whatever works for one may not work for another.
Why does it bother some people though if a woman wants to be treated as an equal within their relationship/marraige?
Btw, I am a housewife and mother, but I still have a voice.

Edit: I'm not knocking your choice here, but just need some clarification please to your response that it is the natural way for a man to be manager and woman assistant manager?
Why is it the natural way?
I'm still struggling to understand that it's the natural order for women to be naturally submissive, though I really do think it's an individual thing and if women wish to be submissive, that's fine but if they don't, then perhaps it could be because the natural order is evolving.

Answer 5

I don't care if a woman chooses that, just as long as they don't try to say that every woman should be that way, which it looks like you are trying to say here:

<<.it's like he's manager and she's assistant manager. It's the natural way.>>

I'm sorry, it's just that when I look at the definition for submissive, I just can't understand how someone can basically give up their free will:

sub·mis·sive

ADJECTIVE:

Inclined or willing to submit.

sub·mit

VERB:
sub·mit·ted , sub·mit·ting , sub·mits
VERB:
tr.

1. To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.

VERB:
intr.

1. To give in to the authority, power, or desires of another.

That's just not me. Occasionally, I will defer to my husband on matters because it is something he has more knowledge on, but I would never give complete control of myself to him, which is how I see "submissive".

You aren't reading what I said, to me, submissive means giving control ALL THE TIME to someone. I can give control sometimes, but I'm not going to live my life like that all the time. Enjoy it all you want, just don't tell me it is a "beautiful thing", trying to make me think that it is the way to be, when it isn't for me. Have fun, but don't expect me to agree with it. I'm quite happy the way I am, and my husband wouldn't want me any other way, especially submissive.

Housewife doesn't equal submissive. I'm a housewife, and I in no way, shape or form have given control of me to my husband.

Answer 6

Not at all. Feminism is about women having choices in their lives, not having them all fit one narrow mold. If those women want to be submissive, then let them. However, the problem comes when people feel that's the only way all women should be living their lives. I don't want to be submissive and I don't think my husband would like to have such a wife. I don't want to be led around. I'm an adult and I am capable of making my own decisions.

Answer 7

I can't say it bothers me, exactly, but I would want to ask whether this desire to be submissive is a free choice or a result of a lifetime of indoctrination to accept the concept.

Some people are leaders and others are followers. And believe it or not, leadership is NOT a gender specific trait. There have been many good female leaders throughout history - Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I, Mother Theresa, to name a few.
If you recognize yourself as a follower and want your partner to take the role of leader, that is a smart choice, and I fully support that choice. But don't expect me to buy the line that male leadership is "natural." The principles you describe come from a patriarchal religion (which is a social construct), not biology.

Answer 8

I know of no feminists that have a problem with women who want to be housewives.

If a person (of either sex) wants to let the other person make all decisions for them, I think they're out of their minds, and have no right to complain when the other person abuses their power (which was freely and irrationally given), but I don't say anything.

Everyone has the right to do as they see fit; if that means giving all control over their life to someone else, then that's their choice.

I think it's wrong-headed, but it's not my decision.

I also wonder at that other person, who doesn't want to be in a relationship with a free and equal human being, but rather with a slave or automaton, but that, too, is their choice.

But as for any person not having a job outside the house, if that's what the couple want, then I don't see any problem with that -- whichever sex stays home. It's one legitimate way of dividing up all the family duties.

Few couples can afford it, but no one in their right mind would object to any couple making that decision.

Answer 9

Everyone should be free to live their lives without judgment. If that is a woman's choice, so be it as long as she is happy and content with it. I don't want anyone to judge me or how I live my life, so I certainly don't judge anyone else for what they choose is right for them.


Ambivalence, Fairy, Teeleecee, Shivers, Rio, Xena...thank you for your honorable representation as feminists. Your answers are right on and exactly how I feel.

Answer 10

Taking the lead in what situation?

Personally, I would never want to give over or yield to the power or authority of my husband or defer to my husband's judgment, opinion, decision, etc. simply because I am a woman.

Nothing wrong with being a house wife but not if you have to give over your power to do it.

edit:
It is not natural to willingly give ones power away to another human, except for a helpless baby. Explain what you mean by natural.

and I did not say anything about if he does or if "he doesn't treat his wife well and it doesn't mean her views are not heard"

edit: shivers? whats that? condescending?

anyway, you still don't clarify what you mean by natural. how is it natural?

edit: yes and all of those people teachers, bosses, police officers, both men and women, are professionals. what makes a man the professional on authority over women? what specifically about man makes him superior to women. Please don't quote the bible for there is no basis for fact there.

My apologies for thinking you were being condescending to me. My mistake.