Bridal Shower(s)?

Question

My mother started planning my shower and when we told my future MIL the tentative date she said she wanted to do a shower for just my fiance's side of the family. It seems a little excessive since both our families live in the same state. I'd rather just have one but if she wants to do this, I will accept it gratefully. She is going to be my MIL after all!

Anyway, my question is: are two bridal showers the norm? Most showers I have been to included both families. (Except ones where the bride and groom were from different states)

I don't think she was trying to be rude. I think she was trying to be nice - at least I hope so!

Thanks for the answers so far.

Just wanted to be clear that I am not complaining, I am definitely grateful. I was just giving my story as a preface to the question.

NoraKelly - Maybe I am reading your answer wrong. Are you saying I should I tell both my mother and MIL that I don't want their showers and then tell my bridesmaids I expect one?

Answer 1

It is perfectly acceptable and gracious of your MIL to give you another shower (proper etiquette says you may have two). The date you chose may have been inconvenient to her for some reason she preferred not to share the reason why.
Be grateful - enjoy your showers.

Answer 2

Some people have 1, 2, 3, 4 bridal showers planned FOR them (not by them), it really depends on the location of everyone.

I know my MOH and mom are planning a bridal shower, and I think my work may be planning it as well (small workforce). Not sure of any others though.

I would not worry about how many you have, just as long as people don't get invited to more than one (except you and the groom!).

I would just mention why not join forces, the MOH, the MOB and the MOG and organize one since they are all in the same location.

Answer 3

Yes I also think your MIL is being rude and excluding your side of the family . I have never been to a shower where both of the families were not there . Oh my would I let her know from the start that you two are a joining of two families . If you dont stand up to her now she will be telling you what to do for as long as you are going to be married . I would put my foot down and tell her there is no need for another shower . good luck .

Answer 4

It depends on if your friends, your family and his family all know each other well.

People should be comfortable at get-togethers no matter what the function is and knowing the people around them is part of what a person comfortable.

I've been to showers that were given by co-workers, by church members, her family, his family. I would not expect my co-workers to be comfortable with my family as they do not know each other for instance.

Also since you say both families are in the same state, I have to assume that this means "but not in the same town". It may be there are elderly relatives on his side that your future MIL knows would enjoy coming but will not travel to another town. My grandmother lives 65 miles away and refuses to come this far even to visit but I absolutely refuse to not have her at my shower if I were having one. So I would need to have one for relatives there and one for friends here in my town.

So if it takes getting together with each family is what it takes, so be it. Just have fun and be a gracious guest of honor.

Answer 5

I have heard of this becoming more common. I personally think it depends on the MIL. In some cases it is very rude and with other women they are trying to be nice. Sounds like she just wants to make you feel welcome into the family. You could have two. It's not worth the potential problems of saying no. My MIL on the other hand threw a wedding shower for her SON instead of me. Weird huh. Oh well. She is still treating me like crap to this day. Hopefully you'll be luckier.

Answer 6

I've actually heard of this before, and I doubt that she was trying to be rude. Perhaps she did have an issue with the date and just didn't want to rain on your parade, or maybe she wanted to do something special for you too, since you're going to be part of her family soon. Maybe she wanted a chance for her side of the family to really get to know you. Ettiquette says that you can have two showers as long as you aren't hosting either of them. Normally it would be your MOH hosting one and a relative of the groom's family hosting another. Sounds fine to me. Its not like you asked to have two showers, she's just being generous! Make sure you give her a nice thank you note and maybe a little gift like a basket of spa stuff or something else simple to show your appreciation.

Answer 7

My future MIL tried the same thing - and I felt offended - so I told my fiance to tell his family that there is going to be ONE shower that will be thrown by my best friend and my sister and they can either go to that shower or to none! Long story short, none of his family showed up! But it let me know what kind of family I was getting myself into - and now we're not together. I think it depends on what is important to you. I wanted to see both families together - but the fact that my future MIL was trying to stay separate I felt was being petty and belittling. Good luck!

Answer 8

Usually it's the bridal party that puts on your shower and bachelorette party. But nowa days anything goes. I think the 2 showers will be just fine.
For my best friends baby shower I threw her 2 with the help of her mom 1 was for friends and the other was for all family.

Answer 9

I've never heard of two bridal showers. If you'd rather have just one, try to diplomatically work it out with both your mom and your MIL. It seems separatist to me to hold two separate showers for two sides of the family - I mean, the whole idea is that your families are merging. Maybe she just didn't think it through.

Answer 10

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