Is the relationship a failure?

Question

I have just read the answers to what makes a relationship a success and I can honestly say my relationship fits most of those. I can be myself completly, trust, honesty(and thats been rough).we have many shared interests.best friend. used to be good sex but my hearts not init anymore. BUT he takes no responsibility.I manage the house , the finances, the little money he brings in, I make most desicions -work, social.and organise everything. I feel like I play the parent role? we go for a drink/meal he tells me his order,I carry all the money while travelling and it goes on......I want to go out into the world and adventure-hes happy where he is...
so what makes a relationship work...whats failure? are we allowed to move on to find new or stick it out . we got loads of plus's but I want to finish after 15 years and a child.....do you make do with the plus's or do you go for where your heart dreams.theres no other man in my life right now.

I'd like to add that I'm the major wage earner and run my own business- not a bored housewife!!!

he plays tennis while I work my a*** off

Answer 1

So what is the problem, you don't like having more control over things or that you do not love him for who he is? Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable handling the money, because some shouldn't. Most of the time men are in the position you are in (and no one would question this). Ask him how he feels about these responsibilities. If he feels he can't handle them, hey at least he is being honest and not ruining your credit!

It can only be a failure if you cannot communicate about such things both ways, and trust each other with your own lives. Just because sex isn't exciting anymore, doesn't mean there still isn't love. And what would happen if one of you became deathly ill or injured (statistically more likely to be him); wouldn't one have to carry all of those responsibilities you just mentioned?

If you are truely best friends, then act like it. Then you will know the answer on if you should stay or go. Remember, your marriage (and thus commitment to the one you say that you love) is a model for your child. You can still be your own person and fullfill your heart's dreams, but do it with respect to your family. Work makes a relationship work.

EDIT: If he goes out and plays tennis, and you work for yourself, take some time off and play with him, or learn to! Sounds like a little jealousy going on. Find what you don't NEED to do and delegate to someone else or company or cut it out completely and go have fun WITH your husband.

Answer 2

A relationship is what you both make of it. Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side and its not having what you want but wanting what you have. There will be no guarantee that if you should leave your other half that youllbe any happier than you arenow and also theres always that chance things could be worse too. It sounds like you both are at opposite ends of exactly where both of you would figure youd be at this point. It also sunds like youre a bored to death stay at home housewife while hes a hard working bringing home the bacon who is exhausted when he gets home with no time or energy for you or anything else. Maybe you should seek a part time job to get out of the house each day and then force half the housework onto him. Hes gotten complacent in the marriage at this time and may need a little help getting remotivated back into the marriage. Good luck

Answer 3

Look. People fall in love, they get married. And time passes. And you change and evolve, and sometimes you grow in different directions. It happens. It's just a part of life. It doesn't mean you don't love the person, or care about them, it just means you are two different people than when you started. I don't believe in staying in a dead-end relationship just for sake of staying, you know? What's the point? It's not an easy process, and it will probably be somewhat painful. But isn't it more painful to stay in a facade of a marriage, when the two of you aren't even on the same page anymore? I have been married 3 times, the longest for 14 years. I wish I had not let it go that long, because we definitely became different people several years into it. Looking back, I wasted so much time because I thought it was the right thing to do. (Right thing for who, I now ask myself). It's okay to grow and change. It's human. Give each other permission to move on. No one should have to "make do" in a marriage.

Answer 4

I think you should stay and make the best of it until your child is 18 and out of the house, and then re-evaluate your life. You might find over the years that things change for the better, or you might be feeling exactly the same way....either way, life is too short, so be a parent first, then re-evaluate.

Answer 5

i can understand your problem but dear to stay in a happy relationship we have to compromise a lots of thing.try to convence him.u married him,may be before also he was like that but u deside to go together with him,now all of sudden u cant change him.do not forget that u have a child also now.if u run after your dreams then what about ur child's dream??

Answer 6

talk to your husband-see what his thoughts are

maybe he would like to take a more active role in managing the household, finances or whatever