I have problems with my 3yr old attitude and my mother in law is worried that I may "lash out" or harm my son

Question

She is worried that I may put him in his room for several hours or that I tell him he is "bad" because I have mentioned that he really pushes my buttons most days. I can't believe she would think this! The ONLY thing I have ever said is that I had a really bad headache last night and put the kids to bed at 8pm instead of 9:30pm. Is this most likely just a common concern and not an accusation?

Answer 1

She is either over-reacting, or reacting to the cumulative effect of comments you have made. We don't know you personally nor did we hear the context of the conversation.

If you are worried that it is an accusation, ask another family member if you seem particularly stressed or over the top sometimes.

People often project their own problems - maybe she herself cracked under the pressure of parenthood and behaved in a way she regrets.

Answer 2

I don't think she is accusing you of anything except being stressed out. By the way, the bedtime of 8pm is certainly not out of line for a 3 year old. You mentioned "kids". So the 3 year old is not the only factor in this equation? The fact that you admit the baby "pushes your buttons" is a little disturbing. No one should be that short tempered with a baby (and he is indeed just a baby). He can't be expected to understand, retain, and obey everything you say. At 3 years old, he motivation is to gratify his every want (not need). Do yourself and your family a favor. Anyway you can swing it go to a parenting class, a support group, or even an online chat group who can relate to the stresses you are under. Caution: If you go the chat room group, just use it to let off steam...don't go taking advise from any one on there. Your mother in law has already seen you are frazzled...enlist her help. Maybe she will watch the kids while you go to meeting with a counselor, or just for a few hours away from the crying and noise. You really do need a helping hand....there's no shame...we all do at some time or another.

Answer 3

you will never know whether this is a common concern or an accusation, because different people see thing differently. Most important is how you treat your son and no harm is done on him. Mother's care and love is always the greatest, I do not think a conscious mother will do any harm to their children. Maybe your mother in law is just over suspicious and worry.

Answer 4

fear that you would abuse your son (lock him in a room or do emotional harm by calling him names) is not a common concern. Unless you have demonstrated an outrageous temper in the past, there was no need for her to make these comments. It is definitely an accusation and is not at all constructive!! Every Mother gets her buttons pushed....What you need right now is someone to talk to and maybe a break!Not a accusing Mother in Law!!

Answer 5

Attitude problems at age 3? sorry but your 3 year old is beginning to show his independence, please do not make a mistake and try to challenge him, just give him love and help steer him in the right direction. He will copy what is demonstrated to him. His behaviour is normal and you should not give too much attention to negative behaviour especially if he gets more attention when he is being negative than being positive. When he is being good, don't just expect it- reward it! star charts and lots of cuddles. When he is negative, steer him but show him that you are not so much interested in this behaviour. I believe that you would never hurt your little one no matter what, but you will always protect him. I have to say though, that 9.30 pm is very late for a 3 year old! A 3 year old needs 12 hours sleep. My children never went to bed later than 7.30pm at this age. My 5 year old is asleep by 8pm, has dinner at 6.30pm. Routine and enough sleep are also essential to your child's behaviour.

Answer 6

Sounds like you have a nosy mother-in-law. If you had a headache, there was nothing wrong with that. I would tell her if she had such a problem, maybe she should have drug her butt up there to watch the kids. I would talk to her and your husband. Explain to her that she has raised her children and it is your turn. Kids push our buttons. There are days I just want to sit and cry. I am sure your mother-in-law has felt that way too.

Answer 7

Time outs don't work my friend. You need to reward the child when they are good and not spare the rod immediately if they are bad enough to try to harm a baby sibling. Being alone is not good for children. They think what they did was ok. It's ok to use time outs and groundings for kids in middle school to high school but youngsters just don't understand. Also, an allowance of money when they can use it would be good. Your 3-year old can't use money yet, so provide a piece of candy if they are good and a smack on the behind if they try to beat up on someone else, especially a baby sibling.

Answer 8

How are you speaking to your 3 year old? Are you telling him he is bad? Does she have reason to say these things? She is either trying to give advice because she see's something that concerns her OR she is just trying to help you find positive ways to help you deal with your son. Take a step back and look at your parenting techniques. If you are happy and proud of the way you parent, then don't worry about what she is saying.

Answer 9

your mother in law has taken what you have said too seriously.
Everyday at some point my 3 yr old son tries it on with the tantrums and yes, it really gets to me, but after a warning i put him either on the bottom stair or in his room for a few minutes to calm him down (and me down!)
8pm is a normal time for bed, 9.30 is late for a 3yr old in my opinion, so what is strange about that.
Either you are very sensitive of your in laws or she is just plain awful.
Sounds like she is making things up and presuming you would do these awful things.
She is making you out to be the "bad" one and keeping her grandchildren as "her poor little angels"
Goodluck!

Answer 10

she may just be overly paranoid about her grandchild.Only you know if you are putting them at risk or not . i understand how you feel about putting them to bed a bit earlier if they are misbehaving.As long as you are not hurting or neglecting them then things should be fine and if you ever feel the need to do that then you need to call someone to watch them and give you some time to cool down. As far as your mother in law goes she is most likely just being a grandmother