I have been married for little over12 years now. My husband took a job that has moved him to another state(kids and I are staying til our house sells, then joining him). Ever since he moved, he has been acting distant, in a hurry to get off the phone, taking out large sums of cash out of the acct and turning off his cell phone. When I ask why he took out so much cash he said he wanted it for spending money. That was a week ago, it's already been spent. He refuses to tell me what he spent it on and says he needs to go. He usually never goes out by himself, but lately goes to a bar"by himself" to drink(he doesn't drink often) and smoke cigars, oh and his phone was turned off. Says his phone dies all the time and he's not turning it off. Am I crazy or does it sound like he is cheating? We have 3 kids and I don't know what to do. I love him, want to our marriage to work, but I don't think he does. He says I am just being insecure and paranoid. Am I? Why all the lies and sneaking?
2007-09-08 08:36:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It could be that he is just taking a break. Think about it. If you were alone with no kids and no husband and no responsibility for a few weeks, it would be hard. You would either miss them to death or just be grateful for a break. My husband is in Iraq right now, I miss him to death, but at the same time, it's nice not having to make dinner every night or being able to let my laundry pile up. See if he'll talk to you about it. Tell him you want to talk and ask him to set aside a time to talk to you where he won't be interrupted. Don't accuse, just say you've missed him and it seems he doesn't have time for you any more. Ask him what's up. Good luck!
2007-09-08 08:45:29 · answer #1 · answered by hope this helps 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been married for 12 years so I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he is in an are where his phone is searching for service. If he is, then it will die faster.
He is in state by himself and lonely. Perhaps he has started to drink and go to bars to find someone to hang out with in the evenings. That does NOT mean that he is with a woman.
You may feel that he is trying to get off of the phone because you are calling so much because you miss him and he is living a life without you while you are stuck at home (I know that I would call my husband and probably drive him crazy).
Are you calling during work hours perhaps.
Now, if he is already renting, get out of the house and move the kids and get them in school where he is. There is no need for you to be staying home worrying yourself to death while he is all by himself.
You came into this marriage together and just because he is in a different state doesn't mean that your love doesn't reach.
Sure some of the things sound fishy, but after 12 years of marriage, give him the benefit of the doubt. Do you BEST not to constantly blame him. Let him know that you love and miss him and perhaps not sound so needy. My husband is gone for weeks-months and I find myself getting clingy b/c I miss him so much.
Don't give up on your love and don't listen to everyone being so down on him and relationships. Some of us really will make it.
2007-09-08 09:05:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you need to find out if your marriage has serious problems before you sell the house and move with the three kids to the other state.
There are books out there which can give you ideas on how to catch a cheating spouse. They involve checking cell phone records, erased emails, and other tech things that leave a trail. You should consider that it may be something besides cheating, such as a gambling or drug problem, but whatever it is, if he won't tell you, you should try to find out some other way, because you definitely have cause to be suspicious.
Good luck.
2007-09-08 08:48:44 · answer #3 · answered by Tricia R 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When a man is cheating it is very common for him to turn it around and blame you for being insecure. He is your husband and he owes you an explanation as to where the money has gone. You are his wife and you deserve his honesty. Maybe he has forgotten what it means to be in a partnership with his wife. Don't get put off by his accusations of you being insecure......tell him you deserve an explanation and you are not just his insignificant other......you are his wife and the mother of his children and I think you deserve his loyalty and his honesty. I dont think you are over-reacting. Your gut is telling you something is wrong and usually your gut is right. Get is sorted out sooner rather than later because if he is having an affair then it needs sorting out before it goes on any longer. Just be honest and upfront and dont be put off by him hedging the issues....demand he give you some answers. You are not being paranoid, you are reacting like any woman would when their man is behaving differently.
2007-09-08 08:44:53 · answer #4 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats a tough question to answer. I think the more you accuse him the more distant he is going to become so be very careful. Maybe a more effective way of communicating with him is by letting him know how much you love and trust him, it's a lot easier to hurt someone who is nagging at you and annoying you than it is to hurt someone who is being kind and trusting you. Besides there is nothing really you can do to change him if he is cheating, he's going to do it whether you are screaming in his ear about it or not. I hope for your sake and your kid's sake you find that he is not cheating at all.
2007-09-08 08:45:51 · answer #5 · answered by Mama Kitty 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is not cheating, he is leaving you in a very cowardly way! Freeze the mutual bank accounts before he will take and spend all your together money.
He used his new job as an opportunity to escape. You should stop selling the house before you find out more what is going on. I am very sorry but there is no reasonable excuse for his behavior. He is definitely up to something, something not good. Sorry to bring the bad news.
2007-09-08 08:45:12 · answer #6 · answered by terliuke 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The hair alongside with the "do no longer bypass with the aid of my telephone.' could be adequate for me. some women desire greater. You unquestionably could believe your guy or woman gut. in case you're actually not insecure in your self and you're having those emotions, then you could snoop. don't be scared, you have each acceptable to renowned once you're being disrespected and cheated on. yet be waiting.... additionally, you already know greater powerful. 7 hairs on one outfit?...... (If i'm reading properly) you presently that that many hairs do no longer purely draw close around on clothing after being washed and 3 months later are nonetheless chilling around the residing house. don't be taken for a fool.
2016-10-04 05:23:23 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It definitely sounds like he is cheating and if not that he is up to something. If it were me I would find out as much about the area as I could, nonchalantly ask him what the names of the bars he goes to are, what his favorite restaurants up there are and leave the kids with there grandmother for a couple of days and plan A "surprise" trip up there and see what you can catch him doing.
2007-09-08 09:05:27 · answer #8 · answered by Renee F 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am not married but I can honestly say he is cheating on you.He has an age and he thinks he gets old so now he tries to have fun with girls. He goes to the bar that means he gets drunk and he is not sure what he is doing and he spends money . On cigars, drinks and women.Hope it helped
2007-09-08 08:44:22 · answer #9 · answered by arghh 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I never understand when I hear stories of a spouse leaving the family behind til a house sells or something of the nature. any how., in my opinion it opens the door to something, It doesnt have to be cheating.. maybe its just the feeling of freedom and he is taking advantage of the situation.. You should talk your feelings over with him first of all...
especially before you uproot your family to a place you may not want to be
2007-09-08 08:47:49 · answer #10 · answered by lynna 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋