I found it out just a month ago, and we're getting married in a week. I feel so devastated, so hurt...like he's still holding on to his past. When i asked him about it, if he can get rid of it, coz I'm not comfortable with it, around the house he bought for us, he said its a TIME CAPSULE. What should i do? I'm so broken in pieces right now..I need advice..HELP
2007-09-07 14:54:44 · 19 answers · asked by im insecure 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Buy him a box, stuff all of the letters//pictures//random crap from her into it... have him tape it up, and stick it in the garage/basement/attic where ever. out of sight = out of mind. If he won't do that, then you need to sit him down and ask him why he won't? Ask him if he's hanging on to it for more than just a time capsule.
My husband still has a scrapbook his ex made him (it's a crap scrapbook, w/ no pictures in it, because she was a loser.... it was just tid bits of stuff that happened in the news while they were dating), doesn't have anything in particular to do with their relationship but I still made him put it in a box and stick it out in the garage. (and I'll admit, i was really really petty, i kicked it once when he wasn't looking).
2007-09-07 16:20:28 · answer #1 · answered by wifey2david 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiance has some feelings still attached to that time capsule. I find it interesting that he's not willing to move on with his past relationship. I don't blame you for feeling devasted. I'm not sure it's a good idea to get married under these circumstances. His reason "it's a time capsule" is not a good reason to be keeping this crap around. In fact, it's disrespectful. He's suppose to be getting married and starting a new life with you. His actions say: "I'm not giving up the past and your feelings are not as important and my time capsule. A more respectful thing for him to have done would be to keep that crap over his mother's house. So, you know where you rate. I would call it off if he chooses to keep it around.
2007-09-08 23:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you broken in pieces? Most people like to keep a few old photographs from their past and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that (unless they're nude shots). It doesn't mean that he still loves her or anything like that - it's just some memories of his past. If you feel uncomfortable seeing them around just ask him to put them away in a box somewhere you can't find them. Just remember - it's you that he's getting married to, and not her. You have to learn to trust each other or it's probably not worth getting married to him in the first place. :-)
2007-09-07 22:22:33 · answer #3 · answered by Butterscotch 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its one thing to hold onto them as his "time capsule"....its a completely other thing to insist on keeping them when you have definately explained they make you uncomfortable and hurt.
Honestly though, I think if this is the only issue you two guys have it's not something I would neccesarily call off the wedding for unless you are the rebound relationship that happened right after former breakup and he is constantly looking at them and dropping her name...then I would be worried and make a serious consideration of postponing.
2007-09-07 22:09:04 · answer #4 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the best relationship of my life now and love him with every part of me. But i do still have pictures and letters from a past love. Its not that i still look at them, think about them, but i keep them because there a part of my past. If at any point i was asked to get rid of them i would have no problem, i just choose not too. I do understand where your coming from, but chances are they mean little to him. Tell him again how uncomfortable they make you. If he still refuses to toss them, then i think thats a problem.
2007-09-07 22:09:23 · answer #5 · answered by sdoux 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
a week before your wedding and you are moaning and breaking in pieces over some old photos.??? his explanation is completely ordinary and he has the right to keep his possesions.
you arent marrying a 6 year old boy, you are marrying a grown man who has the capacity to love, and the maturity to buy you two a house and to marry you. he has a past.
he has the right to keep mementos from that past. i completely agree with everyone else the past belongs in a sealed box that is put in the rafters in the new garage where no one can see it, but, where it can be kept. my husband has kept his box in our storage unit for years and years, all sealed up from the time of our engagement, and he knows it is there, and he HAS NEVER LOOKED AT IT
missy, i have a similar box with old love letters from my old beaux, and i have looked at them, they are my past, and reminders of old good feelings, but they dont have anything to do with today except remind me of the happiness then AND NOW. i only kept the best love letters, ect, and iam glad i did, because they are good memories. they are part of who i am. i believe everyone should keep their old letters.
is this the first guy you ever dated? dont you have some old prom programs or photos of yourself from before you met this guy???
right this minute put a big bridal smile on your face and do not let one sillly thought into your soon to be married head. be happy that your guy went down that road that led to you, and so he is keeping some souvenirs from the trip. never be jealous or spiteful or scary-obsessed like this again, it takes away your womanly power and is not becoming on a wife. it is undignified and is frankly silly. it never ever occured to me to tell my guy to get rid of the pix of the old girls and such, i did not marry a blank slate, and neither are you.
please from this moment on conduct yourself with dignity and power and poise, and put this out of your mind. be the beautiful bride you are and let that and only that radiate.
2007-09-08 01:03:35 · answer #6 · answered by jaded 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His past is what makes him who he is today- the man that loves YOU! It's just a memory, part of his life. As long as he is really just hanging onto it for a time capsule I don't think you have a reason to worry :)
2007-09-07 22:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by Amy P 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i have a photo album with most of my ex's in it. also there are old pictures of me in it. to me it is a story about my life, a "time capsule" if you will. every once in awhile i look through it. i even showed it to my fiance and we laughed at the guys i used to date and he doesn't care i have it. my mother also has old pics and love letters from her old boyfriends and my father didn't care and it was nice for me and my sister to see these things and see my mom had a life before she met our father and get to say- you went out with that guy!?-
I think that you shouldn't have a problem unless he is looking at them all the time and wanting to be with her. but i don't think that is the case, he is marrying you and loves you. just ask him to put them in a box in the basement or in the back of a closet if you don't have one. please don't worry about it, but if it does become a big issue again, talk to him again.
2007-09-08 10:30:21 · answer #8 · answered by nytengayle13 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let him keep it. My fiance saved his love letters from all of his ex's, including pictures and movie tickets, etc. I caught him looking at the pictures once and talked to him about it calmly...Although it did bother me then, I am over it now...its pretty harmless....unless he has her on speed dial & talks to her every nite - then that would be a very good reason to be mad! Just remember that YOU are the one he is marrying next week. There is a reason he didn't marry her. I'm sure he loves you very much, so relax and enjoy your wedding!!
2007-09-07 22:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by amf42d5 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's part of his history. And people generally have trouble letting go of part of their history. As long as he's not regularly looking at his "time capsule" I suggest letting it go. He's with you now. I have pictures of ex-boyfriends in my photo file and in a box. My fiance could not care less. I'm with him now.
2007-09-07 22:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋