I personally like:
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin,
5, and
Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get
the first
pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral
lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my
brother
have the first cake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan,
you be
Jesus!"
2007-09-07 09:48:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
hahaha joe :)
2007-09-07 09:55:15 · update #1
Prophet..you might have a point there :)
2007-09-07 10:02:59 · update #2
Why does Jesus hate Easter?
Because the jellybeans keep slipping through the holes in his hands.
2007-09-07 09:53:55 · answer #1 · answered by joe s 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
there have been 2 adult adult males on a plane, a doctor and a clergyman. (properly, certainly, there have been a number of human beings on the plane, yet...you already know what I advise) all of unexpected, the plane began violently shaking. A flight attendant comes out and says, "i'm sorry, the plane is experiencing some turbulence. each thing is great, and we are able to be coming around with complimentary beverages, as an apology for any problem that could have been brought about." The physician asks for a gin and tonic. The flight attendant brings him his drink. The priest say, "Ma'am, i might somewhat dedicate adultery than drink alcohol," in a horrified voice. The physician at recent provides returned his drink and says, "i'm sorry; i did no longer understand that substitute into an selection."
2016-10-10 03:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
2007-09-07 09:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
In a large car accident, a number of people from different faiths die. They are greeted at the Gates of Heaven by Peter, who asks each of their religions. They are each told to travel down the corridor behind him and enter their respective rooms, but all must tiptoe past door #7. The Lutherans go to room #13, the Methodists to room #21, Muslims to room #17, etc.
Finally, the last man in line turns to Peter and asks why they need to tiptoe past door #7. Peter replies, "That's where we keep the Catholics, and they like to think they're the only ones here."
2007-09-07 10:14:57 · answer #4 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A young couple were on their way to get married when they were killed in a car accident. When they got to heaven they asked St. Peter if they could see God. St. Peter said "I think I can arrange that".
The next day the couple received a call to come before the throne. The Lord asked them what they wanted to see him for. They said "We know this is heaven and we are glad to be here, but we would still like to get married". The Lord said "I'll have to get back to you on that", and dismissed them from the throne room.
Ten years later the Lord calls them back to his throne room and asked if they still wanted to get married. They said with great excitement, "Yes, we sure do". The Lord said, "This preacher is going to marry you today". They got married and left happy.
A few months later they asked to see the Lord again and said, "We know this is heaven, but we can't get along and we want a divorce". The Lord said, "Now look it took me ten years to get a preacher up here, if you think I'm going to get a lawyer up here you're crazy".
2007-09-07 10:09:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Jesus was at a disco and having trouble dancing, so
he says,
"Help! I've risen and I can't get down!"
Jesus Christ walks into an inn. He hands the
innkeeper 3 nails and
asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"
If Jesus got killed with an axe, would the christians
run around
with axes around their neck?
What did God say to Jesus?
"I don't care if you are my son, drop that cross one
more time,
and you're out of the parade."
No one knows what the "H" in "JESUS H. Christ" stood
for.
Haploid.
Jesus Saves!... But Gretzky gets the rebound. He
Shoots. He SCOOORES!!!
Why didn't Jesus get into college?
He got hung up on his boards.
Let Jesus be your anchor! So when Satan rocks your
boat,
throw Jesus overboard!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of
Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.
Why was Jesus born in a stable?
Because Joseph belonged to an HMO.
What did Jesus say before he fell on his face?
Get away from here you damn beavers!
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting?
You only need one nail to hold up a painting.
Jesus Christ scurried into the carpenters shop and
asked,
"Father, did you call me?"
Joseph replied, "No. I just hit my thumb with a
hammer."
The three wise men approached the manger where the
newborn messiah
rested. One of them tripped as he neared the infant,
and in great pain
yelled, "Jesus Christ!"
Mary responded, "That'll be a great name for the
baby."
"Jesus is coming -- grab a towel."
"Jesus is coming. Quick, look busy!"
"Jesus is coming--and boy, is he pissed!"
"Jesus is coming...but I'm not swallowing"
"Jesus loves you, but personally I think you are an
asshole."
Jesus, save me from your followers
Jesus saves...and redeems your souls for valuable cash
prizes!
If Jesus really was a Jew, what's up with the Latino
name?
2007-09-07 10:21:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
a priest, a rabbi, and an atheist are walking down the beach when they come across a million dollars. "what should we do with it?" the priest wonders. the rabbi says, "i have a great idea. we'll draw a circle in the sand and throw all the money in the air. whatever lands in the circle we'll give to god and whatever lands outside the circle we'll split amongst ourselves."
so the priest says, "no i have a better idea. everthing that lands outside the circle we'll give to god and everything that lands inside the circle we'll split."
finally the atheist says, "i have the best idea. we'll throw all the money in the air. and whatever god wants, he can keep!!!"
2007-09-07 10:04:33 · answer #7 · answered by just curious (A.A.A.A.) 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so there is this 1st grade class room in a catholic school right? The teacher is dicussing heaven with the kids, and one of them asks :
"Mrs.Whoever, do you know which part of your body goes up to heaven first?"
The teacher replies
"great question Sally! what do you think kids?"
one of the kids raises his hand and says
"I think it is your hand because you pray with your hands out in front of you."
The teacher says "that is a magnificent answer, anyone else?"
So another kid raises his hand and says
"I think it is your feet"
"Why is that?" says the teacher
"Because the other day I walked in on my mommy and daddy, and my mommy was on the bed with her feet in the air shouting 'Oh God I am comming' ".
2007-09-07 09:54:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
2 nuns in a car driving down a dark, winding Irish country road late at night. Suddenly, a vampire jumps onto the bonnet (hood) of the car and starts snarling and clawing at the windshield!
The first nun slams on the brakes and screams, "Quick sister, show him your cross!"
The second nun leans out of the window and yells at the vampire
"GET OFF ME FECKIN' CAR YA GOBSHITE!"
I thank you.
2007-09-07 10:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by James Melton 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Jesus Christ walks into a hotel. He hands the inkeeper three nails and asks...
"Can you put me up for the night?"
2007-09-07 09:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋