I need some advice on visitation?

Question

ok..I'm getting divorced...I get to see my kids every other weekend and 2 hours at night on Thursday...

my ex signed my little boy up for swimming and it takes up 4 nights a week...

my dilimma is I would like to spend my time taking our kids out to dinner and interacting w/ them..on Thursday...my ex wants me to take him to swimming practice on Thursday (w/ my little girl) and drop him off afterwards....

should I go along w/ it? Am I being selfish to even consider not doing it? It's not that I have a problem w/ it per se...it's just I'd rather spend that time actually talking to him rather than just looking at him swim laps...w/ my daughter bored to tears there as well...

Help! She made these plans w/o even consulting me....and just wants me to "go along with it" for the kid's sakes...

I don't know if she's just trying to put the screws to me or not...

What about it?

Yes...he enjoys swimming...but some nights...he just doesn't want to go....so...I'd have to say on the nights he doesn't want to go...he's just be tired...not that he doesn't like doing it...
I don 't know...maybe I should take him...sheesh...what to do....

btw...No I'm not lucky to have this person as an ex...she ran off w/ the children for a whole month and didn't tell me at all...I didn't see my kids for a whole month...I've had to have the lawyer tell the woman she can't act that way...only then have I been able to even see the children...biatch

Answer 1

Well, I don't know the ex, so I have to assume she just felt this was a good thing for the child. Ask your son if he likes swimming.

Make sure the ex knows that from now on you will not honor a unilateral decision if it interferes with your few hours every week. For now, you're kind of stuck teaching him to honor his obligations. As long as he made the choice to do this.

You can ask to have your visitation modified to where you have the kids on an equal time shared basis with the ex. The kids could stay with you on an every other week or every two weeks or every other month basis. You can ask them what they want.

My ex husband got twisted over Religious Ed. They all went for First Communion and then again for Confirmation. If it fell on is weekend --he could leave them with me if he didn't want to take them, or take them and make sure they made it to Religious Ed.

There are going to be times and activities that cut into your allotted space.

I highly recommend you ask for shared parenting. That way, at least you have them before and after activities, and sometimes during. Then you could ask the boy if he wants to be dropped off at swimming while you take sis for some one on one. It's your call.

Answer 2

Prouddady, sounds like you are lucky in a way to have an ex that is at least looking out for the kids best interest. Why not try and negotiate so they you and her both take turns on Thursdays with the swimming lessons. If she won't play then you do the right thing and go and support your boy as he learns how to prepare for the 2016 Olympics. Don't worry to much about how fair it appears to you but rather consider the fairness to the kids. Best of luck.

Answer 3

If there is anyway that you could take the kids on Thursday night, as a peace offering and to spend time with them even though they are engaged in swim activities, and also get another night in addition to every other weekend, I would look into it. My mother did that to my father on Sundays.

We went to church and my dad had to pick us up after church. When he started pulling us from church, my mother realized that it wasn't a good idea.

I wouldn't suggest that for you, to pull your kids out of their activity, unless the kids have already complained to Mom that they don't like it and would rather spend Thursday night with you.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

If your little guy likes swimming, I'd just go along with it. I'd bring a game or something to entertain your daughter. I'd also insist that you get to take the kids out to dinner after swimming practice.

Answer 5

Yes, she is just trying to put the screws to you. Since it is your time with them, then she had no right to schedule the manner in how you would be with them would be spent. How would she like it if you signed them up for some activity during the time she was with them, then told her that she had to take them to it or do whatever else was required concerning it? And the biggest way she is screwing you over is that the time you get to spend with them is extremely limited, especially compared to what she has. So when she interrupts that time with plans of her own, then she is taking away a lot.

If you refuse to take him now, then you might appear the bad guy in your son's eyes, especially if he had his heart set on going swimming. So perhaps you should relent this time. But you should let your ex know that she needs to consult with you about scheduling the kids' time when they are going to be with you, and that both of you need to come to an agreement or else it isn't going to happen. Then, you need to tell the kids the same thing, so that they'll know if your ex didn't bother to include you then it isn't going to be happening. And you should let them know that this one time is a special case.

If you don't nip this in the bud, then who knows what she will schedule next, especially if she can have it done during your time with them so that it doesn't interfere with her time with them.


Additional: My parents got divorced when I was five and I constantly saw my dad getting screwed over by my mother concerning the time he was allowed to spend with us. She'd schedule all sorts of things purposefully to occur during his time, things that we could have done during another time, and sometimes activities we didn't even want to do at all.

Answer 6

Given your limited interaction, ask her if you can alternate. One week, you would take him on Thursday and go to swim practice and the following week, you take him on a night that he does not have swimming. On swim night, the kids should eat first and then maybe go out for a snack. I think this is a reasonable compromise.

Answer 7

Frikin b*tch!!!!!

That's your time she's infringed upon and knows d_____ well it interferes with your precious time with your kids!!!

Unfortunately, she's beat you to the punch ,and in the best interest of the kids, you really have to go along and take them to swim practice.

However, guess what? Time for to fight fire with fire! Start thinking about what other interest the kids will need after swimming finishes up. Ask the kids their other interests and YOU enroll them in the program and give a d ____ about your b*tch x wife's busy schedule! Make sure the drive is excessive for her, so she can better bond with the kids on the drive over and upon picking them up:)

Best of luck to you, I truly feel for you!!!

Answer 8

My role was reversed with my ex and our daughters.

Prior to our separation and divorce I was involved in Girl Scouts with her first child (my step daughter.)
We then had three more girls and I was involved with all of them in Girl Scouts.

Then divorce hit.

I continued in Girl Scouts with them (my ex never applied herself at all with any of the girls while in Girl Scouts) for many years.

My visitation was every Tuesday evening, and every other weekend.

However Girl Scouts for one daughter was Monday evening, another Tuesday evening and the other Thursday evening. I had my visitation modified to allow for me to have the girls on each of those nights... :)

Then they became a little older and Girl Scout participation grew a bit more and included almost every weekend.

So I saw them more or less all the time.

My advice to you is to become involved in swimming with your little one, because I know my girls really wished their mother was more involved in Girl Scouts.

It's busy, it's hectic, but in my case I ran that routine as often as possible and over the course of about six years, I only had three Girl Scout meetings (with the girls) that I couldn't attend.

Not to blow my own horn too soon, but my 13, 15 & 17 year old daughters literally despise their mother for many various reasons, but mostly because she doesn't participate in their daily lives.

Not bad for a non-custodial parent... Me... But I've always done what I could and then some.

It's paid off huge in the long run.

God bless and good luck!

Answer 9

You AND your children need MUCH more personal time together than that in my opinion.

You are right and are to be commended for wanting more quality time with your children and should do whatever you have to do whether its talking to her about it and if she does'nt agree I would simply tell her that I was going to check into having a new hearing scheduled.

Answer 10

Depends on if he really enjoys and wants to go swimming. If so, then enjoy being with him while he does something he loves. If he doesn't.. well that's another story.