Ok, this may be lengthy, but pls bare with me. My husband and I are looking to adopt but we dont want an infant, we actually prefer an older child. W already have our own, but I am adopted too, just not in the common sense. (my adoption was complicated) Anyway, we would like to adopt an older child. Does that make a difference. I am afraid to do foster care because I get attached easily. What if "mommy" comes back? That scares me!! I would like a child around 4 and up. give or take. There re so many kids out there without someone to love them. My husband and I want to love them. I am in school to be a paralegal and possibly law school when I graduate. What do they look at when looking to adopt? We have no criminal records, we are prior military cops and no drug or alcohol problems, but we have bad credit and we rent. Is that bad? I just dont want to be rejected. I think that would hurt, someone telling me I am not good enough to love a child. What should I do? Help! Advice needed!
2007-09-07 18:53:53 · 10 answers · asked by ellienix05 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
BTW- My son will be 4 in Dec. So far we have explained what are intentions are, and he seems to understand and really except, but at his age its hard to tell. We told him, it would mean sharing his toys, time with us, etc.
2007-09-09 16:39:56 · update #1
if your are going through an agency im not sure but if you go through your states dhr and adopt, you will have a really good chance of adopting, you dont have to foster to adopt through dhr.we are working on an adoption with them right now.and also most of the children through human services are older and would be in your range they very seldo, have newborns or infants that are healthy unless they are part of a sibling group.also going through human resoures doesnt require you to own your home so dont worry about that.and i wouldnt worry about your credit thats just a basis they mainly look at as long as you dont have a criminal record and have plenty of love and space to raise a child.good luck to you if you have any questions i could probally help you like i said we are starting work on our adoption through dhr.good luck again you can find my email on my profile
2007-09-07 22:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by butters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is great you want to adopt an older child. You can adopt up to the age of your youngest child without problems but they don't recommend adopting children older than your youngest.
When adopting it doesn't matter that you rent but it matters that you pay your rent and utilities on time for the last 12 months (sometimes longer). Credit doesn't matter as that is the past, what matters to them is your ability to care for a child now. The more letters of reference that you can get from people that know you and your husband the better. It can be a stressful time going through the homestudies and everything but it is well worth it. If you want to adopt go through with it. Start the process. Plenty of older children really needing a great home with loving parents. Talk to your kids about it though so they understand what will be happening. Good luck.
2007-09-07 19:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep preparing your son for the changes & do your own preparations, as well. Read as much as you can & get involved in an adoption support group.
The fact that you rent rather than own won't have any bearing on whether you can adopt or not. The poor credit may prove to be a problem if there is a pattern that shows you don't tend to be responsible with your finances or meet your obligations (or you don't have sufficient resources for the family you currently have). If you had something major come up, though, (unusual medical circumstances, etc.)then it will likely be seen as a one time thing & not a concern.
Give your state child welfare agency a call & find out what the requirements and process is. You can find the information for your state at: http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/rl_dsp_website.cfm?typeID=10&rate_chno=AZ-0002E and just click on your state name to find the info.
I hope this helps.
2007-09-10 07:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by StacieG 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would wait, if you are too scared to deal with "rejection" which it wouldn't be rejection, if an agency declined you, just guidelines about what you need to do to get your ducks in a row, but if that is too much for you, I would really consider counseling to help you work through your rejection issues.
Very common in adoptees btw.
You would want the adopted child to be younger than your natural child anyway.
I think you should resolve your own adoptee issues, rejection being one, and why you want to adopt thoroughly, and once you do this, contacting an angency will not seem intimidating.
Good luck
2007-09-13 05:07:37 · answer #4 · answered by Joy M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand about not wanting to foster, but I had to learn the hard way...the first two were taken to give to relatives, and we gave the second two back because they had such frequent visitation with the birth parents, we were afraid they were close to finding them and about to kidnap them.
The lack of criminal records is more important than the credit thing. Renting is ok; plenty of parents rent. The most important thing is that you have room in your home and your heart for additional kid(s).
2007-09-08 01:44:59 · answer #5 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Renting is fine, you don't need to own your home. I think with the credit they mainly want to make sure you are not in major debt or financially struggling right now, if the credit problems were a while ago and not anything major then you should be fine.
Don't worry, you don't need to be "perfect" or wealthy to adopt, just reasonably responsible, and able to provide the child with a safe home and loving family.
Good luck!
2007-09-07 19:06:30 · answer #6 · answered by Angela R 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOu do not have to have a lot of money toa dopt a child. You have to show that you are financially stable and have the ability to support a child. It sounds like that should be no problem for you; owning a home is certainly not necessary. I don't know the details of your bad credit but, the idea is that you need to be able to show that you are aware of what went wrong and you are in the process of dealing with it. That is a big thing that adoption agencies want to see. They are not looking for perfect people or perfect parents. They are looking for people who may have issues but are willing to deal with them and are in the process of learning how to deal with them. There is no question that there are a lot of children out there that need families who want them and can love them. Agencies should be very willing to work with you. You have a wonderful heart and your love will be responded to. It is completely understandable for you to not want to get involved with a child who may not be ultimately available to adopt. You can certainly make that clear to the agencies. There are children who are available to adopt right now and there are other children who may someday be available to adopt. The one thing you need to realize is that older children will all come with their own history of rejection and/or abuse and/or reasons for being considered "unadoptable." The fact that you have your own history with adoption is a big plus because you will be able to offer that part of yourself to your own child. Please get in touch with agencies if you are serious about this because you are absolutely right in knowing that there are children out there waiting for you to just love them!!
2007-09-07 21:15:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, yet i could disagree. credit comments are lots like checklist taking part in cards as quickly as we've been at school in user-friendly terms as a substitute of showing how good/undesirable we are doing in our examine they tutor how good/undesirable we are doing at dealing with our debt. Having been married to a woman who substitute right into a components supervisor of an extremely large condominium complicated i know how stressful that's to evict deadbeats that don't pay, so why no longer purely run credit checks and don't hire to them interior the 1st place. you have no longer have been given anybody responsible on your spotty credit different than the guy looking returned at you from the mirror. no one owes you a roof over your head or a activity.
2016-10-10 04:30:06 · answer #8 · answered by starke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The home study, which is what requires the background and credit checks, only costs about $200 (often less). I suggest that you have that performed, and that will give you a much better feel for the future prospects.
2007-09-10 02:31:20 · answer #9 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you would be ok. just go and try it it is good to have an older child that is helping very much go for it.
2007-09-09 15:11:03 · answer #10 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋