my deceased husband cheated on be while i was pregnant with our 2nd child.,17yrs ago. (it was my sister) i caught them!,in our house,they where in engaging while i was sleeping. then a few months after that i started firting with a neighbor, phone conversation ,touching ,and kissing "ONLY'. out of anger, but i never told him. should I tell my new husband what did?I only told him half of this story. what do you think?
2007-09-07 06:53:54 · 23 answers · asked by Gracie H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
What you did in the previous marriage has no bearing on the new. You also obviously feel guilty about it, so I doubt there is very little chance of you doing it again.
I say don't tell.
2007-09-07 07:01:07 · answer #1 · answered by biller29 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if it is in the past, you shouldn't keep secrets from someone you're going to marry or are already married to. I would just sit him down tell him the whole truth & move on.
He might feel like you can't trust him if later on down the road you two have an argument & for some reason it blurts out of your mouth -- he might question why you didn't tell him before. Either way you're going to get caught in the middle of it if you tell him now or later. I'd do it now to get it over with & out of my head.
I don't know how long you two have been together, but if it's been a couple of years I don't know how you've made it through by keeping a secret like that from him. And maybe while you two are talking just simply ask him if there's any secrets he has just so you guys are fair. You should be open with each other -- the longer you keep secrets like that the more likely they'll come back to haunt you later on in life. Just get it over with, trust me you'll be much happier to get it off your shoulders.
2007-09-07 15:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by elway07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it relevant to your relationship with him? If not, then don't.
If you're feeling guilty now because you only told your new guy half the story and now he thinks you're a saint and your ex is a bum, then just tell him you began flirting with the neighbor because you were furious at your husband (who wouldn't be?) and you wanted revenge.
If your new guy doesn't understand how you felt after that and can't understand why you were mad and why you did something negative like flirting with the neighbor, then you have to ask yourself if this is really the guy for you. If he doesn't understand the dark side of you, or you're afraid to show him that you even have a dark side, how are you gonna get through the next 20 to 30 years of marriage?
What's your relationship with your sister like now I wonder?
2007-09-07 14:04:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Probably would have been best not to bring it up at all, especially since you kept your husband after all that. You can tell your new husband that while your deceased husband had faults, you were no angel, either. Then let it drop. No need in tarnishing someone's image of someone that's no longer with us to defend himself. This new husband is probably seeing your deceased husband in something of a bad light, so be sure and tell him that the problems weren't all his fault.
2007-09-07 23:12:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't. There really isn't anything good that can come of it and it serves no purpose. You acted out of anger and hurt as a reaction to what was going on.
Use that experience as a learning tool about how you should and shouldn't handle yourself, as well as what you will and will not put up with in a marriage. I'd keep the new husband away from my sister too.
Good luck!
2007-09-07 14:07:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He didn't need to know any of the story, but now that you told him half, you should tell him the rest. You could have always stood by your desire to not bring disgrace to the deceased, but you already blew that excuse. Now your just being dishonest with him. At any rate, make your decision now and stand by it. Telling him later will only make him wonder how dishonest you really can be. I'm not a Saint, just telling you what I think the bitter truths of this scenario are.
2007-09-07 14:00:29 · answer #6 · answered by mythoughts 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Truthfully that is up to you. I my mind's eye it is the past between you and God. Many people have things that they have kept from loves, parents,and friends. What matters is the present..the now. If you feel that you must share the information, trust that it will work out .. for the best. Pray and let God led you is really the best advice I can give!!
2007-09-07 14:34:05 · answer #7 · answered by sophiehob 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with a southern grandma who gave me this advice "Somethings in life you just keep to yourself" for some reason in our culture we are being put in a position to share everything. Your past does not define who you are. Put what happened aside and move on. I would not tell anyone what happened other than a therapist.
2007-09-07 14:01:26 · answer #8 · answered by Lily 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't, all it may do is make him question your faithfulness to him! I'd let your secret die with your husband! Sorry for your loss and your sister, had a simular experience and it's not an easy one to deal with. Hope you have a very happy faithful new life with your new man!
2007-09-07 14:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just so you know, you are an EX-WIDOW, not an ex-widower. Widower is for a man. widow is for female.
the answer to your question though is...you can tell him if he is secure in himself as a man. Being that you didn't cheat anyways, shouldn't be a big deal. but if he is a whiney baby boy, then keep it to yourself.
2007-09-07 14:04:35 · answer #10 · answered by ron197192064 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋