I am just looking for some opinions please..
I have been married since I was 16, I am now 30. I have met someone online about 5 years ago, I am completely in love with him. I stopped contact with him for over a year to see if my relationship with my husband would improve. It did not. I cant stand to be around my husband, I love him but have never been inlove with him and despise the thought of sex with him. This man I met I have never met in r/l, but he loves me, I love him and I would do anything to be with him. I recently wrote him and he is very hurt at my disappearance from speaking to him, I dont even think he wants to talk to me anymore. would you continue in a hate relationship with your husband? Or would you go with your heart, and be with the man you hurt each day to be with? I married my husband because I really didn't have a choice, he loves me unconditionally but is a horrible husband. I cant seem to get past how much I can't stand him.
2007-09-08 07:48:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yeah I didn't have a choice, I was 16 and on my own. Back then Social Services wouldnt allow me to be on my own. They were sending me away till 18. The only way out of it was to get married and be seen as an adult. I knew my husban 2 weeks prior to marriage. I also agree it has nothing to do with this other guy, but I feel stuck with my husband, we have a son together. I left him once, and he got me fired at my job and no family to help me, I was then back dependent on him. Anything possible he can do to keep me, he will do.
2007-09-08 08:08:04 · update #1
Actually I don't have that much free time, I am an assistant manager at a local CBRF assisted living facility and attend college in the ADN program part-time until core classes. I have a son, and stay extremely busy. I almost wish I hadn;t mentioned the other guy, because really I want to know is if I should just leave and try this again? I left once and it got horrible, he was still calling daily, watching my apartment from outside and using our son to see me. He calls me everyday at work on my cell at least 4 times. He just wants to see where I am, he even got a job with my company. Same hours and all =/. It would be completley honest if we had a healthy relationship and he knows how I feel about him. I tell him almost everyday in our daily fights. I feel like a crappy person for being so rude but I feel at my wits end. /sigh I just wish he would leave, I would feel so much better about it!!! I even tried hooking him up with someone. She thought I was crazy and he laughed in my face
2007-09-08 08:18:37 · update #2
You married your husband because you 'didn't have a choice?'
How do you not have a choice in who you marry? I had a choice in my marriage!!!!
I think that if you aren't happy in your marriage then you should get out. Whether this internet person is still interested or not is not the issue. You need to do what is right for you!!!!!
2007-09-08 08:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose that what you want to hear is: leave him and go and find this love of your life!"
But, no one can make that decision for you.
Generally speaking, it's never good to leave a relationship to rush right into another.
As you say, you've been corresponding with that man ONLINE. you've never met. So, he could be anybody he wants to be.
It's commandable that you never in this time cheated on your husband, and even tried very hard before contemplating the thought of leaving him.
But, it can't have been that genuine if you had all that baggage: someone waiting for you; the building hatred etc...
So, the best bet is for you to leave to be on your own. Not somebody else's responsibility.
The first time, you said that you had no choice.
However, now you do.
You don't know that online lover. Never spent time with him.
How could you even think of running away with him? to him?
It won't be better.
What you want to be now, is a responsible and free female.
You can be all that even being married. You seem to have enough free time since you manage to entertain a distance relationship for that long.
So, pull yourself together. Give a sense to your life.
If needs be, use your position of forced wife to be to get a job, and make some savings. Even, try and get some qualification!
So, you are unhappy to be with a husband who loves you unconditionnally but is horrible.
It doesn't make sense to me I must say.
Do you mean that he is controlling??
Well, if he loves you unconditionnally, then you must have a huge amount of power over him don't you?
I am not telling you to stay or to go; Just not to leave foolishly and definitely not to leave to run straight into another relationship, with someone you THINK you know.
Good luck.
2007-09-08 08:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been cheating on your husband emotionally for years! I'm sure that this has had a negative effect on your marriage. You are not being fair to your husband when you are obsessing over this guy you have never met. You made a commitment to your husband. Why not break free of this online relationship and seek marriage counseling? Love is not a feeling--love is an action. Start loving your husband as you would want to be loved. You may be surprised at how your feelings will follow.
2007-09-08 08:11:41 · answer #3 · answered by tea4twoholiday 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i really dont understand how a man you never met loves you and you love him. you two dont share a life together, never met in person to see what it feels like to be around eachother, its the same thing as having a blind date, you talk to someone for weeks on the phone and its good but when you meet them there isnt anything. with 30 i would assume you have enough common sense to know that.
2007-09-08 08:14:35 · answer #4 · answered by not this way 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to, while young and can make a life, get OUT of this situation...really. Too bad you can't move away as this guy will forever be in your face...same thing happened to me, yrs ago, & I was able to move out of state, I had no kids. BUT to live one day in your situation is too long...BUT I would want you to spend time learning,finding,knowing yourself BEFORE committing to another man. This man is your soft cushion to fall on...he answers a need inside you, at this time, saying just the right things, giving your heart something to feed upon BUT PLEASE don't jump to another relationship. I did, & years later, know how wrong it was.I hope you can get out on your own...he's using that baby.If you want to email me studebakers496@yahoo.com. Name: Laverne. lots o luck......& hugs
2007-09-08 09:56:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been Divorced for 4 years now and the Army was the fault of my divorce if you have been miserable for that past how many years? You need to think about yourself, unless of course there are kids involved and on how mature he can be about the hole thing. Good-luck
2007-09-08 08:02:02 · answer #6 · answered by The Fit factory Dude 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your married life is that terrible, then I think it's best if you end it. But not to jump into another one that might be just as bad, especially if you have NEVER met in person with your on-line "friend".
2007-09-08 08:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by M. J. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would make peace with myself first--then worry about a relationship with someone else later..you have never really met the man and dont really know what it would be like to "be" with him...you really need to take time for yourself
2007-09-08 07:58:11 · answer #8 · answered by Mindy S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should go with the one you are in love with, especially if your husband is horrible.
2007-09-08 07:55:49 · answer #9 · answered by mdixon1975 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is abusive, seperate from him first, and only then when you are single start seeing this other guy.
2007-09-08 08:14:17 · answer #10 · answered by terliuke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋