My husband has feelings for another women?

Question

We dated 2 years and married 1 year.i work in the morning come home clean,cook everything and im taking care of his daughter like mine,he always tells me how happy he is with me because im understanding,beautiful,caring all those things.i always let him do everything he wants go out with friends because i trusted him he never does anything that makes me doupt about something,then 2 days ago we had a little fight something that we dont do,fighting screeming at each other we dont nomally do that because i respect him,so he did not talk to me for2 days,and then at night he said he want to confess something,he has feelings for a waitress in his bar since the day she started but he was all the time trying to fight that but he cant so he needs my help,he does not imagine his life without me he loves me and he wants to spend his life with me,i love him very much and i trusted him with all my heart,and even with these feelings he has for her he never change,does he really love me

Answer 1

Babes... Sometimes in life, love can be tested. Your husband knows if he loses you, he loses the best thing that ever happened to him. This "crush" he has on this other woman, is something that only he opened himself up to. Regardless of how it happened he should have had respect for you as his wife not to let this woman affect him to the point of having "feelings". Trust is a hard thing to lose, now you will wonder where and what he is doing every minute he is away. Is it repairable, sure, if he is willing. Yes it is true it takes two. Sadly the ball is in his court, he has to choose. My honest opinion is that if he truly loved you he never would have let it happen. If a married man turns his heart as easily as his head, every time a woman comes along, he is weak and shouldn't be married. Women are everywhere!!! Don't let him get the best of you, keep a little for yourself.

Answer 2

He is an honest man. He is telling you even though nothing has happened because he loves you and respects you.
Explain to him that he is only normal to like someone else, but now that he has admitted it, you want him to stay away from her. Tell him you will trust him if he says he will not do anything, and tell him if he wants you to introduce yourself to this woman so that she knows not to try anything on, then you will. Make sure he knows how supportive you are and that you are proud of him for being so honest. He has not done anything wrong so don't punish him. Show him what he would be missing if he did do anything, cos you would leave him, get yourself tarted up a bit, and show him what fun you two can still have, and he will soon forget this other woman.
And yes he loves you very much, that is why he cannot keep his feelings from you, and my husband is the same, and I trust him more than anyone else in the world, and I allways support him. He allways tells me if any women have been flirting with him and if he ahs had any "offers"too, and even if he thinks they are atttractive he allways tells me that he only wants me and he tells them that too.

Answer 3

Why is he telling you about it? His 'crush' is HIS problem. What does he want? Your approval? Or does he just want to upset you? I think it's the latter because for once you had a row with him. He sounds like a spoilt brat what with the 2 days of not speaking to you. I despise these people who dump their guilt onto the innocent party and try and convince themselves they are 'doing the right thing'. What a weakling. Well, he HAS dumped it on you whether you like it or not so it's up to you what happens next. What do YOU want? Do you want to stay with this weak and selfish man? If you do then he must immediately stop seeing this woman. He shouldn't be going out with his friends to bars without you anyway so make sure you are with him on any future outing. This guy owes you a lot of grovelling if he wants to keep you. Oh yes, and when he tries to make out that it's all your fault (which he surely will because you've had the temerity to call his bluff), tell him to go and boil his head. He's lost your trust now so it's up to him to win it back. Good luck and don't stand any nonsense from him.

Answer 4

Well, it's difficult to say really.
On the one hand, he chose to share something very important but hurtful with you. The question is why?
What does he hope to achieve by doing so?
For you to be understanding? of What???
I mean if you have feelings for someone and no inclination to act on it, then what's the point in hurting you unecessarily.
On the other hand he may just be one of those people who believe in sharing everything.
I guess you should ask him what he expects from you.
Hopefully nothing will come of it and he will in time realize that there is no point in sharing every single thought with the person we love. That sometimes it's best to keep a few things to ourselves, unless we fear that something may happen.
But, I am hoping that should he ask you to accept anything that wasn't part of the marriage deal, you'll tell him to get lost!
Good luck.

Answer 5

He loves you, but you also have to start loving yourself. Make him share the cleaning and cooking responsibilities. You don't have to carry the whole household work on your own. His daughter should be helping you as well. She is not a baby that needs a constant pampers change. Do not worry about that waitress or whatever she is, other than the amount of quarters your husband throws on her bar stand after few drinks/

Answer 6

Oh Hun, I am sorry you are going through that. I know that causes lots of pain. I have gone through that myself, but he acted on it. I do also know that having a man who "lust" with his heart is just as bad. It is good that he did come to you and tell you what he was feeling. Somebody else did say marriage counseling and that can help the two of you. First of all he needs to stop going to that bar. Going there is not going to help him or you for that matter. I know that there are men who would kill for a wife/GF like you. You are helping take care of a child that is not yours and lots of people would not do that and you did not nag him when he went out. I think he does love you, but right now he is just going through a tough time. Please see if you can get some help. I wish you all the best. Good luck to you babe!

Answer 7

He needs to remove himself from circumstances that are going to tempt him. It's easy to see how this happened. He sees her in a casual relaxed atmosphere where he's drinking alcohol. I'm sure she is friendly to him. (it's part of her job.)
If you were put in a similar situation, you might develop a crush on a guy as well.
It's good that he recognized this. It's even better that he told you. (Never throw it in his face.)
He needs to not go to that bar anymore. It poses too much temptation & risk.
Normally I'm not one to say prove to him why he loves you, but in this case I would. Plan a special night for just the 2 of you. Something fun. Something adult.
He really doesn't know this other woman. And that's part of the appeal. He can imagine her to be whatever he wants. At work she is probably fun & flirty & nice. But after hours, she is just like the rest of us. Raising kids, cleaning the house paying bills.
Unfortunately we can get lost in that second role. And it becomes boring. For us and our spouse.
that's why it's important for the 2 of you to always make time for the 2 of you as a couple.
This is just a small problem in many that married couples face. It looks like you are already on the right track to fixing it.
Good luck.

Answer 8

yes he loves you and the argument was a pressure valve for his pent up feelings. he needs to get away from this woman but also understand that we all find other people attractive but a marriage is a commitment aand a vow to stay faithful for more reasons than attraction. don't blame yourself. be proud that you are such a good friend and partner that he told you and has made it clear he will stay. try getting on the waiting list for some councelling with Relate..there may be resentments between you that you don't talk about that need airing. good luck and hold on to yourself..no matter what happens you'll be ok

Answer 9

He has to stop all contact with her. 'his' bar? If he's the owner then he let her go and hire someone else, if he's a client in this place then he stops going there.

He may be confused between having a crush and having feelings of love. Is this woman aware of your husband's feelings? You should go to a counselor, this is serious enough and you both want to go through this and save your marriage so chances are it will help you do that.

Your husband unusual behavior may be caused by unsolved issues from his past or marital issues you 2 are ignoring.

Answer 10

Wow....what a way to be taken advantage of! I think it is your turn to go out and have a little fun girl. Any decent married man who found himself attracted to another woman would remove himself from the situation. We are only human and will frequently throughout our married lives find ourselves attracted to other people, what seperates us from the animals is we have the common sense to recognize it when it happens and make a decision. Are you sure his confession isn't punishment for you having a little backbone during the argument? Most people who love passionately, fight passionately and I don't mean duking it out. I would absolutely doubt a man who spent his time with his friends out and about rather than at home with his child and the woman who is raising her. Of course he is happy with you silly, up until you took a stand he had free rein with no relationship responsibility. I am sure he loves you in his own way, but you don't deserve to be taken advantage of.
Good luck to you.