My boyfriend and I are getting married next year, we don't have kids and we have decided to have a wedding with out kids. We are getting married on a small boat house with the ceremony on a large floating dock. We figured it would be safer and less people. We figured to send the invites out just addressed to the parents. But our problem is my older sister is one of my bridesmaids, she has two kids, I love them, but I can't invite them with out inviting my other nephews, with all the kids will be wild. How can I tell my sister with out hurting her feelings and making parents understand?
2007-09-07 07:13:30 · 26 answers · asked by Crystal D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Its your day and your way. Expect folk to have attitudes but look at it like this..they have a whole freaking year to get sitters.
2007-09-07 07:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I wish more people would have "adult only" weddings! I have had drinks spilled on an expensive dreess by kids running past a table. I have attended ceremonies where a squalling baby made the vows totally a mess! We have children and we would not consider taking them before they were 16 to any wedding reception, and even then I have called and asked the mother of bride if the invite included more than just the adults. Receptions are also expensive and to have a chair at a table for a 4 year old and pay $40. for a meal that will be wasted is ridiculous! With your wedding being on a boathouse, the safety factor is as important as the space factor! Obviously, due to space, your list is a short one so the first thing you should do is send out a "Save a Date" announcement. You can handwrite or print on your computer. "Save this date! We are getting married July 15, 2008. We wanted to give everyone plenty of notice so you can arrange your babysitter early! Adults only please." Don't worry about offending anyone. It is actually rude to expect to be able to bring kids! If anyone grumbles, just ignore them knowing that they will end up having a better time in the end without having to worry about watching their little angels. One big thing, though. If it is adults only, you can not stray from this rule. That means, no little flower girls, no matter how cute. Youngest person there should be 16 or 18 because if you break your rule for one, you'll be sure to offend others. It's your day, your wedding and your money so go ahead with your plans!
2007-09-07 07:36:52 · answer #2 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You can't. You will hurt someone's feelings. I know children can be a bit active but kids help make up the special day. It's family. I am about to get married and my cousins children are "wild" but you know I think that because of the atmosphere of the wedding it will not be bad at all. I have confidence in my cousins to keep their children under control. If you tell someone they can't bring their children, it will hurt their feelings and it will put a damper on your wedding day. My advice, don't include anything like that on the invitation. I would call them personally and make sure your sister or whoever knows that you want your wedding to go smooth and to please watch her children. And tell her that you are telling everyone that - just so you don't hurt her feelings.
2007-09-07 09:17:31 · answer #3 · answered by Bubblelips 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This will be near impossible. If you do not specify "no kids" or "adults only" - you WILL have kids show up. The "correct" thing is to address it only to parents, but not everyone knows that. And you will have people asking you why their kids can't be the exception... because they are traveling... or in the wedding part... or related to you... or love boats... or whatever.
You will make someone angry. There's no way around it. We sent out invites addresses only to parents cuz we weren't inviting kids to our wedding.
Guess what? There were at least 30 kids at our wedding. But I let it slide. It wasn't worth the aggravation.
2007-09-07 07:27:54 · answer #4 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Set an age limit on kids, like 12. Usually, at 12 and over, kids can be pretty mature for a wedding atmosphere, and won't cause too much trouble.
If the kids are about 8 or 9, they're too young to be at the wedding. In between the ages is based on how you know they behave.
Anyway, she's your sister, you should be able to trust that her kids will be fine. As far as your other nephews...
Talk to the parents.
I'd also talk with your fiancee, and try to figure something out there.
People have adult-only weddings all the time. I wouldn't be too worried.
2007-09-07 07:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I think you set an age limit and that's that. You're right - you can't let your sister bring her child without letting the other nephews (and children of guests) attend too. If the situation permits, some people arrange for a baby-sitting room for all the young kids. I personally think family is what weddings are about and I wouldn't dream of excluding kids from my reception, but I expect that crying babies & fussy toddlers would be removed from the ceremony.
2007-09-07 07:29:55 · answer #6 · answered by eli_star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat honey. I'm getting married next year and I just finished my guest list. It turned out to be 200 adults and 80 children... thats eighty....under the age of 12. With my parents paying for this, and finding a place for that many people, I finally had to just hurt some feelings. I had the word passed around my family that children are discouraged from attending. They are upset, and I love all my little cousins. But they will just have to get over it. I cannot deal with koolaid spills and somebody knockign my cake over and stepping on my dress cuz the parents wont watch them. That saved us about 2000 dollars. But if you want to make it up to them....hire a couple of babysitters and put all the kids at somebodys house and get movies and pizza. And ask a family member to host the babysiting at their house...when they say "are you CRAZY??? THAT many at my house??" you can say "now you know how I feel."
2007-09-07 07:46:00 · answer #7 · answered by Let ME be President! 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well your sister should be understanding about the no kids rule because one Wedding are not for kids anyways and two because she is your sister.
I thought we were going to have the same problem ( we are having a flower girl & ring bear & thats it) We thought thre might be a problem scince the ring bear has two siblings plus cousins. His sister-in-law took it well and so did his sister. They looked at it as ( I wouldnt of wanted you to give me bad time at my wedding why would I give you a bad time on yours) Remind them you love the kids but think this should be a adult function.
Let them know you want them to be able to enjoy themselfs at the wedding not having to worry about the kids going over the side. Kids dont sit still and with so many people around most wont mind and run a muck.
They will understand or there not truly special people in your life. Best wishes and good luck.
2007-09-07 07:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by typicalcagirl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with everyone who said that you should set an age limit of 12. By that age there will be no problems and people will understand the no kids rule. Your sister may like having a weekend without her kids, she just may not know it yet, so expect some resistance at first.
2007-09-07 11:26:31 · answer #9 · answered by Luv2Answer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am probably going to get thumbs down for this answer but I don't care. I think that is EXTREMELY rude for you not to want children at your wedding. They are, after all, a part of your family. This reminds me of the fact that some resteraunts are making child-free areas and it pisses me off so bad. Children are the best thing in the world, parents just need to learn how to control them. I have a 15 month old with the my FH (we've been engaged for 2 years...) And I know that he'll be a bit fussy at the ceremony but he is part of my family! I certainly am not going to make him stay home just because he might act up a bit (with so many new people around..)
I can understand where you are coming from.. some kids are really bad and act up a lot and you don't want that commotion at your wedding, right? Well, maybe the parents should have a little pep talk beforehand with the kids so they might act a little better. I fear that if you tell your sister that you don't want her kids to come, she will get really mad at you and then you won't have her at your wedding at all. You should think about what is more important to you.
2007-09-07 07:47:57 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Pandemonium 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋
My cousin had kids at ther wedding until 7pm. On the invatation it stated "All kids mush leave after 7pm" My family respected that. I mean it's your wedding and you should have it anyway you want it. YOUR DAY!
But my family likes to drink and they know the would not have a good time if their were kids around so it worked for everyone.
My husbands friend had no kids at his wedding either and the family either respected that or they were mad but they got over it!!!
2007-09-07 07:37:22 · answer #11 · answered by Valentina 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋