should i forgive and forget.............?

Question

i love my husband very much and its quite impossible to live without him both for me and my four year old papa's girl.i really love my husband from the core of my heart,i can live witout anything except for my daughter and my husband.it was really very shocking for me when i came to know that he is having terms with one of his co-worker from the past two years.i feel like doing nothing........nothing.....there must be my fault which made him to do so..........what should i do ,please help.

Answer 1

Whoa. How devastating. Stop. He hurt you and now you are beating yourself up worse. That makes no sense. Stop it. You need a good friend right now, not beating yourself up with mean thoughts and words. Be KIND to yourself.

HE has an issue and HE screwed it up. HE has to decide to make you his priority like you made him yours. This is not about you screwing up or being a bad wife. Where did you get that idea??? He has lied, cheated and misled you. You deserve better than that. Take a break. Go visit relatives and get some help taking care of your daughter while you get back on your emotional feet. Take a break from him to get yourself together.

What is he saying? What does he want to do? What do you want?

Take some time, then start looking toward planning your future, with or without him. You teach people how to treat you so do not teach him that you will take the fall for his stupid decisions and treachery. Don't even go there.

Later, when your mind is more clear think what you would tell your daughter to do or your sister to do.

For now, just get some distance and some support. Do not say another mean word about how you must have made him do what he did. He CHOSE to do it and it wasn't your fault.

Answer 2

First, you will not be able to just forget. You may come to forgive him, but it will take time to move through the hurt and anger.

An affair is a choice made by the wayward spouse only. Regardless of any problems in the marriage, he always had a choice to find ways to improve the problems without betraying your trust. It was NOT your fault, so stop blaming yourself.

Yes, it is an emotional shock at first, the start of a real emotional roller coaster. Sadness, depression, anger, lots of confusion. Making the decision as to what to do is a big one. Give yourself time, as initially, things are so emotional and it's difficult to make such a complex choice. But, so often, you find that you still love that person, that doesn't instantly end. You have a child together who needs for you to take your time about ending the family. Marriages CAN survive this, but it will take commitment and lots of work from both sides.

First step to rebuilding your marriage will be for your husband to end the affair. You cannot start rebuilding as long as there is a third party involved. He has to stop all contact with the other woman, That might even mean looking for another job.

Take care of yourself, this is a terribly stressful time.

Resources
A few good books:
"Not Just Friends" by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs

A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/affairstal...

A few other helpful sites:
http://www.dearpeggy.com/
http://marriagebuilders.com/
http://betrayedspouse101.tripod.com/...
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/
http://peterfox.com.au/index.html...

A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
http://www.lifesaviors.com/SI/
http://survivinginfidelity.com/...

An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
http://www.aftertheaffair.net/

Answer 3

so sorry , sister
your affection toward your husband is very great
but he is unlucky to receive it
i wish to tell you
do not weep/cry at any point of time
(sorry) if your husband had died in an accident , what you would have done ?
think like that and forget him
LIVE LIFE for the sake of your daughter s well being
don t forgive your husband , instead ignore him
not only him , the good old memories too
Our affection is valuable , only when it is shown by us to a correct person. Try to understand this.
Once again
Be cheerful and let God be with you, throughout

Answer 4

You can love your husband, you can forgive him too. But realize it is NOT your fault he cheated. If he makes the effort to regain your trust, counseling etc.,,,you may have a chance at saving your marriage.. and dont forget to pray....cause the pain you will go through hasnt even started yet. I speak from experience.

Answer 5

Tell your husband that you love him but if he continues to have affairs behind your back you will leave him.

If this does'nt stop him, talk to your husbands boss and tell him whats going on, talk to the girl and tell her she has no future with a married man and to leave your husband alone.

If this does'nt work tell your in laws and parents about whats going on and ask for a family meeting to sort things out.

If this also does'nt work then your husband might need to be counselled by the police, so go to police station and ask them to counsel your husband.

Answer 6

It is not possible to know your nationality and your value system. I am Indian, and can advice based on my value system.
Successful marriages are not made of tolerance deficiency. Ironical but it is true that the responsibility to sustain marriages through ups and downs of life, rests with wife. on face of it, it looks like woman is compromising her vanity. But then a broken marriage is also a compromise with life. Former compromise is recommanded for good of you, your family and society. You would reap the benefits of tolerance later on in your life.Best luck.

Answer 7

if terms means sexual relationship. This is utter crap that you are going through. I pity your husband that he forgets you and your child and goes behind some other woman for what. Please sit down with him and ask him, what is the reason for all this . Talk it out . Make sure that he is telling the truth . try to get him to change the Job and get a new number and make him understand that you cannot put up with this under any circumstance .

Answer 8

Did you ask him why he did this? And why are you blaming yourself? What you should do is ask him why. Are you sure that this is happening? If it is for sure, then he obviously is filling some void. That doesnt mean that it is your fault that there is one. Are the 'terms' that you speak of sex? You both need to talk openly and honestly, trying not to judge or argue. Above all, he must be honest with you about all of it.

Answer 9

Woman, you need help! You are confuse with the definition of love. First of all, in order to love, you must love yourself first. Second, in order to be taken serious you must respect yourself. Do not let him or no other men look down upon you.
Woman you are worth much more. Your life and self-dignity has no price, not even the man who is hurting you, for love does not hurt.

Good Luck

Answer 10

no do not do that your daughter will suffer hugely because when she finds out taht her dad was a cheat it will break her heart divorce him and dont refuse supervisied access to see your kid but dont be togther with him and show to to your daughetr that this kind of behaviour is normal is isnt.

your daughter wil;l also learn that if papa is a cheatin on mama then when it comes to her relationships she'll think its normal to be betrayed and cheated on too.

just dont do it