I am never happy. I am a Christian. I have a nice house. Decent job. I am losing my faith.I always wanted?

Question

I have always wanted to be a pastor, but have always struggled with 'am I good enough' and 'money for my family and future'. So here I set, with debt, a nice house, a decent job that I don't like and have a hard time giving time to. I have two awsesome kids. My wife is seriously depressed after the second child and not doing well in many areas. I am extremely committed to the marriage. It seems that ever year my life gets worse and I attribute it to my not making the decision to go into ministry. My father was a pastor. I have been to counseling, psyciatrists, small groups, etc. Lately, especially at work, it seems that all relationships that I make fail miserabley. If you asked people closed to me, they would say I am great. I don't like hobbies, sports, TV. All I do is think... think.... think... I feel that I am the only person this way. Being a strong Christian makes is 100x harder because 'God is supposed to be enough'.
All I want to do is sleep and be alone.

I have always wanted to be a pastor, but have always struggled with 'am I good enough' and 'money for my family and future'. So here I sit, with debt, a nice house, a decent job that I don't like and have a hard time giving time to. I have two awsesome kids. My wife is seriously depressed after the second child and not doing well in many areas. I am extremely committed to the marriage. It seems that ever year my life gets worse and I attribute it to my not making the decision to go into ministry. My father was a pastor. I have been to counseling, psyciatrists (on meds) small groups, etc. Lately, especially at work, it seems that all relationships that I make fail miserabley. If you asked people closed to me, they would say I am great. I don't like hobbies, sports, TV. I can't find anything I enjoy. All I do is think. I feel that I am the only person this way. Being a strong Christian makes is 100x harder because 'God is supposed to be enough'.All I want to do is sleep and be alone

Answer 1

You need to check out Lao Tzu, and Taoism. It's a philisophy, not a religion, so it won't interfere with your christianity no matter what some nut with a bible tells you. Open up your mind. Lao Tzu talks a lot about how to simplify life, how to live within the Universe and not within your indivduality. You may find the answers there, and I hope you do--if not there, somewhere.

Good luck,

Justin

Answer 2

I can understand where you are coming from to a certain extent! I felt that way a couple of years ago. I had a nice house, a good job and a husband with a good job. We had always thought that we would become missionaries someday, but as soon as we got married we promptly left Bible College for other interests. Pretty soon we had good jobs, a nice house in a nice subdivision (a big house payment) and we were starting to think about kids. I went off birth control and couldn't conceive so we directed our attention to stuff! Nice things, nice resturants, nice weekends spent at places that I am still paying for. The thing was, I felt totally empty. By now we had too much debt to even try to bo back to Bible College, so we were stuck. I became very restless at the time I should have been the happiest. All of a sudden I had something happen that rocked my world. My husband was convicted of a crime he committed prior to becoming a Christian. I was devestated. He is now in jail. Strangely enough, the worst things got, the closer God got, and the closer he got the more joyful I was. In the middle of the biggest storm I could ever imagine, I was better mentally than I had been for a long time. Pretty soon I lost the huge house payment (I sold it, thanks to God) Moved out into the middle of nowhere to teach at a Christian School, and worked part time at McDonalds part time to keep up with the bills, and you know what, I was happier than I had been in a long time. The bottem line is the closer to God you are the more joyful you are (which has nothing to do with being happy by the way) and pretty soon you do things that you never thought you could do and you are happier doing it that you ever dreamed possible. Hold your wife, pray with her. Go to School to be a pastor (its not too late, I am now in school for nursing) Make sure you are eating right, and spending quality time with God. (you should spend the same amt. of time listening as you do praying, this is hard to do, but you will be bowled over with its results) Most of all keep your heart open to whatever God wants you to do...He is enough, you just have to let Him be enough for you!

Answer 3

Sounds like depression to me.

If you cannot become a full time pastor - how about taking a more active role as a counselor, by heading a ministry outreach program or by becoming more involved in music for the services?

As for your job - think about transferable skills you have that would be suitable @ a non-profit organization or a school or something else that interests you.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing - 100% ministry or 100% misery. Jesus' apostles came from all walks of life & had their own styles.

Answer 4

Yes you do sound depressed, it would seem both you and your wife need help.
I also agree with Threadstone who suggests you can do things for / with your church without being a full pastor, it's not necessarily an either / or situation. Yes check with your minister / pastor about all of the above.
I find it troubling that you attribute your life getting worse simply to not going into the ministry. It would seem to me that people should go into the ministry from an emotionally healthy position.
To me, an emotionally healthy person knows him / her self. There's some quote by Jung that goes something like we don't get enlightened by simply bringing in light, but by making darkness conscious. Are you conscious with yourself -- or are you doing what you think you should do as a good Christian? Christianity has a strong component of love -- including loving oneself through and through.
As for all that thinking, vigorous exercise could balance that out. It will help you get out of your head and also give you a boost if there is a biochemical component to your depression.
And start doing what you love. Have gratitude for the things you do have. People who have love and gratitude in their life naturally bring more grace -- and isn't grace what you are seeking in your religius endeavors?

Answer 5

I used to be a Christian, but found that it doesn't really help you deal with relationships. So I started studying Buddhist philosophy and found it to really improve my outlook on life. It teaches you to live in the moment. I think Christianity focuses on the afterlife, while Buddhism focuses on reducing suffering in the present. And in the US, Buddhism is really practiced as less of a religion than a philosophy, so don't worry about offending God. Why not spend some time in the library? At the very least you could hide there. If you fall asleep, no one will bother you.

Answer 6

Definitely a spiritual thing.Most likely due to prayer.I will admit,I'm a resistor like you.But I guess we both know it's about us wanting to control our own life.I know this week while on vacation,I'm feeling that void of emptiness,and I ask God why have I spent so many years getting further away.But I believe he'll mold you until you see your life and success are fleeting,but he's forever.You can rationalize and get all the psychological help you want, but you know you have to give your soul to Him,exclusively.He's a jealous God.

Answer 7

Find a way to become a pastor. That may mean attending seminary. That may mean selling your house. Possessions won't make you happy. A nice house won't make you happy. Nice clothes won't make you happy. Not even your wife will make you happy. You have to die of all your idols so you can worship the one true God. That is the only way you'll be happy. God bless and good luck.

Answer 8

Hello J2,

I would first like to say a huge Thank you for being honest abou how you are feeling. As you know this is he first sep towards recovery of any illness.

I am a qualified therapis based n the UK and have picked up on some intersting factors which may be making you feel the way you do.

Firstley you say all you do is think, think and think some more, you need to be writing your thoughts down as to remove theme from your houghts and then make a plan of postive action in order to challenge and work hrough your current problems.

Your wife I am sorry to read is not very well at ths moment in time. Does she currently receive help for her post-natal depression ? If so all you can do is support her and make sure she is taking any medcation prescribed you cannot do everything J2.

As for your career goals, please make sure you are happy with your job if this means making a change and becoming a pastor you need to make this change as you will not be able to cope working in unhappy conditions and then trying to make your home life better this will drain you as quick as pulling the plug from the bath tub.

You need to:

1: make a plan of positive action whch you can work on in small chunks. starting with the simplest problem and working towards the more demanding ones.

2; make sure you keep yourself happy. If you are happy then you will naturally start to make your wfe and working life better. This could be starting your pastor training / career.

3: Write down your thoughts before you go to bed as this will enable you to get a much more peaceful night sleep.

4: tke deep breaths before you take acton or make any changes be i at home, work in life in general. This will help calm you down and also clear your thoughts enabling you to make a more indepth and positive change.

Should you need to contact me please email me on [e-mail]

Good luck and hope ths helps.

Im here for you and your family should you need to chat

Robert P

Answer 9

God is calling you and it is hurting you for not answering the call. You don't mention you religion. To be a pastor, do you need to go to a seminary? Or study under a pastor? I assume you are not Catholic or you wouldn't have a dad!

Open your heart to your passion. No one is ever good enough. We are human, we have imperfections. Our human-ness is what makes us good at sharing God's word.

If we were perfect, we would have everlasting life without God and live forever.

Listen and hear. Focus on your family. Do what you have always felt compelled to do. Let God provide.

Answer 10

You need to do 2 things, contact Focus on The Family In Colorado Springs, CO and also In touch Ministries, by going to In Touch .org. There are people there a lot more equip to help answer this dilemma your are currently facing. I have heard them both speak in depth on the subject and I would rather you get it from the horses mouth, than to try and paraphrase it. Keep the faith, the Lord is sufficient.