I currently have 5 bridesmaids for my wedding, my mom and my fiance are pressuring me to add one more, my fiance's brothers wife. I cant stand her, everytime I am near her I get a stomache ache, she is mean to me about everything, from weight to my engagement ring. She is constantly comparing us and whenever I talk about my wedding with the family she has to bring up her wedding. My fiance and I live across the contry from her, and at her wedding she left me with a bunch of strangers while my fiance sat at the head table. She takes every chance to tell me how much my fiances family dislikes me. She is just bitter and mean. I just dont want to have to "deal with it" at my own wedding. My mom says that she maybe nice if I have her in my wedding, but I am not holding my breathe and I dont think its worth the risk. What do you think? Would you just "deal" or would you say no way. I somehow fell by not asking her I am stooping to her level, I need advice! Thanks!
2007-09-07 07:31:11 · 50 answers · asked by Hardcore Hon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My Fiance wants her to be in the wedding to keep the peace in the family, he just wants everyone to be happy...which I have a feeling wont happen! His Mom is also make little comments about how nice it would be to have her in the wedding too!
2007-09-07 07:40:39 · update #1
Thank you all for your advice. I am just going to talk to my Mom and Fiance and tell them to enjoy the wedding I will have her do something other than be a bridesmaid, and remind them the distance will make it hard too :-) I REALLY appreciate all of the help and encouragement!
2007-09-07 07:49:31 · update #2
This is your day. If you don't want her as a bridesmaid, then don't.
And if you don't want here there AT ALL, then don't! It's YOUR day.
2007-09-07 07:38:05 · answer #1 · answered by Frinn 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is your day. It isnt your Mom's day. Talk to your fiance and tell him your concerns and why you do not want her to be a part of the wedding party. Also state that since she lives cross country from you it will be hard to get her the fittings for the dress and the many other things that bridesmaids do before the actual wedding. If it is going to be a real sticking point with your fiance then I would suggest that you tell him that you will include her however if she makes one hateful comment or is mean to you in anyway not only will she not be a bridesmaid you will ban her from your wedding all together. Marriage is about compromise so you both are going to have to give a little on this. You also need to stand up tall and speak out for yourself. When she starts to be mean to you Just look her squarely in the eye and tell her I am so Sorry that your life is that miserable that you have to try and find fault with mine. I can see why you are jealous of me and my life and I know it must be hard on you to see how great my life is. This should shut the no good b it ch up. Make sure you say it in front of other people too
2007-09-07 07:44:43 · answer #2 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to please yourself and your fiance, of course, but this is also a good time to please your new mother-in-law. Guess what?! At the wedding, you probably won't speak more than 2 words to ANY of your bridesmaids. You'll be too busy having photographs taken and making goo-goo eyes at your new husband. Who cares if the bag is down at the end of the lineup? Two wrongs don't make a right so you shouldn't be mean and miserable just because she is. If you ignore this request of your fiance and his mom, YOU look like the mean-spirited person and she looks like the poor little hard-done-by gal. If you invite her to be part of the wedding, consider it as a gesture of goodwill to his family. You can rise above the pettiness. Anger and stress only eats you up if you let it. Come on! People will talk about how lucky your groom is, having such a generous bride. They will remember that you weren't included in the other wedding and they'll say such complimentary things about you having the grace to rise above that. Remember Cinderella? Every priness and every queen has had some wicked stepsisters to deal with. And legends were made when the heroine stayed sweet to the end! Stay strong. Be better than this! Your marriage will be stronger for this one concession to your groom.
2007-09-07 07:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would understand a couple of things, if it were me. First, I recognize that marrying someone means you get their family, too. Like it or not, this woman (whom you may well have good reason to dislike) will be a part of your life for the rest of your life. Your husband's point about keeping peace in the family is not a weak one.
Second, I would understand that I would actually have very little to do with the woman, in my wedding or not. She lives far away from you, so it's not like she's around all the time and will create problems as you make your wedding plans. You also will not "have to deal with it at your own wedding". You're going to have so much going on that day, that one insecure sister-in-law isn't going to matter. She's going to be at the wedding anyway, why not start off the relationship with your in-laws in an open and generous way rather than a fight.
2007-09-07 08:17:30 · answer #4 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your bridesmaids should be the women in your life who have been there to support you and with whom you have a close relationship with. Under no circumstances should you feel obligated to have someone who is routinely disrespectful, condescending and rude to you be your bridesmaid. How do you think she would treat you on your wedding day? It isn't worth the risk.
If anyone gets upset about her not being in the wedding, they'll get over it as soon as the wedding is over. You, however, will remember your wedding day for the rest of your life. It doesn't show a lack of character for you NOT to ask her to be a bridesmaid. Stooping to her level would be to not invite her to the wedding and hiring security guards to make sure she's kept out. Then to rub it in her face afterwards. It is enough that you've invited her to the wedding. You are only protecting yourself from any emotional turmoil on the wedding day and you have every right to choose those women closest to you to be your bridesmaids. Don't let anyone guilt trip you or take advantage of you under wedding planning stress. This is not a family decision -- it is your decision.
2007-09-07 07:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DON'T DO IT! You want to remember your wedding day as something good! She will ruin it for you! Even if she, by some chance, doesn't so something horrible, you'll be stressing about it the whole time. Tell your Mom you don't want her in it, and if she wants her to be in a wedding that bad, get divorced or whatever and have her own with her in it. You're not "stooping to her level". Marriage is something sacred, and you don't want a person like that in it. Your bridesmaids & groomsmen are supposed to be your support throughout your marriage (and if you're religious, that too). You don't want to take advice from someone like that. If you do it, you'll always regret it and wonder how it would have been without her.
2007-09-07 12:45:30 · answer #6 · answered by BlackDahlia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand you. I have a soon to be sister-in-law that is horrible. I have her in the wedding just to keep the peace, but here is the catch I have friends, and family that know, I cant stand her so they are on watch out. Though the wedding...... If she becomes too much someone is going to go get my soon to be ( her brother) and let him know. He will chat with her, if she continues after that she is to be escorted out of my room and view till the wedding and then after that my coordinator will be keeping an eye on her if any problem's out she goes. My sweetie as already told her to be on her best behavior. Mind you she is 30 years old and has a rude comment for everything, or hers is better. Best wishes and good luck remember this is your day and don't let her ruin it! If she act like a brat every one will see and completely see your side as long as you don't stoop to her level. I hope I helped.
2007-09-07 08:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by typicalcagirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And by asking her in hopes that she'll be nice you'd be bribing her. Say no, five is plenty bridesmaids and you are not adding anymore. It's your wedding there are some things you should be able to put you foot down about.
You would be stooping to her level if you shoved her with a bunch of strangers despite her being married to your fiances brother.
2007-09-07 07:58:05 · answer #8 · answered by Manny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with several others that say you do not have to have her as a bride's maid.
That being said, it sounds like you need a way to get your point across and get the pressure off to include her.
I assume your fiance knows how she acts and how you feel but he is bending under the pressure of his family to include her.
Put the ball in his court. These days it is not unusual for a man to have a woman stand up for him and vice-versa. Tell him that since she is his family member and therefore he knows her better than you do that she can stand up for him. If he is unwilling to do it himself, then he has no right to pressure you to do it.
And no, just because he has a woman in his party doesn't mean you have to have a matching guy in yours. You can have another girl and just have them walk back down the isle together.
Stand firm. People treat us as we let them. If you give into the idea that what you want should be sacrificed to placate her then it will continue in the years ahead.
2007-09-07 08:06:41 · answer #9 · answered by msbettyboop40 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not required to put her in your wedding.
My fiance's brother has a wife. We get along fine but I don't know her that well so she won't be in the bridal party.
Edit: I can't believe so many people are saying you should go as far as to not invite her. That would just estrange you from the rest of his family. Also, if your fiance wants her there, she should be there (though not in the wedding party) because it is not just your day, it is his day too!
2007-09-07 07:36:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it! Listen to your heart, don't let her interfere with your big day. It's not stooping to her level to keep her out of your wedding party. Now seating her at the children's table might be, and I would suggest doing that, but I'm a b*tch! You sound nice and sincere, she sounds awful! Keep her away from you, but to be nice seat her with her family or her husbands family. I know weddings are difficult when you don't get along with everyone on both sides of the family, but cherish this day and make it special for YOU! It flys by!! Good Luck!
2007-09-07 07:44:01 · answer #11 · answered by jenjfrost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋