I broke up with my girlfriend last night. It is a long story, but basically she told me after being together for about 4 months , and after we just got intimate, she tells me she had had sex with over 50 guys before me. I can't live with that. I kept a low profile for about two weeks, then felt like the manly thing to do is to just break it off...let her find someone more open to that, and I could find someone more compatible with me.
She was the first girl I ever loved ( I am 26)..and she says I was her first love. She told me this info on her own...I would never ask it. Knowing she was promiscuous changed my feelings..it made me fall our of love.I see no future with hernow.
In the last 20 hours or so, she keeps leaving messages on my phone, saying she is going to hurt herself, and a bunch of crazy things. I am staying at a bud's house, because she won't leave me alone. I am worried she might hurt herself..should I call the police/other?
2007-09-08 07:24:54 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
for you that say I am too "judgemental"...this is an important subject to me. I had a strict religious upbringing, and cannot see having a family with someone with such morals. I took two weeks to think about this, because I do have feelings for her. Sex is an addiction. I seriously thought she would be the one I would have a family with..she met my parents and everything. I just don't think it would be fair to my future family either, to put the family at risk by marrying someone who would probably have an extramarital affair. Addictions are there forever...and i have no doubt she would have to be with someone else, no matter how much she loved me. Would you trust a former heroin addict to never fall off the wagon if you were in a relationship with them? What kind of relationship would we have if I could not trust her?
2007-09-08 07:25:44 · update #1
and for those who are going to ask...I have been intimate with other women before Megan...I can count these ex-girlfriends on one hand.
2007-09-08 07:29:18 · update #2
to PHIL S-
I do not appreciate the Jesus (crap) comment. Many of us (including me) try to live our life applying knowledge we have taken from his teachings. Saying that I respect all religions..and I would never make such an inconsiderate comment on any of them, though I might have different beliefs.
2007-09-08 07:45:26 · update #3
You did exactly what you need to do!
You know what you wanted and did it!
She is trying to guilt you into staying with her. That doesn't ever work. If she has friends call them and let them know of her threats. If she doesn't have friends or relatives and you really feel she might hand it over to the police.
But let this be the last thing you do for or with her. Don't drag it out.
P.S. The sex was her way of trying to control you! It didn't mean anything to her. You just one of many.
2007-09-08 07:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by Bishop 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
It is a real tough situation. You put a good example about the heroin addiction but isn't it possible for someone to change if they were motivated by a great souce, in this case love? If you guys had something really good I would at least think about it. How long has it been since she had that type of life style. Is she a sex addict or are you assuming so because of all the intimate relationships she had in the past?
In the time that you two were together, has she ever giving you any doubt that she may be cheating on you? If you don't have any other source then what she told you, no other details to back it up and say she hasn't changed then I wouldn't jump to conclusions. I was brought up with strong morals too, people make mistakes, but people learn. She might of done this in her younger years, doing what a lot of people is the thing to do. I'm not saying it's right, I totally agree with you there but if you had no reason to doubt her before she told you this I would reconsider. The good thing and also bad thing is that she told you. Would you of rather known or not known? I'm sure it was hard enough for her to approach you with that. Perhaps she had a guilty feeling inside of her being that she had done that in the past and regrets it now because she met the man she loves?
It's something to think about. Big thing is, did she ever give you doubt until the day she revealed this to you.
Best wishes
2007-09-08 07:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by artsygal_cc86 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I praise you on your love of God and your devotion to him. There are too few young people out there today who try to live their lives according to the Lord's way. As for the girlfriend. Do you truly believe that she was with 50 guys before you? That is more than four or five women have in their entire lifetime. You should understand that 4 months is not a long time being in a commited relationship. You need to find someone who is more compatiable with you and shares your interests. If you did stay or go back with her and ended up marrying her and having kids you may one day grown to resent her and to never be able to trust her. Not a good thing at all. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. When you broke up with her were you honest with her and told her the truth why you no longer felt she was the one for you? Honesty is always the best policy, it may hurt her feelings, but she at least will know why. Someone threatening to hurt themselves is not healthy at all. If you are truly worried that she may do something I would call someone close to her and see if they can offer some solice to her. If not, you may want to have the police just check in on her for safety's sake.
You are a kind and caring person. Even after a break-up you are concerned about the other person. You are wise enough to know what you are looking for in a life partner. God Bless You and Good Luck!!! When you are not looking that person will pop up right in front of you!!! Have faith!!
2007-09-08 08:46:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Right now your ex-girlfriend is feeling emotionally overwhelmed by rejection but in time she will learn to accept the fact that the two of you can no longer remain a couple. Only then will she have the strength and courage to move on and connect with someone else. In the meanwhile, please continue to avoid contact with this person as much as possible and stay close to friends and relatives just in case this lady becomes out of control with you.
I wish both you and your ex the very best in your future relationships but I respect the wisdom you've shown by moving away from someone who you find incompatible - no matter what the reason. You have the freedom of personal choice and you don't have to be guided by the opinions of anyone other than your own.
2007-09-08 07:44:08 · answer #4 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Send her an email or text or you know how you can leave a message through your voice message but not actually call her phone and tell her to chill, that you are going to change your number or block her calls and that you are going to call the police and advise them that she's making threats to cause herself physical harm. That is commit-able behaviors or at least worthy of a mental health assessment. If there is a friend or family member that you were cool with, let them know what is going on and what you intend to do if she continues.
2007-09-08 07:44:04 · answer #5 · answered by That NC Girl 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If she chooses to harm herself, that's her choice. It's her way of forcing contact that you don't want right now.
So what she had sex prior to you, and so what about your strict religious background. Why was she so promiscuous? Was it her way of finding love that she didn't have at home? You should in the least consider that she may not have had the support and love you had in your home. I'm pretty sure in some scriptures somewhere, love yourself and thy neighbor as thy love god ,right? You don't have to love her past but did you love the person in your relationship?
Tell her you need space to clear your mind and think about your next move. If she tries to harm you- by all means, involve the police.
2007-09-08 07:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can you live with a chick who had sex with 15 guys ......... or 7 guys .......... or 4 guys ? By all means find someone more compatible with yourself but don't be so judgemental. If you're looking for a 26 yr old virgin, remember to tell her that you're not.
As for the crazy messages, turn your phone off for a couple of days.
2007-09-08 07:45:59 · answer #7 · answered by MickyB 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should not feel bad at all. She knew that her past would catch up with her someday. And yes, it is a complete turn off to know that "your" others "goods" have been minulated by so many other people. Kinda makes you feel dirty. In over 50 incounters HOW many things could she have done and how open is she really.
Has nothing to do with judgemental. Has to do with respect. And you cannot respect someone who does not respect themselves. Goes for men to. Only chicks that have their own dirty deeds want guys who have been with multiple women. Makes them feel a little better about themselves.
You need to text message her back. And tell her that you are sorry but with the knowledge of her past you just cant respect her like you need to. And you are looking for someone to commit to. And because of her past, it can not be her. Tell her you are sorry if she is hurt, but so are you. And it would be best if she left you alone. Then tell her " Please do not force me to get a restraining order."
She should get the point. Good Man.
Notice I said Man.
2007-09-08 07:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by August 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Religion has screwed you up big time, and cheated you out of a relationship with a girl you love and a girl who loves you. She doesnt realize it now, but she's better off without you.
Sex is natural. To call it an addiction is like calling breathing or eating an addiction. How sad that youve been brainwashed into thinking its somehow wrong.
You commented on her "morals". Real morality is about compassion. Sexual repression is just part of the false morality that christianity teaches.
She's better off without you. Im sorry she is suffering; it hurts to break up. But over time, she will realize you did her a favor.
Yes, call the police so she cant hurt herself.
So, what percentage of those 50 guys do you figure were better in bed than you? Is that what the really issue is? Or is it really about all the jesus crap?
2007-09-08 07:31:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 5⤋
You probably did the right thing by ditching that girl. 50 GUYS!?!?! That goes beyond promiscuous and into disgusting. Don't take her self-mutilation threats seriously, she is most likely bluffing. Be proud of yourself for holding to your standards. A girl like that only causes trouble. If after a week, she is still harrassing you, threaten a restraining order and alert the authorities to her threats. She will stop eventually when she realizes you are serious.
2007-09-08 07:35:59 · answer #10 · answered by Elle 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋