How is this for a novel opening?

Question

Rage.
It consumed him.
It coursed through his veins like a drug, forcing him onwards.
A force intangible yet unrelenting.
Through the trees and bushes he ran, thorns and briers ripping at his skin.
The cool night air whipped through him, but couldn’t cool the burning pain.
This was not the pain of the flesh wounds, they were insignificant, this was immense; the fire inside him, driving him insane, keeping him in a state of perpetual agony. To him this torture would never end, but would have to be released somehow, or at least passed on to someone else. At this point only he mattered. There was only him and the pain. Any soul in his way would face naught but paroxysms of rage.
He clumsily sprinted on, not yet knowing where each foot should land, or when.
A hunger was growing inside him which could not be ignored.
It started to rain but he kept running, the droplets steaming off his burning back, he kept running, he didn’t know where or why, but he kept running.

Instinct had taken over and it seemed as if his nose was leading the way.
He no longer saw as he used to. Image was black and white, but smells and sounds overlaid it with vivid streams of bright colour.
As he raced through the woodlands he felt detached from his actions, as if watching from a different perspective. He didn’t know what he was doing, he only knew that he was doing it.
He surged through to the edge of the forest, panting and out of breath, but he continued on, as many had done before him, through instinct alone, over the rocky ground until he reached the edge of a great cliff.
Here, finally, the rage allowed him to stop.
He paused for a few moments, regained his breath, then tilted his head towards the heavens and gazed at the great lunar orb that he now hated and feared.
And then, for some primordial reason completely unknown to himself, in a final phenomenal release of agony and extacy……he howled!

Answer 1

The content is fine. However you are seriously in need of the services of a very patient editor. You write run on sentences that just don't seem to stop!

This was not the pain of the flesh wounds, they were insignificant, this was immense; the fire inside him, driving him insane, keeping him in a state of perpetual agony. To him this torture would never end, but would have to be released somehow, or at least passed on to someone else.

That is at least three, possibly four sentences.

Then you immediately contract yourself. You talk about this pain having to be passed on to someone else, then you say only he matters. I would cut that sentence or at least change it. It seems to me what matters is finding someone to pass this on to - at least that is what you tell your reader in the previous sentence.

There are other long and awkward sentences that need revising.

But most importantly, I want to show you where you absolutely blew this whole mood you were trying to set. You ended it with an exclamation point. And right there, you took all your drama and turned it into almost a joke. You lost all your dramatic tension with one misplaced exclamation point. Honestly, I laughed when he howled. Was I supposed to? Or was I supposed to be terrified and anxious to read on?

If you wanted to maintain the level of tension you established, you should have ended that sentence something like this ...

And then, for some primordial reason completely unknown to himself, in a final phenomenal release of agony and ecstasy, he clenched his fists, looked to the heavens and let out a tormented and primal howl.

See how that holds the tension better than the He howled! ??

Hope that helps. Keep writing - watch those run on sentences and try to avoid passive tense like "was growing" much stronger if you just used grew. Pax- C

Answer 2

First of all, very captivating opening. Makes you wonder why he's angry, wonder why he's running, until you realize in a kind of light-bulby way -- he's a werewolf!
Well, on one hand, it's cliched. Phrases like "couldn't cool the burning pain", and "there was only him and the pain" kind of make you want to roll your eyes. No offence intended. So, find a way to express what you want to say in an original way.
But on the other it's very well-written, suspenseful, and I really do want to read on! I hope it's a love story. I'm a sucker for that kind of love story.
So I hope you write on, and I hope I can read on. And good luck -- hope the rest of the story's as good as this. Or possibly even better!

Answer 3

Great interpretation of a transformation of a werewolf. What book is it from? I got the impression of an animal after the first two sentences.
Spartawo...

Answer 4

I like it. If the rest of the novel has a good story to it, it would be a book I would gladly read. I like reading about werewolves, vampires, magic, dragons..... you name it.
Keep up the good work!
P.S- you do seem to ramble about his running... cut it a little> just a little.

Answer 5

That is very good, the only thing I might suggest is more description of the land around him, but otherwise great!

Answer 6

That. Was. Really. Good. You're an amazing writer.

Answer 7

Wow that's really good!!!! A couple of wc things here and there, but otherwise quite awesome! [:

Answer 8

it's pretty good, but you'd be really lucky to find someone who'd publish it. it's VERY hard to get styled writing published

Answer 9

Good not my type of reading but still good..

Answer 10

Good, but it's briars, not briers, and ecstasy, not extasy.