What can I do with my daughter?

Question

She's nearly 7. She seems to be very defiant. Behaviour that she knows I dislike she imitates all the time, like she's taunting me. Things I've told her she shouldn't do (like crying like a baby with her mouth wide open) because it's inappropriate, she keeps doing, right in my face. I've tried everything and she just won't listen.
I'm quite strict, she doesn't get her own way, she's not spoilt. This is behaviour she's had since she was tiny, and nothing works. In every other way she's lovely. But she seems to have a thing about anything naughty, irritating or anything her mother doesn't like. She deliberately takes the other side when I talk about stuff (if I say 'I don't like this road, it's too bendy', she'll say 'I like it, I like bends'. Stuff like that, and worse, all the time.) She picks the most annoying things that the most annoying person does, and she does that thing all the time.
Any ideas?

btw, she doesn't say this stuff (like about the bendy road)because she really does like it - she goes against me like this all the time. I feel like I should pretend to be opposite so she can be herself.

Horsechic, you're right, she has been very attention seeking since age 2.

bitsy pixy, lol! That's really funny, I'll do that.

Answer 1

It 's known as the "contrary child"! It sounds as though she's developing her sense of autonomy.

I was a contrary child and I remember the feeling when I did it. I was trying to throw off the controls, reaching out for independence & freedom in my mind. I couldn't have expressed it like that at that age of course but that was how it felt. I was saying "I am me. I'll do the opposite of what you want because it makes me feel free. If I do what you want it makes me feel suffocated, trapped and not-me."

I did a search and found this. Although it's talking more about the pre-school child it's the same type of behaviour. It may help you to understand what is going on in your daughter's mind when she does these things.
http://e-magazine.adoption.com/articles/880/contrary-child-is-seeking-more-autonomy.php

Answer 2

I babysit and know exactly what you're talking about. Seven year old girls can be the most obnoxious adorable little creatures on the planet.

The thing to remember is that she does love you and values your attention more than anything in the world. If she is acting horrible, lock yourself in your room and deny her attention. This will only work if you do this consistently and don't give in.

Now for the hard part: Reward good behavior. It's easy to ignore kids when they're behaving but you need to give her an incentive to behave. After all, if you give her more attention when she's bad she'll just do that.

Kids can be geniuses at figuring out exactly what to say to make you mad. But she's just a kid and can be taught. As Dr. Joy Browne on the radio constantly says, a kid would rather be praised than punished, but would rather be punished than ignored.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

Hard as it may be, try to ignore her. Simply tell her you disagree with whatever she is saying or doing and busy yourself with something else. If she gets out of hand with that, explain calmly you won't talk to her until she corrects her behaviour.

She's pushing a button on purpose. You got to neutralize the button. After a few times, she will eventually give up. And well, let her have some things where she can disagree with you too. Girls especially don't like to admit they are like their mothers. They go through that phase even more as they get older, so expect even more things she wants to be different from you. Again, though, she can disagree or have her own preference, but don't accept her being disrespectful in her behaviour towards you.

Answer 4

My son is seven and he is doing the same as your daughter. It feels as though he is testing me all the time to see how far he can push me by saying naughty words to me. Most of the time he is an angel, but the odd thing he says that he knows I will not like.
I have started a reward scheme with my son, so that when he has been good he gets a reward point and when he is bad one is taken away and for every five he will receive a reward and this has started to work with my son. Maybe you could try something along these lines.

Answer 5

Children can often act out when there has been a change in there lives like a new sibling, moving houses, things to do with school. Be patient with her and give her extra attention and praising her when she does things right.

You could try starting up a rewards system like a sticker chat this often boosts there confidence and guides them to behaving appropriately.

Try reading story to her that are about feelings. She will learn to read how other people are feeling and have empathy for others.

Answer 6

My advice is to try ignoring most of it.

Give her a warning that you don't like her behaviour and if she carries on put her in a time out area (not her bedroom cause she will just play with her toys) but on a step or a chair

If she says to you she likes something when you have said you don't turn it into a conversation ask her why she likes it for example you have used you say I don't like this road it's too bendy and she has said she likes bends then you could say do what is it about bends you like she will either shut up out of shock or start talking to you about bends and go on to have a great conversation

You might even learn something interesting about each other. :)

Answer 7

the best thing to do is when she is behaving like that is to ignore her bad behaviour . my middle daughter who is 10 tries her best to wind me up and be defiant but i found by reacting to her when she does it, she will do it all the more. but if you ignore it she soon gets fed up when she doesn't get the reaction she wants. like when i say i don't like something and she says she does i just reply each to their own and if we liked the same thing life would be boring wouldn't it ? and the look of shock that i have not responded in the way she wanted is priceless. i would recommend you to go to a practical parenting class as the advice you get from them is invaluable. i went to one when my 3 children were quite small as i am bringing them up on my own and i still use the techniques now and it has helped me a lot . believe me if it wasn't for that course i would be completely grey and a nervous wreck not just a bit grey ! you will still have the arguments but you will know how to deal with them better.

Answer 8

get used to it they always play up in front of parents you've got another 10 years of it and it gets worse when the teenager years come.

Try to ingnore the taunts as she is looking for the reaction from you, remember she is an infant she sees things in a completely different light to you. Where you may think something is not appropriate this is fun to her as you get upset and she gets attention.

There is no right or wrong in how to raise kids - if it works for someone else doesn't mean this will work for you.

Hope things work out.

Answer 9

it would appear your the one that needs educating she may be seven years old but she is a human being that has the same emotions and thoughts that you do the difference is as an adult you know why you have these feelings and how things work if the only thing you heard all day from the person you look up to and look to for love and security is don't do that,stop doing it,you shouldn't do it like that,your naughty,behave, shut up,that's wrong,no,not like that how would you feel especially if you didn't know why .Now your child will not change it will get worse unless you change it why don't you ask her what she thinks first then discuss the pro's and con's and come to an agreement then she will feel that she is contributing to her life instead of just having confrontation all day.How would you feel in her position

Answer 10

Well, she sounds like a typical little girl. Little girls seem to love to "taunt" other people. However, I would have to say that the best thing to do is ask a professional. But be careful because too many doctors these days are too quick to pin a diagnosis on a child and put them on meds. It happened to my child and I just started to ignore his behavior completely (it is VERY hard) and finally one day...he quit! Not saying that will happen for you, but if she sees she gets a reaction, she will never stop. Good luck to you and your little cutie. :)