love or compromise?

Question

Hi guys! thxs for stopping by! i am at crossroads, i am 28 married six months back , recently found out my wife has been cheating on me before and after marriage , i directly and indirectly hinted her to stop all this , but it doesnt.She lied to me on various occasions but now its beyond doubt.....Whenever we fight She threatens me with law , suicide and every way she can ...i am somewhere more worried bcoz of her being totally unpredictable and voilent.She has been pampered child and is supported by her family .......i dont know how to make her faithful to me and improve her behaviour Or should i leave her

Answer 1

Unfortunately, she does not love you or value your relationship and your marriage. Staying will only cause you to be continuously heartbroken and not trust her. What happens if she gets pregnant by this other person?? Most importantly, you have to take a stand as a man and not tolerate her actions, though you can't control her, you can control your actions. Which is not to stand for this. I'm a woman and I say forget about her suicidal threats and walk away for your own mental health. I feel your pain...

Answer 2

She is a very controlling manipulative woman. She wants everything her own way. She seems to think its OK to cheat in the marriage and when you call her on it, she makes threats. You need to be strong and make her own up to her unacceptable behaviour and take responsibility for it. She is the one in the wrong and you have every right to expect better behaviour from her. You say she is also violent. Man, she is everything a man doesnt need.....she is totally into herself with no regard for anyone else. Unless she is prepared to take responsibility for her actions, then nothing will change. If she wants the marriage to survive, she firstly has to stop cheating and she has to stop with the threats. She also has to be open to counselling because she sure as hell needs to change her attitude. Many people who want their own way will make all kinds of threats. She may be unpredictable, but even so, if she chooses to take her own life, which I very much doubt because people who are depressed and suicidal will very rarely talk about it so blatently and anyway, that is her choice. She is an adult and you cannot be responsible for anything she chooses to do. I think you should leave her. I dont condone divorce, but she is totally taking you for granted. She wants to live the way she wants to live without taking your feelings into consideration. A good marriage is based on truth, love, committment and loyalty. A good relationship is an equal partnership......not one who holds the reigns and one who complies. Stop complying with her and start making some demands of your own. Unless you do something about her unacceptable behaviour now then it will get worse and if you allow her to have her own way, then you will end up nothing more than a doormat. Have a little bit of pride and value yourself a little bit more. You are not responsible for her life and you need to start thinking of yourself more. She is not a very nice person at all and you deserve better. She has been in the drivers seat for too long and I think you would be surprised at how the tables will turn once you become strong and demand better treatment.....dont put up with it......you start being in the drivers seat.....she either complies with your reasonable requests or you leave.....dont just threaten.....be prepared to leave because I get the feeling that is the only way you are going to make your point and take control. Good luck.

Answer 3

Dangit this is a hard one, I think you should do what is best for you and that is to leave her. You have already confronted her about her cheating and even been open with her on giving her a second chance. I say discontinue your heartache, cause there is someone out there that can love you better. As far as the threats that your wife throws out, that is just a wall that she's putting up. I 'm sorry my friend but I think the saying is true....you can't turn a hoe into a housewife,

Answer 4

There can be no hinting. She will not take you serious. That is why she hasn't stopped. You have to tell her straight up that this is unacceptable to you and if she does not stop you will leave. If she stops then you can start from there. If she doesn't stop then do just what you said that you would and leave. You don't deserve to be trod on like a welcome mat. Be aware though if you start to see the same behavior later in your marriage remember what it means. Once they have cheated and gotten away with it then it never usually stops for long. Good Luck

Answer 5

Here is how I would do it. I would talk to her family and let them know that she has threatened suicide and appears to be very self destructive right now and that you intend to kick her out of the house and given all her threats of suicide you wanted them to be on hand when she came home to find the doors locked and her stuff waiting outside for her. That way, you've made sure she has someone to be with her to watch and make sure she's not really suicidal and you've let everyone know you aren't going to put up with her childish, horrible, self destructive behavior. Don't argue with the family, don't get into a discussion. Tell them firmly but politely that her behavior has been atrocious, she's been unfaithful and who knows what else is going on and you refuse to put up with it one minute longer. Otherwise, she's just gonna grind you down into the ground and you'll end up trying to save her from herself, and you can't do it.....

Answer 6

Leave her! What are you waiting for?
You dont hint around to stop cheating, you dont even hang around to have a converstion, change the locks on the doors and pack her azz up, tell her to go live with her boy toy.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to say I think you should leave. It is very evident she has issues which she needs to deal with. She doesn't value you, or the marriage. This is a totally disaster. Too bad you got caught in it. Leave!

Answer 8

I'm sorry to say but there is no way to make her stop cheating she has to do that for herself. I think you might try to get her to agree to couples counseling. If she still does not agree you might have to start seriously considering leaving her. I'm sorry this is happening to you and hope this all works out.

Answer 9

Get her to a shrink ASAP. She is in destructive mode and is hurting herself right now. If she will not then go to her parents and tell them what you know. Take a friend or your parents with you. They won' t believe you at first. Good luck.

Answer 10

Well there is no way to make her faithful to you, if marriage didnt do it... nothing will.
If you really dont want to put up with her, just leave her.