She was my first, I was very young, I had just graduated high school and her father wanted nothing to do with eithr of us after he found out. I had SUCH a hard time coping..... I felt as though I had lost my heart. It's not that I didn't want her, I just wanted better for her than what I would have been able to provide. I now have a 10 month old daughter with a wonderful man, who I KNOW to be the love of my life. I know I should be happy, but I can't help but feel horrible. I feel like I chose one over the other. I tried for a while to find a support group but all I found was a group of self rightous bible thumpers who put me down because I didn't go to church. I believe in God... Oh trust me I wouldn't have survived if not for his love... but I just wanted people who went through, hell who were going through wha I was so they could tell me how they do it! I mean on my first mother's day....after boy cotting that holliday for so long, I celebrated, then I cried becaused I felt
2007-09-07 08:45:09 · 14 answers · asked by ? 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
SO BAD for feeling good! I don't know if that makes sense. It probably won't unless you've been there. I really just want anyone who can share their feelings or experiences especially if they are the same as mine... or close to it! I know I did the right thing by my daughter.... that's not the point here... I just need to know I'm not alone! Support groups..... People who have gone through it? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?
2007-09-07 08:51:20 · update #1
Oh yeah.... I live in the Brandon Florida area.... if that helps!
2007-09-07 08:55:18 · update #2
Oh yeah... I know some people probably don't know adoption laws, but you can't have the childs last name, SSN, address or phone #. (Unless the adoptive parents are willing) Mine weren't. I also filed orignally for an open adoption, though the parents as of my daughter's 4th b-day (Feb. 19th 2006) decided out of the blue to relinquish all contact with me.
2007-09-07 09:03:48 · update #3
Maybe in some small way what I have to say to you will give you some type of comfort. I have tears rolling down my cheeks as I write this to you.
I just got off the phone with my beautiful 27 year old son.
He really is amazing! He is the type of person that when he walks in the door, he just lights up the room. Everyone seems to be drawn to him.
He is of Polynesian decent. If you have ever been around these people, you will know what I mean about personality, warmth and friendliness.
He has been the light of our lives. He has brought us so much joy and continues to do so. Everyday I feel so blessed to be called his mother.
I was diagnoised with cervical cancer when I was only 24.
Oh, how I wanted to have a baby!.....but I knew that I would never be able to. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I would get jealous when I would see other young women with their babies. I knew it was wrong for me to have these feelings, but I wanted to be a mother so bad!
When we finally decided to adopt, I wasn't really sure if I was making the right decision. I think it is natural for us to question our decissions, especially, major life changing decisions like the ones that you and I both have made.
Why am I telling you all this? Because, I may not ever have the chance to tell the biological mother of my son how she has single handedly changed my life. I may never be able to tell her how much joy and love she has brought into my life.
So, I am telling you. I can't even imagine what it must be like to give up a child for adoption. Please know that I will never ever take your sacrafice and selflessness for granted. Thank you! I promise, the Lord will bless you for your sacrafice, and you never know what the future might bring.
You see....I am now in the process of helping my son locate his biological mother. Does that worry me? Absolutely not! He has enough love for the both of us.
The book is not yet completely written for any of us.
2007-09-08 17:34:36 · answer #1 · answered by conim2002 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am an adoptee so I am at the other end of the table.
Here is a link for a birth mom support group. I'm sure if you are looking for something local they can give you some direction.
http://www.bmom.net/
Remember to do a couple of things. Put a consent to contact in the adoption records with the state and the agency. This will show your daughter that you are willing to share with her any information that she may come to request. Also, keep the medical information up to date and write her a letter and continue to add letters to the file as the years pass. Her adoptive parents may also try to get in touch with you. This will be the best way to heal your pain.
Take care
2007-09-07 08:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by Devin's mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Were you provided with post-adoption counseling? If you placed through an agency, I would contact them and demand that they provide you with counseling. If you are having problems feeling happy in spite of having a great guy in your life and a baby, I think that you need some professional help to get you over this rough bit.
Also, did you make an open adoption agreement through an agency? Do you have something in writing? In some states open adoption agreements are legally enforceable, so you may have legal recourse to reopen to adoption. I think that adoptive parents who promise openness to get a baby and then close the adoption for no reason are reprehensible and should be banned from adopting again. I feel that you have been used by these people. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but hope it helps you to push forward with the agency to get some counseling and help in reopening the adoption.
There is a forum on the "Soul of Adoption" forums that discuss issues related parenting a child after relinquishing that might help you.
http://soulofadoption.com/forum/index.php?board=131.0
Good luck!
2007-09-08 01:46:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just want to add my support with all the other good people on here. You did nothing wrong, sometimes the way to go is to see what good you can find out of what may be perceived as a bad situation. You gave a gift to a family, you made a sacrifice for something better. You are a beautiful person. I'm glad you love God and he loves you, never forget it. You know strange things happen at times and it wouldn't surprise me if some way, some how , you may get to meet your firstborn, it depends if that's what you want, where there is a will there is a way. God Bless You.
2007-09-07 13:15:53 · answer #4 · answered by Margastar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, as an adoptive parent, please, please please do not feel horrible like you chose one child over the next. Without someone like you, someone like me who wanted children but physically couldn't have them would have a huge void in our lives.
If you really need to contact her, try what you can, hopefully her adoptive mother will be open like I would be to an extent, however she may always feel threatened.
Celebrate your mother's day times 2. There's no reason to be sad. Because of you another woman is a mother not going through the depression of watching others have something she may never have. I tell my daughter who is 10 now that she's "double-loved", her birthmother loved her enough to make sure she had a really good home when she didn't think she would be able to give her what she needed, and she's loved by her dad and me. She loves telling people and totally understands it wasn't rejection, it was out of love that her birthmother "allowed" her to be adopted, didn't "give her up" for adoption! Her birthmother requested no contact, although I know in my heart that could change and I know that I couldn't deny her that to provide closure.
2007-09-07 09:25:45 · answer #5 · answered by Cash 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know it won't take it all away, but think of the happiness that your ten month old gives you, every time you hold her, or she does something new or cute. Now think of the gift you gave to the couple who adopted your first daughter. They would not have had the experiences if not for you being so selfless by giving her to them to raise. God Bless YOU!
2007-09-07 20:43:54 · answer #6 · answered by Penny P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know of any support groups in your area because i'm not from there but have you tried on-line. that might be nice then you can just ingore all the rude people. anyways that's just a suggestion. oh and by the way your daughter and i share the same b-day feb. 19.
2007-09-08 16:08:23 · answer #7 · answered by Supermommy!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh GOSH!! i am so sorry for you. My mother could have written your post, only she is now in her 40's and I am in my 20's.
lets see, i'm NOT in florida, but what about the sunflower birthmoms? or what about support through the blog world www.paragraphein.wordpress.com is AMAZING, i seriously LOVE her. and she links to a whole bunch of mothers who have surrendered. Theres also Origins.org who are activist mothers trying to change the laws in the system and are supportive for mothers too!
goodluck and may you find healing. You're NOT alone. know that. you really aren't.
2007-09-07 14:43:38 · answer #8 · answered by Gershom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know the feeling completlky i to got pregnant very young (12 years old) and become a parent at 13 i tried my hardest to keep her but after 8 monthes of trying i couldnt do it and i gave her up for adoption. after i had my first son i couldnt help but feel bad and wondered why i could afford him but not her. i still fell like a piace of my heart is missing and i want to see her one more time. but i know i did the best thing for her and thats all that matters. just a little encouragement for you my quote is "any one can become a parent but it takes a strong person to say i want the best for my child and i know i cant give her the best" it still causes me to cry sometimes but i just remember i did the best thing for her
2007-09-07 09:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. I know that there must be somewhere for you to get the support you need. Unfortunately, I haven't been there, so I'm not sure that I can really help.
Have you dug through yahoo groups? I've found some good people there.
2007-09-07 08:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by MissFloor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋