ok i had to quickly make it up right now but my teacher is really harsh on criticism
does this sound like an ok poem
"Soccer"
i get out there and practice everyday
almost as if i were getting a pay
i love that adrenaline rush feeling
almost as much as i love winning.
tell me what you think
2007-09-08 07:46:04 · 6 answers · asked by Autum 5 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Love the slant rhyme at the end (slant rhyme is a very advanced technique used either to make the poem less sing-songy or to make the reader uncomfortable. It's awesome that you're attempting it so early in poetry writing). But I'm not crazy about it otherwise. It just seems a little awkward. Keep practicing, really great poetry will come eventually. It's really good for just quickly writing a poem though. You have potential!!!
2007-09-08 09:06:58 · answer #1 · answered by snakegrrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I get out and practice everday
you would think I was getting pay
I love that adrenaline rush spinning
just as much as I love winning
2007-09-08 09:11:40 · answer #2 · answered by yancychipper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I practice the game every day,
It's my passion, it's my pay,
My body responds, my head is spinning,
Whether I'm losing or whether I'm winning.
2007-09-08 11:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds great if u just made it up!!! if she has sumthing 2 say about it then...uhh good luck
2007-09-08 07:49:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it, if u have time make it longer or edit what u have =)
2007-09-08 07:54:49 · answer #5 · answered by elementamigo92 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok if you are in middle school. hopefully you are and i didn't offend you.
2007-09-08 08:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by wishing4more 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋