It's my 40th birthday and my wife asked me what I wanted to do. I said I needed to get some gardening done but would like she and my son to be in the garden with me. My wife would not come outside because she said it was too hot and my son (because mum was inside) did not stay for long. This made me upset as I did the gardening by myself as mum played her laptop games indoors and son joined her. Is it selfish of me to expect my wife to put herself out on my birthday? She is not happy in the heat (or outdoors in general). Still I hoped she'd join me. Please advise.
2007-09-08 04:21:35 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did tell my wife I was disappointed. In fact I told her it was the worst birthday ever and that my birthday surprise was "rubbish". You can guess where we are now...
2007-09-08 04:36:26 · update #1
I put paddling pool out for our son and hoped my wife would play with son while I pottered and played too. Instead its become the worst birthday ever and wife is teling me how selfish and rubbish I am because I was upset that my 40th wish was spent alone.
2007-09-08 04:49:42 · update #2
No, you're not being selfish. Just talk to her. Say what you have said in this question. Say you understand she doesn't like the heat but would she be able to spend time with me in the garden? A little communication and compromise.
2007-09-08 04:27:39 · answer #1 · answered by azaa 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Happy Birthday - isn't 40 just great? I suspect, like others here, that your wife was a teeny bit disappointed that you chose to garden on your birthday. However, I believe that she could have made the effort - even if you had all gone to B and Q and bought garden furniture and then the bookstore for a book for her - well, it would have made it her birthday then....anyway, the point is I am on your side on this one. She should have braved the heat for the day - jumped about like a mad thing in the paddling pool and splashed you too to get her own back! Don't dwell on it - its all too trivial in the end. Get your birthday naughties!
2007-09-08 17:29:44 · answer #2 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not selfish, personally, I live in Florida and I HATE to go outside in the summer, but she didn't/wouldn't just go out for a couple hours, even if your request was to actually help w/the gardening, she should've, I think she was selfish for denying such a simple request. BUT, you need to let it go, yeah, you're disappointed, but is it worth your family-life. I'm sure there have been and will be other equal or more disappointing times in your life, don't let this one birthday be it, afterall, as my mother always says when I or someone else has a bad birthday/Valentine's Day, "Don't get upset, it's just another Hallmark day."
2007-09-08 13:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're selfish because she asked what YOU wanted to do for your birthday and you expressed what your desire was. How fun that is as a bday celebration.... well, that's another story but to each their own. I think that if she couldn't stand being outdoors for a long time she could have spent short whiles with you and then go back inside to prepare and bring a lemonade for you, whatever..... just something that showed she was paying attention to you and willing to spend time together. Maybe it wasn't the kind of celebration she was expecting to have with you, but she will get to choose when it'll be HER b-day. Today it was yours so if it had been me I would have made a little effort to please my partner.
I think you should just let her know sometime (calmly) that you were disappointed for not getting what you were offered for your b-day... hopefully she'll make it up to you. Have a nice day....
2007-09-08 11:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lprod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are selfish i think it was fairly reasonable, still if it is too hot for her then there is not really anything you can do except enjoy the peace you will get and enjoy the gardening on your own.
If it meant that much to you, I'm sure if you tell your wife you were very disappointed then she will understand and maybe make more of an effort next time :)
2007-09-08 11:28:32 · answer #5 · answered by nonoodles74 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im a spoilt woman well i wish i was i have 3 kids and as parent s were always doing things for others our birthday is the one special day we shoul dgive a little ..sorry the partners i mean i think it was rotten of your wife even if she didnt like the heat she could have sat in the shade or played in the paddling pool , its not like you asked for a 3 some or something like lots of guys that age might...im sorry your having a hard time....and you r not selfish , many of us have a great way fo reflecting the fault in an argument back to the other if we feel guilty like they might have a point i think its a rubbish excuse i mean you could have asked for all sorts of expensive stuff or something much more physically taxing .
2007-09-08 19:21:33 · answer #6 · answered by britchick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish at all. it sounds like your wife needs to get off her high horse and realize it's not always about her..... and your son needs to let go of mommy's coat tail. It was your birthday..... 40th at that and all you asked for is for them to spend sometime out helping you in the garden.... what you like to do.
She should be happy that at 40 you haven't started going thru a mid life crisis and ran out and brought a 200,000 car that you can't afford and got yourself a 20 year old mistress.
Marriage is about compromise. Sometimes you have to do things you hate for the sake of your other half. If it makes them happy and it's their birthday for christ sakes you should be able to grin and bare it for a few hours. I have been married for 5 years and been with my husband for 8. Do you have any idea how many WWE events I have been dragged to, or how many nights I have been asked to watch Raw or SmackDown or play him in the viedo game. Or how many WWE pay per view events i have hosted at my house for him and his friends............. And I hate wrestling. But it makes him happy so i don't mind. The same way he hates Tyler Perry plays and sentimental movies, but has grinned and bared it over the years for me.
Your wife needs to step her game up...... Or somebody else will love to be in that garden, planting picking and watering right by your side.
2007-09-08 11:40:41 · answer #7 · answered by thick & beautiful 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She was probably hoping for a family day out together as the gardening is an every day event and she really hates the out doors any way ,she may have liked you and the family to do some thing special on your birthday. And she didn't`t really push the issue because it was your birthday
You need to ask your self ---- is the garden or family more important to you.
And some times it pays to read between the lines
2007-09-08 11:33:31 · answer #8 · answered by kevinmccleanblack 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I love being in the garden. That's who I am. I love to create art to put in my garden, because that's my talent. It's fair enough to say that your wife does not share your interest, and your expectation of her to enjoy it, is somewhat selfish- birthday or not. I do not share my husband's affination for electronics, but it is his passion and talent. He doesn't share my passion for gardening either. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me, or doesn't care about me. It just means we are different that way. We connect other ways. May I suggest you and your wife try other activities together to bond with? Maybe you haven't discovered an activity (outisde of sex) yet that you both share a passion for?
We do love to visit wineries and taste the new crops together and learn about wine making and tasting together. We also love ballroom dancing! (I know weird!) We like to watch discovery channel together and muse on the subjects we've watched.
Don't take it too hard or personally, gardening is not her thing.
2007-09-08 11:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my personal opinion, you should take her lack of enjoyment of the heat into consideration. After all, you both have lived together for how many years, and you expect her to make herself uncomfortable? Shame on you. Of course, in your defense, she could have sat in the shade (if there is any) but that's a cop-out excuse, truth be told.
Do your gardening alone and if you want to spend time with your wife & son, do so after you are done in an atmosphere where all 3 of you are happy & comfortable.
2007-09-08 11:37:41 · answer #10 · answered by Paul L 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being selfish. Wish it had turned out differently for you and Happy 40th! She could have at least gone out with you briefly as she knows you get great joy from the gardening.
2007-09-08 11:34:54 · answer #11 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋