Are we over?

Question

I've been w/ the b/f for 1.5 years now.. we're both juniors in college. Lately, we've just been fighting so much lately, like over "nothing." There's so much tension built up and misunderstandings. He tells me that I'm immature and disrespectful. Its just I miss the way things USED to be. Like I used to feel like he did truly love me and he'd do anything for me, I felt like he was proud that I was his girlfriend. He says he still does LOVE me and he truly does want us to work, but he also says things need to change. He says sometimes he dreads hanging out with me because we fight so much lately, and he would rather sit in his apartment by himself rather then come visit me. He says that I need to be not so attached, but he used to LOVE to come hang out with me and always WANTED to. I feel like he just does it because he feels like he has to even though he says he truly does want to be there. He doesnt want to break up he says, but I'm scared its gonna lead to that. What do I do?

I don't want to lose him at all, and he says he does TRULY want us to work, I can just tell things have changed. He says it's definately not his feelings though that he does still love me. I guess I'm just confused. It's like he's not as "into" me as he used to be. I don't want him to be obsessed, but I want him to have fun with me and want to WANT to be with me.

Answer 1

dosent look good .i say move forward...you are still very young.

Answer 2

More than anything, it sounds like you get a charge out of the drama of tension and fighting --- what seems emotionally interesting, thrilling or exciting to you may just be a game he is way past done playing. If he says he really loves you but doesn't like being around you because you pick too many fights, then that is exactly what he means --- no hidden meaning there. If he says he does love you when you are in an otherwise normal frame of mind, then he probably means that too; but since you are still playing a game he is tired of, of course being around someone who is argumentative and edgy is going to make him miserable. He probably is walking on eggshells all the time, can't figure out what it will take at this point to get you to stop fighting, and figures it's something he's contributing to --- and so it's better for you both if he keeps away while you figure this thing out.

You need to figure out what it is that you get out of a situation where there is conflict and tension simmering, and he needs to ask himself the same thing; maybe in this situation he gets to be the angel or good guy? Do you feel a sense of power that a guy who loves you can be put in the position of walking on eggshells, giving you the kid-glove treatment, or otherwise changing his behavior, just to suit your mood? Does it make one or both of you feel like you are part of an exciting romance, like in the movies or TV? You need to ask yourself this question and be really honest with yourself, even if it's embarrassing or less than flattering to discover things you dont want to admit about how you tick ---- if it's any consolation, every person alive has the same problem, so --- welcome to the human race. ;-)

Either way, if you can put aside the drama and find a way to get interested in the person he is on a normal day, the person you are in a normal mood, and the way love can feel between you without the complications of fighting, then you will have information worth having in order to answer your own question.

You guys have been together long enough that maybe some of the initial spice is waning, and so you are manufacturing spice to make up for the tummy butterflies. As relationships advance things do change emotionally. The question is whether you are interested in moving the love forward, in a different gear. Just try to imagine what a frictionless and harmonious time together would be like. If you can (or can't) see it happening with this guy, that's helpful information.

This will be hard to sort out because you are sort of doing it on automatic pilot and will be very good at convincing yourself that you really do have a reason to be fighting. Look harder when that happens and ask yourself if what is happening is something really worth getting worked up for and bringing him along with you ---- or if you are just wanting some excitement.

Answer 3

All relationships go through 'rocky' times, especially after the one-year mark.

If you're both dedicated to making it work, you'll be able to handle the rough patches. You just need to make sure you're honest with each other and that you're communicating regularly.

What are the things you're fighting over? Trivial stuff? Or bigger issues? Maybe make a list of the fights you've had in the last two weeks? And then sit down and go over the issues in a calm, rational way. Both of you state your views on why the fight happened and what you can do to prevent fighting next time. Relationships take a lot of work and effort, so you have to both be willing to work at it.

Also, both of you should make a list of what you like about each other. Keep those lists handy and re-read them whenever you're annoyed with the other person. If you're reminded about why you love each other so much, it makes it easier to let the little stuff go.

Best of luck!

~Kyanna

Answer 4

Honestly, it sounds like there are some real issues that haven't been addressed and in turn it has manifested into anger and resentment. Any damaged relationship can last if both of you really want it to. But if any one of you sits back and places blame on the other without owning up to what you contribute to the relationship, then it probably won't last. You should probably have a real heart to heart talk with him about your feelings. If he seems genuine in his responses and is willing to work on things with you, then don't give up on things. But if the whole time he is just blaming you for everything and telling you it's because of you and the things you do, then step back for awhile and evaluate.

Answer 5

Yes, you are over.

If you're juniors in college (oh so very young still) and calling each other names ("immature, disrespectful"), and dropping little hints about things "needing to change" - and when you should be going out, having fun and instead you are "fighting so much lately" and he would rather "sit at his apartment by himself" than to be with you....

For crying out loud, lady - how many signs do you need?!?

It's over.

Move on.

Answer 6

It sounds like he has changed. It sounds like it would be better if it is over. There are lots of nice guys out there. Not too many are the right one (that is the first one we meet). I would say leave as friends, not angry. Maybe with some space, you will get back together.

Answer 7

i am in love right now with a guy named glen its been a on and off love life for 4 years but where together but this time its forever we feal way to stoung about eacthother now so i would have to say to u if u relly love eacthother let all ur fealings out they relly need to no how u feal or they be as clueless as u better to get it off ur chest and let it out tell him eveything u think about towards him for u 2 can live on together forever

Answer 8

You are the only one who can decide whether it is over OR not over as it depend on the past history of you both how you both reacts to the situation as and when its happen this all depends on the liking disliking of both.

Answer 9

see what most chicks dont understand is that many guys dont want to play those games..."tell him u wanna break up and see how he reacts"....dont do that if u want it to work out ..BE REAL...express how u feel but not too much that it may sound "pyscho status"...and then chill out dont argue ...stop yourself from arguing ..plan a date go out laugh..have fun...if you're "sexin" than buy a lil something to spice things up ... good luck

Answer 10

Do you want to live your live in a constant state of turmoil and pain? If you can't get the fighting to stop, leave. You deserve better.

Answer 11

Consent rate on studies and rest forget. Otherwise you will spoil the career and it will not pay in your life. May be harmful to your children in life when they will come to know all about this.