my husband likes to?

Question

my husband likes playing tennis, but the problem is his ex comes to play too, and he ends up playing with her. I wasnt confortable with him being her casual friend, so he has stopped talking with her except for aunavoidabl situations like coming across her in person. the talk even then is just casual. my FEAR is that if they play together, he mite find her company more enjoyable, as I dont play that great and shes a champion. But we tried getting other people to play with, but none except the team containg hthis girl seem to be sticking to their schedule. Now I feel guilty that he is not going and getting unhealthy fat all because of me and my marrow mindedness. On the otherhand, I am scared to let go too.
Problem is my husband is not artful at talking. To everyone, he jus sopeaks his mind out, its innocent and frank, but sometimes it hurts. sentences will be like shes so good, but just this thing was not working,. so there was no way we could have continued.

I am so jealous that I tend to think about "the shes so good " part of the sentence for a long long time may be weeks together after that.. please help. I really want him to exercise and be fit. But this problem is painful. He doesnt have much zeal to go to gym/ another game, coz hes been playing baddy for 5 yrs..

Answer 1

Take some tennis lessions and start playing like a champion. She is his ex yes but you are his wife. If he only plays tennis with this woman and does everything else with you then don't worry about it. Sometimes people do things out of habit. If he found her company more enjoyable then he would have never have left her right. Hopefully you will see that its your company he wants. They do share a past but you share a future if you don't ruin it by getting jealous over these things. If he starts spending time with her other then this then I would worry if not let him play and get some exercise. In the meantime start getting those lessons so he will have a new partner. Good luck.

Answer 2

If you are not comfortable with it, you are'nt! dont feel guilty about it. Afterall, you would never imagine doing the same with you ex, only cuz it might hurt your husband. Stand by your decision. You are a happy family and that is more important than anything that could possibly stand in the way.

Try another tennis club for your husband.

Dont worry about him saying those things innocently, just overlook them. Try to get it across to him that you dont like him talking like that. If it doesnt work, then find a way. I am sure u can!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Tell him that you really care about him and that clearly this is an issue of trust. Voice your issue about him talking - say that you don't really like it when he talks about other women being "so good" or whatnot. You need to let go and stop being so clingy, I'd say if you really wanted to you could ref their tennis games or invite a group of your friends and just sit around there and talk while watching them play. Tell him you DO care and that you do want him to be fit, who knows if she's still playing? If not you could gather some friends and ask them around and see if they want to play.
Obviously if he has given tennis up for you he cares - and he didn't go back to his ex. Being good at tennis is hardly something to leave your wife for - maybe he does enjoy her company and maybe if he does more than you it's a good thing. I know you're afraid of losing him but if he's not really happy with you then if you really love him you would let him go
I know this sounds harsh, but it sounds like me your husband has the hots for you and just wants some TENNIS!

Answer 4

My best friend is an ex-boyfriend of mine. He's a wonderful guy, and we're very close, and I love him to death. And guess what? There is no way in hell we're getting back together.

My boyfriend knows this, and he trusts me. Because I'm honest. I'm a lot like your husband - I'm totally without tact. I say whatever is on my mind. And that's how my boyfriend knows that I won't fall in love with someone else.

Men and women CAN be friends. They can even be friends after being formerly lovers.

I know it's hard, but just take a deep breath, and relax. It doesn't sound like your husband is going anywhere to me.

Answer 5

You say he is YOUR husband and plays against his ex...and that she is a champion....If he tries to win these matches and exhausted breathes out "she is so good" he is talking tennis...
The fact that he comes home to you should tell all.You did allude to a fact that they used to communicate and now it is only at tennis...that raises questions ...are you playing at the country club or on public grounds? if public seek another time of day or another club or just trust Mr "speak before thinking" to be the man you love . His x is just that....his X

Answer 6

i totally understand your situation. thats why you are unhappy, i assume. well, you can engage your husband to do other healthy activities besides tennis. if he isnt the gym person, then maybe you can ask him to go jogging or walking with you at the beach or a local nature park. or maybe go biking or roller skating. i mean there are so many fun and healthy activities out there besides tennis that you and your husband can do together. that way, both of you would avoid coming to an uncomfortable situation like meeting his ex.

Answer 7

I hear trust and confidence issues... am I right?

1) You need to learn to trust your husband and get more self confidence in yourself that your husband won a jackport when he put his ring into your finger. You really need to get this in your mindset before doing anything else.

You need to realize and feel from the heart that she is only his activities friend, but nothing more.

K, you may think I said that because I dont' know how impossible it is to feel they are okay to be tennis companion together. BUT please hear me

1) If I hear right your husband is A) Acknowledging B) Considering C) Respecting D) Understanding your feeling. And he is willing to A) reject a friend and go out all his way to protect your feeling.

So, give a pat for yourself. Your husband is really care about YOU not her.

A) When he says she is so good but only...he meants she is a good girl, but she is not for him, because she doesn't meet his need. And he found you and you met his need.

B) If he wants to go back with his ex, he would not invite you to play tennis with him while his ex is there. He could have just lie to you, saying he is at work. He invite you along, because he want to show that he respect you and that you are his girl, so he bring you along when he meet his friends, esp, when he need to meet his ex

C) Your husband did not marry you because you were or were not a good tennis player. Try to discover other common ground. Imagine this, A is good at math. B is good at math. C is weak in math. Does that mean B is more likely to be friend with A? You wouldn't find a correlation or causation relationship between math and friendship. Won't you?

D) Ask your husband gently. "Honely can you compliment something you like about me or that I did everyday at least once a day. We need to regenerate our sparkle. I mean you are really good to me. But a little more sparkle won't hurt" or something similar...so that make it sweet and natural.

E) Ask your husband how did he find out his ex was not for him. Just start off maybe after dinner, walking in a park, and starting to talk about old days, and say you want to learn more about his ex, emphaize that you meant well, just curious and want to hear story.

F) As much as you feel uneasy with his ex. BE FRIEND with his ex, that is the best check in marriage. And if you learned about anything about she and your husband, pretend you never learned about it..............u can dig more about what happen between them, if u decide to stay friend with his ex

Answer 8

Try to play tennis and train till you become good in it it's soo fun, then he will start to forget about her.