Do I focus on getting over my marriage or wait for him to come around?

Question

I NEED HELP FROM YOU GUYS !!
In a nutshell, 2 months ago my husband of 13 years told me he does not love me anymore and wants a divorce. Then I find out he has been seeing someone for the past 3 months. Yes we had problems in our relationship and they were all financial.
He is now living with this women and he has recently showed interest in listening to me talk and tell him he is making a mistake and we can fix our marriage. I keep flipping back and forth from trting to move on and forget about it to forgiving him for what he has done and trying to reach out to him to try to make it work. Yes we have had sex twice since the split and I have asked him if he is only using me for that. He says our sex life is so great and he desires me but he still feels a closeness and connection to me and wants to talk about it when he is ready. Am I being and idiot for this or should I stand by patiently for a bit? I know that no one can tell me what to do but I need advice.

Answer 1

Guys don't speak in code."I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce", means

EXACTLY THAT!

Answer 2

Yikes. Waiting patiently for him to decide what to do with your life is a hard one for me to swallow. Trying to have a relationship with him while most of his energy is being spent on some other woman isn't real easy to hear either. Do not listen to what he is saying. Watch what he is doing. If he is still playing the same old games and still not taking responsibility for working out solutions, then there is no conversation you can have that will put your marriage back together. When he is with HER he is not working out your problems. He is keeping his options open so he has you as a back up plan until the next better thing comes along.

Grab up what is left of your self-esteem and self-respect and close the damn door. You can choose to let him work this out by giving him a time-limit you are comfortable with and stopping all contact, conversation and sex until the date is up. In the meantime, start planning your life. Waiting around for him to get his head on while time slips past is not my idea of a great plan. You can do it, but you need to do more than that.

Sorry for your situation. I wish I had a magic bullet.

Answer 3

He says he wants to be with you, his wife, while he's playing house and committing adultery with another woman? It sounds as though he either doesn't know what he wants, or is just hoping he can have both his cake and ice cream. Adultery is pretty much the vow breaker in our marriage. If my husband was playing house and screwing another woman while he was still married to me, I would tell him where to go. It wouldn't be my bed, either.

Oh, yeah. If you two have children and they are watching this, then definitely tell him what he can do. It is not a good influence on them.

Answer 4

A lot of times, men will leave their wives only to realize that the one they desired isn't all that. Just play it cool with him. Tell him you love him, but this back and forth behavior doesn't work for you and you're moving forward with your life just as he did when he left you. Tell him you wish him well with whatever he chooses to do.

Answer 5

objectively, since i have no emotional involvement, and logically speaking, i think you should quit being so nice to him. it is not your place to help him figure himself , cheating on the other woman in the process. i'd tell him that you are better than being reduced to this, that he needs to get a move on, and if he wants back into your relationship HE can move mountains to prove it to you while you sit back and evaluate his genuineness. he made his bed now he has to lay in it. don't fall sucker to his whines about how he is still so connected to you while he STILL LIVES WITH THE OTHER WOMAN AND IS HAVING SEX WITH HER AS WELL!!!!. you are better than that so act it.

Answer 6

It depends on what you want, and your beliefs.