Is my boyfriend a pedophile?

Question

Ok well a few months ago I caught my 21-year old boyfriend looking at a whole bunch of porn online. I got really creeped out because he was looking at mostly legal porn, but he also downloaded a few things in limewire that were illegal (child porn, pthc). He was also looking at anime porn. I don't understand because we'd have sex almost everynight but he'd still go online after I fell asleep and he'd look at this porn 3 feet away from me while I was sleeping. He's been looking at porn for a long time so I see from looking at my temp internet files. When I found out I was extremely upset. Is he a pedophile? Should I break up with him if he's not doing it anymore? I'm really not sure what to do.

Answer 1

I'm a bit sick of hearing people say "it's a guy thing" when referring to porn. I date a lot of MEN, Real Men and NONE of them use pornography. But i do think it a matter of degree.

It has nothing to do with what a man has or doesn't have available in his own bed. Women are wired to mate WELL while men are wired to mate OFTEN. This means variety and accounts for some of the reason that they are more often unfaithful than women. There is some basis then, in biology, for this.

BUT, anything that offends one partner and is not addressed by the other is a problem, anything that involves exploitation of another human being (my argument against ALL porn) and CERTAINLY anything that involves the exploitation of CHILDREN is a problem.

HOWEVER, you cannot expect the division of child protection services to do anything - that's ridiculous. They protect specific children from specific harm - not run after random porn peekers.

The police, likewise don't investigate these things, but the FTC, FCC or FBI might, if it involves children.

The more immediate problem is your boyfriend. He may be sexually addicted to pornography, some symptoms being trying to stop but being unable to, collecting huge amounts of the stuff, hiding it, feeling ashamed of it, excessive masturbation and simply the fact that it is causing some kind (any kind) of disruption of his life. If your relationship is in trouble then it's a problem.

Another thing that ticks me off tho is throw away relationships. If you love him and he's worth it every other way, then help the guy. Give him a do or die chance to change, to get help and to redeem himself. If he won't or can't or tries and fails - then consider bailing on him.

But if you care about him you would be truly callous to leave him just because he has a problem. You will have to be willing to confront him, tho, to get any of this going. So if he's worth it, i suggest you sit in his lap, take his hand and offer him a chance. I'd want one, you'd want one and i think mature grown ups do that for one another.

Answer 2

This is truly a "law and ethics" question. Age of consent means YOU have no right to engage in sexual activity until YOU reach a certain age. To have sex with someone under the age of consent is known as statutory rape. This varies according to the state from 16 (31 states) to 18 (11 states) years old. Nevertheless many states have age-gap provisions that authorize teen sexuality if within a certain age range. In some states, fondling, groping through the clothes or other such things known as "3rd base" are also illegal. So could he be charged with a crime? Yes. Is he a pervert, child molester, sick bastard? That's not a legal question at all! That is a moral question. If he had 18 years the same problem would rise as well as the same question. And if he were 48 the same law would apply but most people would see the situation differently (except the moral majority who sees this as an identical situation because both are just as illegal). When you are over 40 like me, a 21 year old guy looks like a kid, just as much as a 17 year old girl. There is nearly no difference in that thing we call maturity. Does he want sex? I guess he does, but so does a 48 year old woman. Would that look better to you? So if you feel sexually abused, go to the police. If not, follow your moral values.

Answer 3

You need to be really direct w/ him. Confront him and tell him how much it bothers you. The fact is, if he's in love with you and you mean that much to him, he'll be willing to give up that bad habit. From this evidence, I can't say for sure if he's a pedophile. While it's very damning evidence to have child porn pics, it could've happened by mistake. I know, I know....that sounds naive. But I've seen my own husband download a bunch of stuff from limewire by simply choosing everything on the screen. He wanted a whole bunch of oldies music and instead of trying to think of each and every song, he just put in oldies then chose to download everything. Your bf could've done the same thing and didn't realize he accidentally downloaded child porn. I'm not sure what to think on that one but it would definitely make me feel very uncomfortable around him. Porn can be very addictive and he needs to understand that it IS possible for him to be addicted to it as bad as alcohol.

Answer 4

How long have you two been together? Talk to him!!! It might have been a mistake that he downloaded child pornography, it could have been listed as "just legal" or something and he thought it was 18 year old females. Guys are going to look at porn and other women for the rest of their lives, it's normal and it's normal for some guys to be turned off by it. Anyway, just talk to him, find out if he meant to download that or not, then ask whether you should stay with him depending on his reaction to you asking him about it and by what he says was his reason for downloading it. Also, if he was drunk, that's kind of a different story.

Answer 5

Not sure if he's a pedophile, but sounds like he may be a sex addict. Especially with the internet, so many people are becoming addicted to porn and sex because it's readily available. If he's an addict, much like a drug addict, he will constantly be looking for the next "high". This means child porn, animal sex, transexual sex..anything new/different/more exciting will become his fixation.

Sexual addiction destroy relationships because his partner/you will never be enough to satisfy him. Addicts are also often irritable or have anger flare ups when things don't go the way they expect- or when they don't feel satisfied- which becomes all the time.

The other symptom is if he cheats. It's like he can't help it - but he will if he starts to think you are not enough for him (he might blame you for him not being satisfied).

If he is a sex addict, try to help him but if he won't deal with it, you have to save yourself. I wish you all the best!

Answer 6

He sounds like a loser. Anyone who turns to porn very often is pretty pathetic? Why would he want to look at children? Think of those poor children. Do you think they chose to be in a child porn? No, they did it against their will and were probably hurt physically and for the rest of their life it will haunt them, if they don't die because of some disgusting creep who wants to use their little bodies. Thats a sick thing you should report, you may help a child. Pedophilia is a sick mental illness of people who can not be stable. Get away from that sicko

Answer 7

I think that you know the answer already. If this happened a "few months" ago, and are just now trying to find out if porn is wrong, then you must have an extremely low self-esteem, and are afraid of being alone.
Time to get counselling for yourself, and find someone to help you move out.
If he is into child pornography, is this the type of person that you want to live with? Next time, I advise you to hold off from sleeping with someone, as you give away a part of your soul. not to mention a risk of STD.

Answer 8

First off all guys look at porn no matter how much sex they are getting that part is normal, looking at anything to do with child porn is not, it's disgusting and immoral and just wrong how those children are used and exploited. That is the part that worries me, I would confront him on that part and seriously consider dumping his behind out the door. No one looks at child porn by accident or downloads it.

Answer 9

Evaluate your situation with open honest eyes. We can't possibly get your whole story in 1000 characters. So taking that into consideration you apparently love this man and can't just drop him and leave him, so have a caring convo with him asap.

Do you look really really young and your BF asks you to role play as a little girl? If that is the case you may want to recommend he see a psychiatrist to evaluate why he has a need for this behavior. He may be a sex addict.

Answer 10

You are in the situation so it is hard for strangers to answer. If you are getting an "ut oh" feeling then look at it closely. If you are not comfortable with what is happpening, and it sounds like he is getting very comfortable with looking at porn sites on an escalating scale, then you need to follow your instincts.

Being curious is normal, being obsessed is a problem. If he peeked at different things and did not revisit the sites then I personally would be okay with it. If he kept going back to sites that made you uncomfortable, I would ask him about it but then follow what my instincts told me!