When we are the one who chose our partner or spouse, why do we blame them if it doesn't work out?

Answer 1

I believe that we are totally responsible for our own choices in life. To take time to blame another for the direction our life is going or the path we took or are taking is, well... giving up one's power to affect their own life.

If I blamed others for events or situations in my life, I might as well say "I cannot control anything in my life. I am helpless to cause a change for myself in a bad situation. I am a victim."

Why does someone need to be blamed? It is what it is.

Hypothetical situation:

Matt and Kim get a divorce.
Observer 1 remarks "Kim is to blame for calling it quits for not trying to work it out", while Observer 2 remarks, "Kim is to be congradulated for not continuing on in an unhealthy marraige"

My point is, you can see the situation from a negative viewpoint of "look what was done TO me that was not any of my fault." Or you can say, "look what is being done by my spouse. I do not need to change the script of our marraige and accept the unnacceptable." One is a victim and the other is grounded with a purpose and vision for their life.

Answer 2

Excellent question!

That's the question everyone should ask, when they feel trapped in a relationship and constantly fighting and making eachother miserable.

I've been asking that question for years. I'm always advising people that it's not your partner's problem. It's yours! If you're the one that got into that relationship and things are not working out, just move on. You will eventually find the person who is right for you. The longer it takes, the easier it gets, because you're older and wiser and that's when you know exactly what you want! Oh and it's worth the wait!

You don't have to ask that question. All you should do is give your advise, because you're smart and because it's true!

Answer 3

We need to look at ourselves first to alot of inner searching and if you cannot find anything about you that could drive that person to what they have done then it might be that it is the other persons fault. However I think that placing the blaim in a relationship is the absolute wrong thing to do if you are married you work threw it together whatever it may be never point the finger because you will have 3 pointing back at you.

Answer 4

Really for a relationship to work, things should be fifty/fifty. Both people should be putting in the same amount of work/love, so if things hit a snag, it shouldn't resort to pointing fingers about who did what wrong.

But some people don't want to take the blame for things working out, so their ex-partner/spouse become their scapegoat.

It's easier to tell others "We didn't work out because HE had commitment issues..." rather than tell people "I pushed him and pushed him to marry me after only 5 months, so he dumped me." Or whatever the excuse.

Answer 5

You're right. There are alot of warning signs that people choose to ignore prior to marriage. Then when those things drive their partner nuts, they blame the spouse. Alot of marital infidelities could be avoided if the woman would have taken heed to some of the premarital warning signs. Although, I will say that there can be some surprises (without signs) prior to marriage; weight gain, children pressures, finances, some infidelity.

Answer 6

Thats a very good point. I just think its easier to blame the other person. Usually both people are at fault. Sometimes when I've broken up with boyfriends I blamed myself, but not often.

Answer 7

Because some times the easiest thing to do, is deny responsibility and place the blame on the vicitim, instead of admiting one's own fault. Some times it is the girl's fault.
But I find that the fault line is often 50/50.

Answer 8

good point. in theory. in reality all the failed marriages I have seen the blame is usually on both partners. i suppose you blame the other person for not delivering what was initially promised. and don't forget; people change. you marry upon on what was then and after the person changes.

Answer 9

We blame the other because we refuse to accept the reponsibility ourselves (at least part of it). Most breakups have something to do with communication problems like unmet expectations etc.

People just don't know how to talk to each other, anymore.

Answer 10

because it's easier to point the finger at someone else than to realize that we are as much responsible for the failure of our marriage.

i think it also has to so with acceptance. if you blame it on your spouse, people will generally be more compassionate with you rather than if you say it was your fault.