Sunday may be a hellish nightmare..please help?

Question

My mom died a month ago. We are splitting up the personal effects like pictures (Some of them), the prized personal documents like old love letters, birth certificates, passports. parents grade cards and much more, and also handing out the things left us in the will. The family is very dysfunctional. Also the pattern is they are rude or mean or something to me, I react and get hurt or angry or upset and then I am the bad guy,.

We predict big fights and conflicts..how can I have peace and not let them get to me. I want to make color copies at kinko's of all the things like birth and marriage certificates and such and take pictures of all prized or sentimental items that are not papers so we each get a copy at least (there are 6 of us all different in personality and most strong willed and bossy) before any of these items are split up and fought over or maybe lotteries off. I offered to copy to help prevent fights and bad feeling but noone trusts me and a brother who we don't

said he will copy all at his expense (he's rich) but then said he will print in black an white on the computer..this is not the same as the color copy but I think the executor nixed that..I want to go more leisurely on figuring out a fair way to divide the pictures but some of them are types who need to do things immediately..presurring my brother the executor to hand out stuff no or so he says (he tends to in my opinion catastrosized things to come or exaggerate so who knows what people are really saying...and he stresses people out) one sis said she is not sentimental and wants to box it all up and remove all pictures from eeach room except one in order to decluitter the house she will not even live in (my two brother will leave there until death) she is efficient and has all Christmas done day after Thanksgiving..other is obsessively neat throwing away new stuff regularly. How can I get my wishes of what I want known without becoming upset. I do not want much but do want at l

at least copies of pictures and sentimental documents..they seems to want to go through saying I want this and this and arguing they should get all the precious documents..I almost want to not go but brother said I need to go to help him get them to not sweep through everything and give advice even though I give good advise, none listens. Help

Answer 1

Hi, my mom died nearly 8 years ago and we didn't even go through her things until about 5 years ago. The easiest thing of course would be her will and what she wanted to go to each of you. We unfortunately didn't have anything like that, so we received whatever we had given to her. So, anything that we liked and had bought ourselves went back to us. Then, we started with the oldest picking out one thing until most of her belongings were sorted. You may find that things that are important to you aren't to the others (i.e. love letters/grade cards). If they are, you may find that whoever wants them the most will certainly understand and allow you permission to copy it. If not, appeal to their good side before you get angry. Just explain it's also important to you. Remember everyone is still grieving, so things will not be easy. If you don't get to make copies now, maybe in the future? Try to remember that your mom wouldn't want you to fight over things. Plus, that piece of paper or photo is not your mom, it's a memory that you still have with or without the photo. Go into this with a positive attitude and remember that you are better than petty fighting and that your mom would appreciate that the most. Good luck!

Answer 2

Hey Janie,
sorry for your mom. You want to have colour copies off all the personal stuff of your mom and your brother would make copies but only will print them in black and white on the computer. Well, then he has to scan all the papers and pictures. Suggest he should not print them, he should burn them on CD or DVD. That is faster and cheaper and you have a colour picture. There is another advantage the colour of prints is not stable by the time. And when each one of you has a copy of the CD and one looses that, be great hearted, make them a copy and send them. It's your family! Today you have quarrels, but times are changing

Greetings from Hamburg, Germany
Heinz

Answer 3

Good Luck Kiddo,
You have memories of MOM in your head..as they fight and tangle over furniture and lamps just quietly gather your paper treasures not making a big deal and promise every one a true copy of each , Then get the heck out of there
Families ,go figure.