My husband has withdrawn emotionally from our relationship and I was wondering if there is anything I can do about it? I do admit that I have been nagging him because of his affair and his insistance on going out without me. And I do tell him how angry I am with him and I don't trust him.
He is not making an effort any more though. He acts like he just doesn't care, but then says he wants to make things work. But he also stopped communicating with me.
2007-09-08 14:13:26 · 13 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know this has been an ongoing situation for you and I am sure it has been more emotionally taxing then any of us truly understand.
Granted, we are all trying to give you advise without the benifit of being able to ask guestions to know all the nuances of what is going on.
It is is VERY normal to be angry and to even express your hurt and your dissapointment in what he did to you. However, as you and I have discussed before...he needs to get to a place where he understands that there is forgiveness at the end of all this....that you still have hope that he will be the man you want...and that he wants to be.
He will be more willing to listen to you when you have those moments that you NEED (and it is a legitimate need) to unload some of the hurt he has caused, if you have set the correct foundation.
Does he think that the rest of his life is going to consist of his being yelled at and distrusted....or have you let him know that you desire a restoration of trust and love? Does he think that you are using his mistake to forever influence a certain "power" over him...or does he understand that you are entightled to a measure of time in which he needs to hand the reigns to you?
If the foundation has been set and he is not willing to do what he SHOULD be doing then it is a wasted cause....If you have not set the foundation or you are using this time to use a little "degrading therapy"...then stop....take a breath...reevaluate and give the relationship every chance that it deserves.
You DO have the right to set certain limitations and expectations..you even have the right to be honest and say that you dont trust him. (but you need to "try" and stop nagging)...As of now, his withdrawel may be attributed to how you are interacting with him.
Sit down with him again and set the GOALS..if he is still withdrawn...then It very well may be time to cut him loose and mourn over what HE threw away.
(I truly hope things work out the way that is best for you!!)
2007-09-08 23:27:15 · answer #1 · answered by MRBiggs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. He's opted out, but is saying he is in so he has you as the back-up plan. Stop nagging and stop tolerating his stupid behavior. If he isn't home, then go find something to do and get on with your life. You can't make him be your best friend and partner. You can tell him what you need, ask him what he wants and negotiate how to get there, but not if he isn't willing to step up and do the work. He left you. He just hasn't changed his address. Stop listening to him saying he wants it to work and tell him to prove it. Show me the money. Communication is about the solution. How do you get where you want to be?
I am sorry, but unless he wants in and is willing to step up and take responsibility for his happiness and the happiness of this marriage, you got nothing. A half of a marriage is two single people sharing an address.
Married men do not go out without their wives. Married men who do that are not making their marriage their priority. If he goes out, then you go out. Find something to do. Surely don't sit around waiting for him to decide what you are doing with your life.He can do what he wants, but you can decide on how you let it affect you. Act. Stop reacting. This is your life. Take charge of it. Decide what you want, how to get it and and what you plan to put up with. You don't need a child--you need a partner. Tell him to grow up or get out.
2007-09-08 14:23:04 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why'd he cheat in the first place? It's prob the same reason he's emotionally tuned you out right now. Lack of sex, too much nagging, not doing enough to split house work? Figure out what his needs are and try to meet them. Don't be a door matt though it goes both way you give he gives
2007-09-08 15:51:10 · answer #3 · answered by Answerman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're still nagging about his affair, then you really haven't forgiven him.
Make up your mind if you're going to forgive and forget or if it's something you'll never be able to forgive. Then make the decision to stay and keep your mouth shut or move on with your life.
There's no right or wrong here, it's just up to you to decide how you want to live the rest of your life.
2007-09-08 14:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by Elt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys hate to argue. Guys hate to argue! Guys hate to argue! Get it? Stop arguing over everything. Is the stuff you're arguing about really that important? If i had to live with someone that I had to argue with more than once in a blue moon I'd get out of there fast. And, if I lived with someone that used withholding sex as a method of trying to manipulate me I'd be gone as well.
2016-05-19 23:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a man get emotionally turned off
the marriage is doomed... it is just a matter of time
you have killed every thing inside of him..
even tho' he was wrong for cheating..
move on.. and find someone else... he did...
u will be left with nothing and no body
2007-09-08 14:35:24 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. You deserve happiness and he needs to know how you feel. I would advise talking to a counselor, pastor or someone you can trust that has some knowledge in marriages. Good luck.
2007-09-08 18:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs and you need to go to marriage counseling. You have a mess on your hands do to mistakes that have happened and not forgiven and no trust. No he should not be going out without you at this point. you both need to learn how to talk with each other again.....good luck
2007-09-08 14:21:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
say sorry to him and tell him that you love him,
tell him that your sorry for not trusting him and that you want to trust him and that your going to try to, and let him go out on his own, but also plan dates together, my husband and I always have Thursday nights together, thats our night and we don't make any other arrangements for this night, maybe give that a try,
maybe try pampering him, I know it sounds strange but most guys really love it, give him a massage when he comes home from work or something.
I really hope things work out for you and your husband
2007-09-08 14:30:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use reverse tactics on him. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned with him. Don't call after him, don't look for him. When he comes home hardly notice.
Have him followed when he goes out with out you. Find out if he is still having an affair.
If he is divorce him.
2007-09-08 14:19:14 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋