my Son is invited to a party where he is going to be the only African American kid there..and he's four ..

Question

ok..my mom is half white so No I don't have a problem..all I know is that most of the people that are coming don't like black people..and there kids are in my son's class where also he is the only black kid there.. I know because they don't speak to me when I say "HELLO" they kinda look at me and turn there heads as if I never said a thing..now my son and the little girl that asked him to come is my son's favorite person in school and she feels the same about him.. the mother really likes my son and everyone knows that the girl loves my son..now I'm afraid that when we get there no one will speak to us and I will feel so out of place..so I was wondering should I take my son and what would yoyu do..I know It's all about the little girl but how do you handle it when no one wants you there but the girl and her family??? It makes me sick when I think about going but I don' want to let the little girl down..serious answers please!!!

I don' care about color like I said half of family is white ..BUT to be around people who don't like you is weird and I will feel out of place not my son ..so should I subject my self to these kind of people for the sake of a party??

sea_sher ..or dum *** .. my son goes to a all white school so how am I teaching him to be racist??? my grandmother is WHITE..I talking about ME.. what sould I do when no one speaks to ME..and would you go to a all black party where no one wanted to there????????????????

Damn ..i'm the person that you would love to know ..las year I made cakes ,baked cookies and gave all 20 kids gifts for christmas !! hey yes i'm kind to everyone ..some people are just *ss holes..

Answer 1

Don't limit your son, he might not even notice the people who aren't exactly friendly. I grew up in a predominantly non-black area, and even though I was a little different, it didn't kill me.

Answer 2

I understand your apprehension. Adults can be very close minded, but one thing you should think about is how the children are going to behave. It really doesn't matter how the adults act b/c it's a child's party. Children are so much wiser than adults in some ways, particularly when it comes to race relations. Children don't look at the color of someone's skin when the see someone. They look beyond and see how "cool" or fun that person is. I think we all need to take some notes from kids.

However, you did mention that some other parents will be there that have been rude to you. If you notice that the adults are being mean to your son then I would simply say that it's time to go. It might make him upset at first and he may not understand, but it's better than watching your son being treated poorly. I really don't think the other adults will be deeply involved with the children at the party though, well at least not if the kids have anything to say about it. Kids never want their parents around when they're with their friends.

Overall, I think you should let your son go b/c he's really good friends with the girl and the girl's parents like your son too. I think others will be courteous while at the party. But I wouldn't hold your son back b/c there's no way he would understand why he can't go to the party.

Answer 3

I'm not sure where you live, but it sounds like the south. I am from Ca and thought racism was dead for the most part, then I moved to NC. Boy was I wrong. We lived on an all white block (we are white) because people of color (anyone other than white) were not welcome in our neighborhood. It's just this unspoken rule.
I don't think you are being racist in any way. You are concerned about how you and your son will be treated by some of the other parents. At the same time, I'm sure your son and his friend would be hurt if he didn't come. The best advice I can give, is go and be the better person. Also, you may want to talk to the girl's mother before you come and let her know of your concerns. She maybe a good ally to have.

Answer 4

im sorry to hear that because it seems like so much of the world these days are so racist thats awful but
you should take him because like you said the mother likes him and the little girl loves him, so what if your the only "black" people there talk to the mom and try to make some friends there.
your not teaching him to be racist at all your just looking out for him and if i were a mother i would be worried about the same things.
if the other people there have a problem they can get over it because im sure that you are a nice person just trying to do the right thing by your son, but dont limit him you guys will have alot of fun at the party when you start talking to poeple and participating in the party activitys.
i hope this helps

Answer 5

The only opinions you should care about are those of the little girl and her family. Stay around them. Pay attention only to them. You are their guest. Give everyone else a brief acknowledgment and if they act like jerks, ignore them for the rest of the party. Don't let these people ruin the party for this little girl or your son. You and he have every right to be there as much as everyone else.

I do know where you're coming from, though. I was once the only white person at a birthday party. At first, I got the feeling that the other guests didn't want me there, but in the end, all that really mattered to me was my friend. She wanted me there and so did her family. I stayed close to them, ignored the people that didn't want me there and had a good time. You do the same. :)

Answer 6

At first glance I thought here we go again. Unfortunately, I know all too well to what you are referring.

In no way would I subject my 4 year-old black child to people that do not like black people. He will unfortunately be introduced to hatred and ignorance soon enough.

But, since your son and the girl that asked him are close friends maybe you should have a chat with the girls mother just to let her know how you feel. If she really wants you and your son there she would never allow anyone to disrespect you or your child in her home.

I have also found that I actually enjoy engaging those who want to make me feel out of place or unwelcome in a conversation. There are so many things to talk about and conversation is an art and you can steer any conversation you initiate. If a topic you are not familar with comes up ask for elaboration so you clearly understand what is being said just don't allow yourself to be talked down to. Engaging people in a dialogue can be half the battle. People fear what they have not been exposed to and you are in a position to teach and have your son bear witness. He will remember this party when he is older - do you want him to remember Mommy all by herself in a corner or participating with the other people there?

Your son is only 4 so chances are you are going to be around these people for quite a while unless you move away.

Let them know that you are a parent just as they are and you will not simply be dismissed based upon the color of your skin or allow your child to be ingored and/or mistreated. Provoking thought within them will give them something to think about and maybe even make them realize they are shallow and mean spirited.

Answer 7

You need to take your son to that party since he was invited by the little girl and her family. Bigotry was here on this Earth long before any of us were born and it's going to be here long after we're gone.
This is something your son will have to learn to face especially when he grows up. He must learn that people come in all colors,sizes,religions and sexual preferences.
Teach you son to "Be the shining light that stands in the darkness for everyone to see. Be the one who will blaze a path where there was no path so that one day others may follow".
Rascism is taught. It's nothing you're born with. Just because the parents are a bunch of ignorant fools,doesn't mean their kids are. Teach your son to still try making friends with the other kids AND keep the little girl as a friend too.

Answer 8

Your kid doesn't need to be exposed to that crap at that young of an age. No, tell him why he is not going and have him bring the little girl a B-Day present at school. When he's a bit older and wise to how racist whites can be then he'll know how to handle the crap their racist kids will say to him.

And you need to make sure your son has some black influences in his life, do not shelter him from his race, he needs to have pride in being black if he doesn't those white kids will rip his self esteem a part.

I see a lot of white people here telling you how you to weather the storm and how you only need to be concerned about te little girl and the family who invited you. My answer to that is, sure that's easy a s hell to say whenyou are part of the 98% populace who are at the party! Sure, you can say very easily let's all just get along and just ignore the ignorant people blah blah blah... the truth is you recognize that you will be the only black person there amongst many white people who don't want you or your son there, and these white people on Yahoo are not going to have your back when someone insults you or your son, so no, keep him out of that type of situation at this young age and educate him what it means to be black in America.

Answer 9

ok. I think I can help you. i am considered "rude" by some, ( ok, ALOT of people consider me rude,ok? lol) so here goes. Go to the party! Don't let the little girl down. The little girl ASKED your son,so she wants him there. You sound like a rational, pleasant person, so I will say this: GO TO THE PARTY! If the family doesn't want any trouble, they will nip it in the bud when, and if, anything should happen. People are not comfortable around things/people/ out of their comfort zone. I speak from experience. When i said " rude," this is why. If someone should get out of line, speak up and politely say, : we were invited here by the family. I have the right, same as you, to be here." Then, be silent, and let THEM be embarrassed! i bet, they will either be polite, and leave, or the family will tell them to go if they be any more trouble. My husband, a cab driver, and a self- proclaimed " people person" , tells me to tell you to GO. you and your son were invited, and leave it at that.

Answer 10

I have had this problem except my child is white. I raised him to accept people for who they are not what the color of there skin is. I explain that it's only a pigmentation when he got older. He always had African American kids for sleep overs as a matter of fact most of his sleep overs where African Americans and we got alot of looks from neighbors. I taught him to say so what and be himself. I also am in a relationship with an African American, I don't annouce it but I can tell when some people find out and I say so what. Take him to the party be yourself, talk to people whether they want to or not and you might find that most of them will come around and if they don't so what. I hate to say it but unfortunatly this is something that he will have to deal with sooner or later. If he has a bad experience sit him down and have that long talk about ignorance. I've also found out that children that age really don't care. Just remember there is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Don't be stupid because they're ignorant. Don't let their stupidity undermind your childs ability to interact with other children and have some fun. Ignorance is taught and your fight must be fought without fear or trepidation. Your son and his friend will one day grow up to be valid members in this society. As a parent myself I suggest let them play forget about what those ignorant folks say cause they only want to stop what's good anyway.
Charissa

Answer 11

You dont know for a fact that people dont like him because he is black. Maybe you are reading too much into it. I dont mean to sound mean, but you are the one who is teaching your son racism. It probably never crossed his mind that they dont like him for that reason until you put that idea in his head. He should go to the party because the little girl invited him and wants him there and it will teach him to deal with other people. You never know, maybe he will become friends with the other kids there.

* I didnt say you were teaching your son to be a racist. I said you were teaching him racism. there is a difference. And if this isnt about your son, its about you.. Why even mention that he is black. its more that they dont like you. I DO know what it is like, i grew up in a school for a few years that I was the minority and i felt out of place but i adapted and have black friends to this day. If you dont want my opinion dont ask. I dont think my answer made me entitled to be called a dum ***. It seems that noone else thought it was a bad answer.