stressed mom please offer some suggestions?

Question

I am a single mom of 2 kids ages 3 and soon to be 5. I love my kids dearly, but I am stressed! I am working it seems like 20 hrs a day. Between selling houses, online business, and the family responsibilites I am about to loose my mind. When I hit the door everyday my kids begin screaming at me that they are hungry and will ask me the same thing 10 times in 30secs.My son talks so loud people think he has a hearing problem, but he doesnt have any type of diability. My daughter is so mean sometime and I have no idea why. My kids are wonderful they are loving and very bright. For some reason they only really act like this with me.The screaming and crying ahs got to stop! I have never let them run me over but im getting tired. My mom has MS, my kid sister is pregnant, I am facing cervical cancer, and i broke up with my boyfriend of 21/2 yrs. were still friends, but I do miss him. I feel like running away. My sons dad has been mia for 3+yrs and my daughters dad lives 4states away. Im tired.

pls dont think i dont love my kids because i do. i jsut feel really over whelmed right now and i have no help. id just like some practical advice.thnks.

i do see my kids. i play soccer with my son a copuple times a week and i read to them every night. i make their dinner everyday- except weekends we eat out. my baby likes to read so we read books in spanish. shes three and she can count to 10 in 2 languages. i just feel disconnected. i dont have a reliable sitter or any help from family.

Answer 1

Whew...you do have it rough.

Your son probably talks so loud because he is feeling desperate for attention.
Your daughter is probably acting out because she has found that the quickest way to get attention (albeit negative) is to misbehave.
Asides from counseling, you may want to try to establish some regular, peaceful routines with the children.
If they are screaming for food, the moment you walk in the door, you may try having a small healthy snack for them & doing some quiet time together before anything else.
Speak simply and clearly with them.
Let them know that you are aware that they are hungry & that you will have a proper meal for them, but that you must have time to make it.
Tell them that you love them & that you are going to give each of them say a box of raisins or an apple to snack on while they wind down before suppertime.
Take 10 minutes & have them curl up under your arms with their fruit and tell them that once they are done that they will be allowed to draw, color, watch TV or what-have-you for twenty minutes while you cook supper. Remind them that you love them and that you expect them not to yell, scream or be mean to one another.
Try turning simple things into special things for them.

Establish a routine & KEEP TO IT!

Do not meet mean behavior from a child with yelling.
Do not meet a yelling child with more yelling.

Establish expectations & use keywords. (I have used the word 'unacceptable' enough times in this house that the boys put themselves in time out if I use it with them)
Be consistant.

Establishing a routine & keeping to it may seem impossible, but it is very do-able & will be so worth the while six months, six years & sixteen years from now.

Remember, they are very young & depend on you for everything...not just providing staples in life, but also perimeters & expectations.

Use positive reinforcement as much as possible. When your daughter has behaved meanly. Scoop her up & take her to an isolated area (one with minimal distractions...bathroom or darkened bedroom away from Tv, windows etc.) and tell her that YOU love her unconditionally. Tell her that you are very worried about her behavior. State specifically what she has done wrong. Ask her if she knows why this behavior was wrong. Remind her, again, that you love her unconditionally. Point out that this behavior is unacceptable & that she cannot expect other people to handle it as well as you. Ask her if she would like it if someone did to her what she has done to another. Point out that if someone else behaved this way, that they too would be wrong & let her know that we all live & learn & make mistakes. After she is all calmed down, tell her that if she displays this behavior again that she will be punished & define that punishment for it. Ask her id=f she can agree to that. When she does it again, remind her of this conversation & punish her as you had agreed upon.
(I use a small pink sticker, which I placed on the back door... the boys are to stand there, silently, with their finger on that sticker until they can come back & explain why they were sent to the sticker aka timeout. Should I catch them without their finger on the sticker, they get two more minutes)
With your son talking so loudly... try smiling at him & saying 'come here son' Take five minutes and set him on your lap. Tell him that you love him, can hear him & want to hear everything he says, but that when he is so loud it is kind of hard to understand. Ask him to calmly talk to you. If he is still loud, draw his head close to your chest & let him feel you laugh & say 'Son, that is too loud. Now calm down & try again...I really want to understand what you have to say.'
You can do this. You can make it.
Establish a routine & stick to it.
Establish expectations & repercussiona for undesirable behavior & stick to it.
Soon, you will be able to say something as simple as 'Hey, what do we do when walk in the door?' and they will get themselves back on track.
You can do it, I believe in you.

Answer 2

Swty I completely understand where ur coming from. 1st of all i want u 2 understand that what ur going thru is normal. thats what being a mother z. Ur nt the 1st to gio thru it, and u won't b the last. don't feel as if its u or ur kids dat r abnormal. I feel da same way sometimes. I am a single mother, going to school, taking 21 hours and working. I am totally alone. but u know what? EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON & GOD WON'T GIVE US ANYTHING THAT WE CAN'T HANDLE. having a routine z always healthy and good. perhaps u can put the kids down @ a certain time- 8pm, and then u have the rest of the night to urself.and 4 the hungry problem perhaps get a crock pot and put somehing n there than can b ready by the evening, so u don't have to cook hen u get home. Get up 1 hour earlier than usual and do all house chores while every1 z asleep. that shud smooth thngs out a little. As far as ur kids, their absolutely normal. Kids in this generation r totally different than when we were kids, especially girls; they've got attitudes now, nt 2 mention they mature faster now 2. 1st of all, u need to pray 2 God and tell him what u have here, and ask him for some direction and help. U also need to get away by urself once in a while cuz if nt- u will go crazy. being a mother z the hardest job n the world. Going 2 church z also a good getaway, cuz they have free child care. U just need to get a little more organized sweety, u can do it, U R A STRONG WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! KEEP GOING FORWARD. the kids will grow up soon, and b4 u know it, ur gna actually miss these days, when their gone. U will realize that these are the best days. another thing u can do z get them 2 b active to burn some energy. good luck and i will pray 4 u.

Answer 3

Hello Lady,
I am a mother of three kids 5,7,12. My 12 is already on autopilot(she's very smart). But i feel you and the stress from both my younger ones. I am also single and don't have anyone to help me out. It's funny,answering your question actually brought me some answers. First of all, you need a set routine.Everyday from dust till dawn. Wake up brush teeth,get dressed and get out the door. Having the cloths done the night before will help this get done. It will be difficult at first but as long as the kids know whats expected they will fall in. (It won't work over night,there is no immediate cure) But w your persistence and calm manner it will work. Then plan out your meals ahead of time. Out the door snacks and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. If your a working mother, you can buy already made meals that you just stick in the microwave at the end of the day. If your out running errands w the kids always pack extra snacks and drinks and toys for playing in the car. When my kids start to scream i know either they need time outs or i do. The park is
a great place to get some quiet time for you and a place for your kids to spend some of that energy. If you are taking them somewhere discuss rules and good behavior on the way. Also give them rewards for good behavior and stick to it. If a babysitter is not an option, check w the local schools or community centers or park and rec. They should have a parents night out. You drop them off and get some mommy time. Never underestimate the power of me time. It is essential to keeping your peace of mind and being able to reflect on your parenting skills. If you are happy,they will be happy. If you are stressed, they will also be frustrated. And finally, never discipline when you are angry or frustrated.Kids are very well programmed w a sense of fair and they will feel it if they think you are being too harsh or resentful. Look around and find some parenting groups w babysitting service where you can talk to other parents going thru the same thing. And check out "activeparenting.com". It should give you some pointers and help. "Taming the spirited child" by Micheal Popkins Phd.
Please remember you are not alone, kids don't come w an instruction manuel, ultimately let your heart be your guide.
Blessings....;0)

Answer 4

You're 20---that's the main thing. You have TONS of energy and ability and health that you won't have later in life. Enjoy that fact, even if nothing else is going right at the moment. One great stress reliever is walking. It also costs nothing. Forget your future plans, take on today only, and get comfortable clothes on, socks and athletic shoes, and go for a walk. Do this every day, and plan to go to a nearby goal---shopping center, grocery store, park, etc. Walking makes you feel good, and doing it regularly will lower your blood pressure, which may be giving you those splitting headaches. Biggest problem-reliever is planning ONE DAY at a time. Forget tomorrow---figure out useful things, and fun things to do just today. Balance these out---take care of what makes you happy, but also help your Mom out with something. Don't "catastrophize" the future. Don't want everything at once. Life is a slow process, but you can do something positive today.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you have spread yourself very thin . Your children would not treat you this way if you sit down , make a schedule for you and them . Above all TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF if you don't you are not giving your kids the best Mom you can be . Get up 30 minutes earlier and sit quietly , meditate or exercise . Whatever makes you feel better . When your day starts you will feel great . Allow time each day just for the kids , let them in on it . Tell them okay it is Mommy and kids time ask them to each tell you about their day . Give them some undivided time a preset amount of time and they won't have to ask for something 10 times in 30 secs. Get the Idea ? Everyone makes out from this plan . Good luck Mom !!!

Answer 6

Your kids just want attention, and it sounds like you're not spending any quality time with them. Why must you work so much? You need to go after their Daddies for some child support!! They act up around you because you're their Mother and they've probably been good all day at daycare.
You need to re-prioritize your life. Your kids will only be little for so long... you need to cherish that time. In the meanwhile, take a deep breath and smile. Go turn on some music and dance with them. Get off the computer! And don't have any more kids with guys who aren't around.

Answer 7

Your kids are normal, they all terroize their mother, that's their job. I am the single mother of a six year boy who talks just like your son and I have a set of three year old twin girls. I have learned a secret method. The Flick. My kids are great kids too but they can be a bit over whelming. It's hard work, I am also in sales(cars) and I spend at least 60 hrs. a week at work and the nights are the same as yours. They will be fine. TAke them to a sitter and go to the spa. I don't care if you can't afford it, you have to take care of yourself. If you loose your mind who is going to take care of your beautiful babies. I bought myself a trip to Hawaii and I found a friend with benefits. It works out great because I have no time to date anyway. Enjoy htme while they are little.

Answer 8

First.......you need a breather. Can someone watch the kids for a "mom night out", once a week? You are being pulled in all directions. Get some help. Your kids are begging for your attention and you are obviously to exhausted to give them that.
Sit down and write out your priorities (when the kids are in bed). ONE thing at a time and Eliminate some things. You can't do everything. You will have to turn some things over to someone else. Stay consistent and organized for your kids. The evenings with them will go smoother.
ASK for help.

Answer 9

take a deep breath often each day. try to relax and get lots of sleep. i'm sure someone like yourself has many friends, who would be willing to care for the kids once in a while. then, you can have some time to yourself. if your kids reach an intolerable behavior point, maybe getting professional help would be a solution. your children are still young and probably don't understand everything going on right now, its ok. you need to face one day at a time because life IS hard.

Answer 10

Children are very sensitive to stress and act out when they know you are stressed out. They can sense it. The other poster was on track when she said to get a sitter. You need to find a way to destress and come through the door calmly so you're children will follow suit. I have 2 small children and I know how hard it can be when you're tired and had a hard day. Just know that they pick up on your energy. You must lead by example....so find a way to relax. And also, they only act that way with you because you let them. ;) So take care of yourself and things won't be so bad. Good luck!

Answer 11

there is no question that you love your kids. I think you just need a break. You have two jobs, if you could make it without one then just work one. If not do the on-line on different days if you can. For the kids, you have to start being very firm with them. When they ask for something they can't have tell them no, if they start yelling place them in time out ( a corner or their room nothing to play with). After they calm down sit them down and talk to them and explian to them "mommy is looking out for you, or mommy knows best") or you know something to the effect. After the children go to bed take a long hot bubble bath. If the house needs cleaning just let it wait untill the nxt day.Buy some candles, and a good book or maganize or whatever you like and be to yourself for at least two hours. It will give you time to open your mind, and let out all your frustations. It is a great way to just let loose. Try not to stress so much it is not good for you. Trust me I have two of my own that I have to take of, and I know how things get. Buy the kids some books and some eductional toys they can play with after school. You should go to their school and enroll them in an after school sport or after school program, that will slow them down and give you some extra time to yourself. Take care good luck to you and your family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!