husband issues ..am i wrong ?

Question

my husband and i generally have a good relationship...we got married in secret without our parents knowing as he was going to iraq for deployment ....a few months later my parents found out and luckily my husband was back from iraq by then .....my parents were very fustrated and kept giving me a hard time abt the wedding ...now after some time as they are getting to know my husband they r seeming to be alright with all this and want us to have a big wedding ....my husband is stationed 6 hours away from me 4 now and comes to visit me everyother weekend ...i usually make up wrk excuses to my parents and leave the house to spend time secretly with him as he doesnot want to caome over to greet my parents while he is in town ....this particular weekend having no reasonable excuse i suggested if we could just tell my parents he was in town and have maybe dinner with them so they can bond with him too and after which we will spend all our time together . having heard this..........cont

my husband got mad and said i dont spend enough time with him and got mad and decided not to come see me ...i did give him an ultimatum that i would drive to his state and we can spend all our time together and he dint wanna do that ither ...i love him a lot but i cant keep on lying to my parents ..i dont think i have to keep on lying and making excuses to see my husband as i am married to him ...why cant my husband bond a little with my parents ...they have never told him anything rude or been bad to him ...why is he doing this..or is it me ...im so stressed out pls help...

im 23 my husband is 25

Answer 1

You have every right to feel the way you do. He needs to understand that it's important to you for everyone to get along and be ok with this. Your husband and your parents are the most important people in your world and you feel like you're torn between them. What a tough situation. Have you tried explaining this to him? Does he know how much you're hurting from all of this? He sounds very immature, and I hope he will eventually come around and realize how much pain he's causing you.

Answer 2

sticky situation... but i will just say this... getting your partner to be involved with your family is something you establish before you get married.... after you are married you and your husband are one.... im sure there is a good reason why you two don't live together... (hopefully) but you need to side with your husband and work towards making your marriage stronger (if you are planning on staying married) if it was just a spur of the moment type thing i can see where all these ultimatium about take me and my family as we are or else type thing.... but it should be doing everything possible so that your marriage is respected. start by having some type of living arrangement with your husband or a more defined visiting schedule... it seems like you are sending mixed messages to both sides... you should realize that you and your husband are one and you BOTH make the decision on how to handle your parents..... but do whats best.... good luck.

Answer 3

Well i/ do understand the fact that you want your husband and your parents to get alone and have a good relationship. I think though it is best not to push things since you are married to your husband and it does say in the good book that once you gte married then to leave your parents and pretty much go with your husband. I guess God knew things like this might happen also or he would not have told his people to follow that law. He knew that would help married people with the parents and all. sometimes it takes people some time to get to know other people. I know that your husband needs to make you happy and that him getting to know your husband would make you happy. But give it some time because he is young. you both are young. you have plenty of time. I know that it will all work out someday. Also your husband might feel like your parents might think he is not as good for you as you could have gotten. I know that this might make him feel bad even though he loves you probally more then any other man could. Even a rich man. Remind your parents that he treats you good and he is in a hard war. Tell them that he will come visit as soon as all the pressure in his life is lessoned up. In the meantime you really need to not let it bother you that your husband does not want to get to close to your parents. Just make sure your husband is not doing something that he shouldn't be doing. Like is he hising something from you and your parents and he might think that your parents will figure this out since they are older and wiser. But if this is not the case and you know it to.Then don't be stressed over the fact that your husband does not want to get close to your parents. He is not married to them. He is married to you and that is really all that should matter. Guve him time and give your aprents time to. Tell your parents that your new husband is very shy around new people right now and since he is under stress with being in Irag before and he has work. I know it's hard to make excuses for him to.You should explain this to your husband and tell him toat leats give your parents a call telling them something very nice from him, Like thank you so much for asking me to come over but at this time ,,,,, so forth. At least your husband can be polite to your parents for your sake. This is the right thing to do. But geive it time for your husband. Your parents need to back off and leave you, your husband alone. I would think that with them being the older of the situation that they might try to understand. You are a married women now. It's ahrd for parents to let go of thier babies. No matter how old the children get.So try to undertsand that this is a touchy situation for evryone involved. So try to be the bigger person in this whole situation and understand both sides. Smile and keep on loving both parents and husband no matter what. God Bless you.

Answer 4

I don't understand - he's your husband. Why are you sneaking around to see him???

If he doesn't want to spend his free weekends with your parents, I understand that, but he needs to see you. Why aren't you living with him. They provide family housing on bases.

You have a bigger problem than you think, here, dear. Who married you? Does he have you listed as his next of kin with the army (or whichever branch)? Do you have a dependent ID, etc? Where is going next? When?

Good luck with this one, dear.

Answer 5

Your husband is being very unreasonable. He should take the time and meet your parents. If he is serious about being with you and takes being married seriously that goes with the territory. Tell him that you're not in a secret love affair with him you are supposed to be in a marriage so he should start acting like it.

Answer 6

That is odd that he would act like that. He's really putting you in a tough situation. I say get everything out on the table. Tell your parents he doesn't want to come around, but since your married to him he is your first priority.

Maybe he'll grow up in the near future, be patient.

Answer 7

In my opinion, you should never base your relationship on a lie or it is doomed from the start. Do you both or either of you attend church? How did this get so messed up? If you dont do something quick and discuss with your husband whom is treated like an outsider by his wife, whether it is meant or not, you are not as one as God says you should be. HONESTY AND UNDERSTANDING. Please fix it now before its too late, and pray about it to God. These are the two of you not one .......is not just your husbands issues.....treat him right....

Answer 8

You should tell your parents the truth. Your husband is being very unreasonable. You should be living on base with your husband. If he won't come to see you, give him the big shine on, until he straightens up.

Answer 9

I understand what you are saying and I agree with you. Your hubby needs to give your parents time to get to know him and he can only do that by actually spending some time with them.

Why don't you talk with him about it and come up with a plan to have your parents bond with him and his parents to bond with you. Let him know that you love him and you want your marriage to work, but you feel that continually lying to your parents is causing you undue stress.

Answer 10

he may feel .. now that time has past... that he is not good enough for ur family

and he may be upset that u were not straight up with ur family and hid it from them... which has cause him to loose respect for u....

he could of found another love...

and just doesn't care what u do... ???

just forget about communicating with him... and go on with ur life.. don't beg him... if he loves u.. then he will compromise.. if not he is not in love with u and u will make a bigger fool out of ur self...

he may of called ur parents and told them in secretly..

leave it alone.. u sholud of never married him that way... if he never comes home, then u have to get a secret divorce...