Tell me if you will read it. Here's the introduction.
Before the dawn of time, when there were mystical creatures and magic, a terrible dragon named Trogan arose from the earth and began controlling all of its citizens with a ghostly stare. Only 7 managed to avoid his gaze, but they were mere children. Winged elf, Fairies, Elvin girls, son of a Barbarian and a son of a Shaman, all unique and clever, they will try to defeat Trogan and get everyone’s mind back. God will give them all of their powers, but the question is, will be enough to save the world?
If you need more info contact me ok?
2007-09-08 08:36:31 · 4 answers · asked by ? 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
The names are Alyth, the winged elf, Delu, an elf, Lilli, another elf, Tish, a fairy, Kiko, another fairy, Shilo, the son of a barbarian, and Han, the son of a shaman and he's also a winged elf.
2007-09-08 09:01:03 · update #1
No ... Doesnt do anything for me at all. Anne Mc Caffrey did dragons and all others are pale imitations. Pax- C
2007-09-08 08:48:53 · answer #1 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dragons generally hatch from eggs, or are occasionally created out of whole cloth by wizards or mutations. Generally if they are rising from the Earth, they have already been created and have a history. Ghostly stares only frighten. You've got to come up with a power word to go along with stare.
Everyone still has their mind. It may be controlled by your dragon, but unless Trogan eats minds for lunch (leaving the victims in a whole different predicament) the only thing your characters really need to do is release them from the Dragon's control. What motivation does the dragon have for controlling these minds in the first place? Are they harvesting food? Do they dig for treasure? It takes a certain amount of force of will to harness a mind and it is not generally done just for the heck of it!
Your archetypes are also a bit cliched, have no background history for joining together, and nothing in common that would suggest that there is a way to resist the Dragon's mind control. By the way, the world gets along just fine whether it has dragons or industrialists on it's hide. If you're going to save the world, something has to threaten the entire globe. If you are going to save the indigenous populations, then save the kingdoms, the countries, or even a way of life, but leave the world out of it. the world has survived asteroids, Dinosaurs, strip mining and Dubyah so far. I think it can put up with the odd dragon now and then. What's this about "GOD" giving them all their powers by the way? That's a pretty cheap way to even the score. If they want power, they've got to search for it, earn it, dig it out of a mountain, forge it from the volcanic lake, or at least be born with it and not know how to use it! Implying that GOD goes around tipping the scales so they balance all the time is just not good plot development.
Where is the Dragon's Achille's heel? Where is the mentor in this group? What makes this dragon any worse than any other dragon that knights go around slashing up so they can marry princesses every other day? Even before the dawn of time, mystical creatures had reasons for the things that they did, magic had rules, and if you've got citizens, you've got civilization. That implies something well after the dawn of time. If you've got a Trogan, why does it have to be a dragon anyway. Make it a Trogan. that's got a lot more personality than the far more generic "Dragon!
You've got a Trogan. Give it a history, a reason for controlling things, a goal or purpose, and some champions that have some substance to them. If they are going to defeat a Trogan, they've got to bemore than unique and clever. They've got to be Warriors! Good luck with the rewrite.
2007-09-08 09:42:44 · answer #2 · answered by MUDD 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why don't you name the kids the gods children. like Percy the true son of the sea god, Thalia the daughter of Zeus, Luke the son of Hermes, Annabeth Chase the daughter of Athena, Classie daughter of Ares, Dionysus God of wine,Hades God of the Underworld, and Ares God of war, and Kronos An evil Titan
2007-09-08 08:57:31 · answer #3 · answered by Kathy N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not relly in to magic but I know that there will be tons of people who would love your book! write it, publish it, and dont stop your passion! Good luck! :D
2007-09-08 08:49:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋