I am 31 and have been seeing my boyfriend for a little over a year. We never considered ourselves to be in a long term relationship, partly because I want kids someday and he does not. I am finishing law school in a few months and working full time, which is why I haven't had time to actively search for Mr. Right. I found out this week that I am pregnant. He wants me to get an abortion, and while I was sensitive to his feelings about the matter, I told him abortion would not be a choice that I could make, for spiritual reasons (not so much religious reasons; I don't really believe in God). This is ironic, because he is the one who is Catholic. He is used to getting everything he wants from women, probably starting with his mother, but that crap has never worked in my zone, so my mind is made up. He is a good guy, though, and is sensitive and emotional in all of the right ways. He is just selfish. At what point do new fathers come around to the idea of an unplanned baby?
2007-09-08 13:09:46 · 15 answers · asked by - 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
The fathers that come around to an uplanned are usually the ones who eventually wanted one and just happened to have one before they were expecting to. To be honest, if he never planned on having kids and wants you to get an abortion, then he may not ever come around. Just take care of yourself and the baby and make the decisions now about about what you plan on doing once the baby is here. If he does come around then he will come around after the baby is born. Sorry to hear about your dilema, good luck to you in your decisions! :)
2007-09-08 13:21:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jenny 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation. I'm a full time college student, and work as well. I found out I was preg about 2 weeks ago, and the father wants me to abort..im also not too emotional or nothing but I don't think it's right for me to do that. The father is 31, and I'm 21. He don't really talk to me or see me sinse the day I told him I was preg. I mean, men just change when they found out about something like that, but they may actually come around. two guys I know stepped up when after 2-4 months of finding out that their girlfriends were pregnant. But it's actually just a matter of time. Good luck to both of us, hope you make the right decision, cuz i'm still thinking about it myself...
2007-09-08 13:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
In all reality most fathers of unplanned pregnancies really come around. Some may marry the girl/woman but they usually still wonder what life would be like without the child. There are good guys though that do turn around but they are usually the ones that were just scared of taking on the responsibility of a little life or not use to babies and children. Sounds to me like if he wants you to abort he will probably not change his mind on that, but there are plenty of single moms (and dads) making it just fine with their little ones, you will be ok.
2007-09-08 13:16:55 · answer #3 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well he may not seeing as he wanted you to have an abortion. Many men aren't as exited as we get and come around toward the end and especially after they see the baby. My BF the first time around was supportive but kind of distance but after the U/S he seemed more exited and was very exited once I had him. Just so you know selfish and a baby do not mix well at all he may not have what it takes to father a child.
2007-09-08 13:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by anjelahoy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may never change. Please imagine a year from now and you are with the baby. Don't imagine the way you want it, imagine the way it could TRULY be. It is common for men to disappear if they make it clear they do not want the responsibility of a child. (Yes, he should be wearing a condom then ... ) But, if he makes it clear that he does not want a child, you need to listen. I feel it is both the man and woman's decision together to decide. He is as much a part of it as you are. He may be selfish forever.
2007-09-08 15:09:05 · answer #5 · answered by Happy Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations for deciding to keep the baby. You can do it alone, girl, even without a selfish father in the picture. Sticking to your decision and not allowing him to dictate on you what to do is the best thing you can do now for yourself and your unborn child. Stop seeing him and let him go.
But if you still want to give him another chance, bring him along when you are scheduled to have an ultrasound check up of your baby. The sight of his baby on the monitor and the sound of the fetal heartbeats might bring him back to his senses. However, don't rely too much on this. If he truly loves you, he will love everything in you, most especially your child by him, regardless of the hassles and inconveniences.
2007-09-08 13:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by chicchemise 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He may never will, but he is still financially responsible for supporting his child. By 30 years old, I'm sure you both know this. I would suggest a couple of sessions (or more) of couples counseling because an unborn child is something that doesn't just "go away" and should be in his life forever.
2007-09-08 13:18:45 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you fell pregnant without telling him then he is allowed to be angry . ( not saying you did ) its ur choice what to do, he may never come around or he may warm to it in a few weeks its really hard to tell but if it was unplanned on his behalf ( and i know it takes two) then he may resent you for this. give him his space and concentrate on you and bub and dont put any pressure on him for now and let it all sink in for him. its hard when you wernt in a serious relationship to start of with, but if you can support a child then thats up to you not him. :)
2007-09-08 13:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by gemma b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if he doesn't want the baby then you can't make him but I'm glad that you don't want to kill your baby just because it is something that he wants that's wrong and he shouldn't have asked you that in the 1st place but yes you keep the baby and love it and take care of it, since it is something that you want and you will have a way to support it and everything. He's not a good guy if he wants to murder his own baby, you need to think about that. Like someone else said he may or not ever come around. I'm 15wks pregnant and i wouldn't want to harm my baby or to listen to someone who doesn't want me to keep my baby.
2007-09-08 13:28:01 · answer #9 · answered by dorikate 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
better face the facts, he Does Not want kids. he told you this.
so in your case he may not never come around, sorry for you. But it is your child who will suffer the most. not having a father in is or her life is going to be hard on him/her you need to find someone who would be willing to and wants to have and raise children. the man you are with now certainly does not want any, and if you force them on him he could become abusive to your child in the future.
2007-09-08 13:18:50 · answer #10 · answered by bakerone 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋